Welcome to the all text version of the Holy Grail Hint Site! http://www.europa.com/~esk/HGrail/ Created and Maintained by Cindy Wells or [Do not reproduce without permission of author, © 1996] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes, this was created for all of you lazy bastards, the "Hyperlink Handicapped", who aren't willing to go through the whole site and nicely plump up my hit numbers (over 150,000 so far, wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Or maybe you charitably went through the site and just wanted something to have beside you as you played the game. Whichever is the case, this text file's for you! Contents: General Strategies Vague Hints Throughout Game Part I: The Registration Part II: Gathering the Items A Sign From God Plague Village Witch Village Black Knight Outside In Tent The Book Camelot Loimbard Anthrax Outside Inside Caves of Caerbannog Bridge of Death Part III: Placing the Items Part IV: Lightening Patsy's Load Part V: Over the Bridge Specific Hints Throughout Game Part I: The Registration Part II: Gathering the Items A Sign From God Plague Village Witch Village Black Knight Outside In Tent The Book Camelot Loimbard Anthrax Outside Inside Caves of Caerbannog Bridge of Death Part III: Placing the Items Part IV: Lightening Patsy's Load Part V: Over the Bridge Location Specific Item List A Sign From God Plague Village Witch Village Black Knight The Book Camelot Loimbard Anthrax Caves of Caerbannog Bridge of Death Full List of Items Walkthrough Easter Eggs Oral Sex? --------------------------------------------------------------------- General Strategies 1. Fill out the registration form entirely: it won't be sent to 7th Level by modem, if you're worried about that. Have fun, but make sure to answer every question, as it will prove to be important later on in the game. 2. During the gathering items stage, you'll find that the game is mainly furthered by clicking your cursor on every location possible, so you should do so at every opportunity. 3. Play the mini-games as soon as they become available, as often there are things you can do afterwards that you couldn't do beforehand. If it doesn't seem possible to win it, it probably isn't important to win. 4. There are often items that you can only get on your second visit to a location, so make sure you've gone everywhere twice before you despair of finding an item. 5. Make sure you've completed any initial dialogue in a scene before you explore and try to get anything done. 6. If you tire of any sequence, whether sound or video, press the space-bar to cut it short. This works throughout the game. 7. When reading books, don't assume that a series of blank pages means it's over (it might be that it is over, but check carefully before you decide) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Vague Hints Throughout the Game Q. What's the deal with these birds and coconuts? A. Ever heard of skeet shooting? Q. Who's the little guy going by with the cart? Is he important? A. Help! Help! He's being repressed! Q. Every Time I return to a place the Historian implies I have unfinished business, but I'm pretty sure I have everything done there. Am I missing something? A. The Historian is a creature of habit. Q. How do I know when I'm finished in a location? A. Have you gotten all of the items? Q. I placed some things before I got to the Bridge Keeper. I got rid of some things before then, too. Will I have to start over? A. No. Q. I'm tired of seeing video sequences over again, listening to the Historian repeat the same message, etc. Is there a way that I can stop a sequence and not have to sit through it? A. Don't space out, space-bar. Part I: The Registration Q. Is there anything I should keep in mind while doing this? Is it some sort of a game? A. Have fun and fill everything out. As to importance, have you seen the movie? Part II: Gathering the Items A Sign From God Q. There's a grail outline up on the billboard. Does it mean there's a grail I can take? A. Yes, once it fills out. Q. Is there anything important in those holes? A. Yes. Q. Is there anything else available on the billboard besides the Grail scene? A. Quite a bit. Q. What can I do with all these bananas? A. You could try attacking someone with one. Q. Is there anything else important to do here? A. You might want to come back later to pray . . . Q. I still don't have the Holly Grail (or the Medallion). What am I missing? A. Would your wooden rabbit like some karats? Plague Village Q. Why can't I seem to do anything in this scene? A. Are you sure you aren't interrupting a conversation? Q. How do I take the dung? A. Perseverance is an admirable quality . . . Q. Who's the naked guy? Is he important? A. Looking for a few good men? (bouncy, bouncy) Q. Why can't I see the three naked ladies, the guy, and the teaspoon in the window? A. Are you sure you stared long enough? (Just kidding . . .) Q. Can I get into the house? That mean guy won't let me in! A. King Arthur is a bit too high-handed in his manners . . . Q. What's with the lady bashing the cat against the wall? A. Poor cat! Poor wall! Q. Is that guy way up there on a wheel important? A. You could hire him for the Psychic Friends Network. Q. What do I do with the barrel? A. You could watch all of the nice fishies jump. Q. What's with this blue hand floating around? A. Tenacious little bugger, isn't he? He seems quite attached to your cursor. Q. What is there to do with the cart? A. Lots! You can keep clicking, and clicking, and clicking . . . (boom! boom! boom!) Q. I blew up part of the cart! What can I do? A. Nothing . . . yet. Witch Village Q. Why can't I seem to do anything in this scene? A. Are you sure you aren't interrupting a conversation? Q. What do I do with the bird in the tree? A. Don't shoot him! Q. What are those organ noises in the crowd for? A. A little birdie might tell you. Q. I think I see some gold in the right window behind the crowd. How do I get to it? A. Take a left. Q. I "played" the crowd just as I was supposed to, but nothing happened! A. Echo . . . echo . . . .echo . . . Q. What's the deal with the butterfly and the flying witch? A. Very evocative, don't you think? Q. Who's that guy standing below King Arthur? A. King Arthur could use some counseling upon his return. Q. I've returned several times, but I can't find Joseph of Aramathea. Where is he? A. Are you sure you don't have some unfinished business? Black Knight Outside Q. Nothing's happening: the Knight went into the tent and left me alone! A. You'll cross that bridge when you come to it. Q. I hacked the Black Knight's limbs off, but Arthur still won't go over the bridge! A. Like a bridge over troubled ________. Q. How do I get into the tent? A. Take up botany or become a groundskeeper: it's as good as gold. Q. What do I do with the old woman? A. Picky, picky . . . Q. Is Lancelot swinging across of any significance? A. Oh no, does it mean he's a swinger?! Better keep him away from Galahad . . . Q. What's the deal with the falling leaf? A. You'll have to delve into the Black Knight's private life before it's of use. In Tent Q. How do I get into the chest? A. You could help out a needy department store . . . . Q. I opened the wardrobe. What do I do here? A. This should get you through a "tight" spot. Q. Anything more to this diary on the bed? A. What does clicking around the bed area signify what it's used for? Q. When I try to take the sword all I get is a lecture! How do I take it? A. Isn't there something else you should be doing? In the meantime check your drawers. Q. Is there anything significant about the shield? A. Notice the similarity to Black Knight's costume. Also, did you know there's a porcine virus going around? Q. The tent is on fire! What do I do? A. You must be hog-tired of this problem by now. The Book Q. Is there anything significant about the poems and letters? A. Hmmm, see any Freudian overtones? Q. Gold! Gold! Gold! How much should I take? A. Gold is pretty heavy, you know. Q. What do I do with Intershrub? A. For now just give the Knights a nice shrub. Q. Anything else to the book? A. You might want to return to venerate the Vicious Chicken of Bristol. Camelot Q. All that seems to happen when I click on the castle is somebody says "Camelot". A. Remember what I said about perseverance? Q. What do I do with the cloud? A. Looks like a floating target . . . Q. Not another bird and coconut! A. Yup! Sorry . . . Q. The castle is coming apart! A. Think of the bricks as souvenirs. Q. A jumping sun and cloud! Anything I should do? A. Tut, tut, it looks like golden rain. Q. They won't let me do anything more, but I need to get Camelot! A. Camelot will stay there (at least part of it) if you leave. Q. I'm back, and I've got Camelot. What's with the coffin? A. The funeral will have to wait. Loimbard Q. Why can't I seem to do anything in this scene? A. Are you sure you aren't interrupting a conversation? Q. Are any of Arthur and his knights useful? A. One's got the crown, one's got the brains, let's make lots of . . . er, excuse me Q. Alright, I figured out the crown allusion: what do I do with him? A. Ah, it's the old perseverance ploy again. Q. I figured out the brains one too, but he only talks or has something come out of his skirt! A. Are you sure there isn't still even more you should be doing? Q. After clicking on Patsy's flag several time, some 4 digit numbers showed up. Do they have anything to do with the Anthrax combination? A. It's one of those red wossnames. Q. What do I do with these wacky French guys? A. Do some masonry work first. There is great strength in stillness. Q. What are all these getting cold or hot comments when I click on the bricks? A. Could it be that there are some really important items there? Anthrax Outside Q. I don't want to be called a sissy. Is there a way to get in the hard way? A. Yes. Double the space-bar, double the fun! Q. How do I get the grail from the beacon above the castle? A. You should get a spanking for such impudence! (Me too, please?) Q. What are those numbers above the door for? A. Time for yet another spanking . . . Q. Is there something I should do before I go in? A. Create a light show. Celebrate the four seasons. Q. What on earth do you mean by a light show? A. Brush up on your astrology then scale the towers. Q. And what about the four seasons? A. Does anyone know what ever happened to Twiggy? Q. Why does this monk guy keep carving the tree? A. Get the Moldy Tail, and this monk will prove golden. Q. Zoot's popped up now. What do I do with her? A. Cupid's been doing the shooting so long, maybe he should know what it feels like. Inside Q. Golly, this Spank the Virgin game is easy. Is there a reason why I'm doing this? A. Have you noticed the odd tattoos in the Nude Bonus Round? Q. How do I get into the Oral Sex Round? A. Start early before you win, and either lower your standards of purity or be chaste. Q. What do I do with these virgins? A. Call a group meeting? Q. The virgins keep changing clothes, but when they get to costumes they stop. Why? A. Maybe they're displeased that you haven't finished your task. Q. Who's this virgin who popped up in the center? A. Repeat the process to find out. Caves of Caerbannog Q. Who were those knights who popped out? A. Maybe you should invite them back if you get a chance. Q. What are all these explosions when I click on the landscape? A. Foreshadowing Q. What do I do with Tim? A. Maybe Arthur could have a chat. Q. Oh no, it's the rabbit! What a mean rodent! What do I do? A. What do you think the spare knights are there for? Q. OK, I charged, and now I've got the Holy Hand-Grenades. How do I use them? A. Make sure you release on 3: spare knights make good targets. Q. It's a dragon! What do I do? A. Don't think, just click. Q. Why won't the guy give me the Goldy Hail? I keep clicking on it! A. Wait and see . . . Q. Anything more to do here? A. Caves can hide lots of things. Q. Oh my gosh: I shot Dennis the Peasant! Is my Karma ruined forever? A. You could always ask Joseph of Aramathea for advice. . . Q. The wooden rabbit is killing knights, and I've tried clicking on it! How do I take it? A. Double your efforts. Q. Should I be doing anything with the pedestal? A. Later, procrastinator. Bridge of Death Q. What a nice mountain range in the background. Can you do anything with it? A. You could measure it's surface area. Q. OK, I've gotten everything in my inventory, but the Bridge Keeper won't talk to me! A. Maybe the messenger distracted him. Q. The Bridge Keeper keeps sending me back to my registration! What's wrong? A. Did you confess everything on your registration? Q. What is the capital of Assyria? I died! A. What does a prostitute perform? Q. I died after I answered the color correctly, and I've checked and it's the same as the one I put down in registration. What's wrong? A. Just because you died after the third question doesn't mean it was the third one you got wrong . . . Q. He finally let me by! However, there seem to be quite a few boards missing on the bridge and I can't cross it! A. This problem will lead us nicely into Part III. Part III: Placing the Items Before we go on, let me explain what this stage is about. Right now there aren't enough boards to cross the bridge. However, there are ten important items in your inventory, and if each of them are placed right (one per scene, and all in different locations from where they were picked up) in the right places, each will bring one board to the bridge for a total of 10. If you've already placed some of the items, and the numbers that you see you need don't match the locations that are listed here, don't worry: it's a bit of a bug in the program, and what you see is there on the bridge doesn't always match what you've done. As a reference, each board is numbered 1-10: 1 is a Sign From God, and 10 is the Bridge of Death, with every other one numbered in the order you pass through between those two locations. Remember what locations you haven't placed items in, and use that as your guide. Board #1: A Sign From God Q. Where do I put the object? A. The writing's on the wall. Q. What do I place there? A. This one is a bit redundant. Board #2: Plague Village Q. Where do I put the object? A. Are you board and need an outline? Do some pyrotechnics to find it. (Alternate but less accurate hint: Ever heard of the Holy Grill?) Q. What do I place there? A. What item has the right shape to fit on the boards revealed by the explosion? (Alternate but less accurate hint: Where would Arthur have barbecues?) Board #3: Witch Village Q. Where do I put the object? A. If you click on the witch she exposes herself! Q. What do I place there? A. Cover her up somehow! Board #4: Black Knight Q. Where do I put the object? A. Where in the tent can you get ahead? Q. What do I place there? A. What do think would suit the location's mumblings? Board #5: The Book Q. Where do I put the object? A. The answer to this is outlined on one of the pages. Q. What do I place there? A. What fits the outline? Board #6: Camelot Q. Where do I put the object? A. It's funeral time. Q. What do I place there? A. What in your inventory is getting ripe? Board #7: Loimbard Q. Where do I put the object? A. Heads up! Another outline! Q. What do I place there? A. Besides the outline, what item technically belongs there? Board #8: Anthrax Q. Where do I put the object? A. A place might just pop up. Q. What do I place there? A. Something that belongs there. Board #9: Caves of Caerbannog Q. Where do I put the object? A. What place isn't busty enough? Q. What do I place there? A. A name is everything. Board #10: Bridge of Death Q. Where do I put the object? A. Somebody left a pile next to the bridge. Q. What do I place there? A. It's a sign of the times. Play three questions first. Part IV: Lightening Patsy's Load If you go forward over the bridge you'll notice that you fall through. Patsy's pack is too heavy! This section will seem like the antithesis to Part II, i.e. this part will be about getting rid of the items you worked so hard to collect. However, unless you gorged on gold in the book, pretty much everything you took was necessary to further the game. So roll out the barrel and go on a shrub buying spree!! Q. How do I get rid of all of my items (aside from the gold)? A. We'll have a barrel of fun! Q. How do I get rid of the gold? A. Go on-line. Q. I spent some gold on shrubbery, but now I have less left than the cheapest shrub! A. Don't you remember what you learned in math class? There's still a bank open, though. Q. What can I take across the bridge safely? A. The key is the five of cups. Part V: Over the Bridge Q. I've watched the King Brian sequence. How do I open the chest? A. You should have figured out the key to that a while back. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Specific Hints Throughout Game Q. What's the deal with these birds and coconuts? A. Just shoot the bird and take the coconut. You have to do this for the game to go on. Q. Who's the little guy going by with the cart? Is he important? A. It's Dennis! He's mainly a distraction, although you often can do things after he leaves that you couldn't before. Q. Every Time I return to a place the Historian implies I have unfinished business, but I'm pretty sure I have everything done there. Am I missing something? A. He says the same thing every time you revisit a specific location. Don't listen. Q. How do I know when I'm finished in a location? A. Once you've gotten every item available there, you're finished until you are able to place the correct item in its location to put a board on the bridge. You probably won't be able to place anything there until you've gotten every item anyway. If you need to know what all the items you need to get in any one location are, check out the new feature here "List of Items" that appears underneath each location for Part II. Q. I placed some things before I got to the Bridge Keeper. I got rid of some things before then, too. Will I have to start over? A. If you placed something, you should be fine, and most things that you need to use can't be gotten rid of, so don't worry. Q. I'm tired of seeing video sequences over again, listening to the Historian repeat the same message, etc. Is there a way that I can stop a sequence and not have to sit through it? A. Yes, there is. Simply press the space-bar and whatever sequence you're dealing with, whether audio or video or both will be cut short, and you can go on with the game. Part I: The Registration Q. Is there anything I should keep in mind while doing this? Is it some sort of a game? A. Keep an eye on the questions the Bridge Keeper asks in the movie, i.e. name, quest, favorite color capital of Assyria, etc. Also, remember to fill every question out whether it seems applicable or not. This includes answering how playing doctor turned out even if you never did it, and answering how much you played Complete Waste of Time even if you never have. Part II: Gathering the Items Sign From God Q. There's a grail outline up on the billboard. Does it mean there's a grail I can take? A. The grail will fill out just after you get the gold from the lower right hole. Then you can take it. Q. Is there anything important in those holes? A. You can get gold (lower right), a helmet (left), and bananas (center right) from them. Q. Is there anything else available on the billboard besides the Grail scene? A. After you take the Holly Grail, click the sides of the billboard where the clouds are to see the rest. Q. What can I do with all these bananas? A. Nothing. The bananas are useless, but they fill out the inventory nicely. Q. Is there anything else important to do here? A. Come back later and click on the billboard until God comes back. Click on his beard until you get Zoot's Medallion. Q. I still don't have the Holly Grail (or the Medallion). What am I missing? A. You must not have gotten gold from the lower right hole yet. Once you get the gold, the option to take the grail should come up (if not, click the clouds on the sides until the gold grail comes into view). Once you get the Holly Grail, you can get the medallion by leaving, returning, getting God on the billboard, and clicking on his beard repeatedly. Plague Village Q. Why can't I seem to do anything in this scene? A. Keep clicking on the Dead Gatherer until the old man is silent. Click on the old man, then play Drop Dead. Q. How do I take the dung? A. After you take the gold under it, just keep clicking on it. Q. Who's the naked guy? Is he important? A. Take the knights quickly as they bounce off the naked man, and only stop when there are no more left. Q. Why can't I see the three naked ladies, guy, and teaspoon in the window? A. Are you sure you stared long enough? Q. Can I get into the house? That mean guy won't let me in! A. While Arthur's manners don't help, you won't be able to get in. Q. What's with the lady bashing the cat against the wall? A. Click on the doorway until the lady bashes a hole in the wall with the cat. Click on the hole. Q. Is that guy way up there on a wheel important? A. Aside from his prescience, he has no value. Q. What do I do with the barrel? A. You won't use this until much later. (Section IV) Q. What's with this blue hand floating around? A. He won't go away until he's got you. To get rid of him (once he's gripped you with his fist), either shake him off with several vigorous shakes, or click as far to the upper left of your monitor as you can. This should get rid of him, at least temporarily. Q. What is there to do with the cart? A. You can further the plot by clicking here, as well as get the dead body (second visit), click off the left wheel, and satisfy the pyromaniac within. Q. I blew up part of the cart! What can I do? A. You'll need to have this done for Section III, so good job! Witch Village Q. Why can't I seem to do anything in this scene? A. Keep clicking back and forth on Bedevere and the witch until the Burn the Witch option comes up, then play the game. Q. What do I do with the bird in the tree? A. Watch him as he lays objects into the crowd. Notice what happens when he lays each object. Q. What are those organ noises in the crowd for? A. Click on the bird (just don't explode him) until he lays an object that makes the crowd play a tune. That's the correct order to play the crowd. Q. I think I see some gold in the right window behind the crowd. How do I get to it? A. Click on the left window behind the crowd and it will move back so that you can take the gold. Q. I "played" the crowd just as I was supposed to, but nothing happened! A. It may take a few repetitions before it works. Q. What's the deal with the butterfly and the flying witch? A. This seems to be mainly a confusing distraction. I haven't found any use for it, at least. Q. Who's that guy standing below King Arthur? A. It's Joseph of Aramathea! And look! You have a perfect place for him in inventory! Q. I've returned several times, but I can't find Joseph of Aramathea. Where is he? A. Make sure you have gotten the gold from the right window behind the crowd before you leave and return. Black Knight Outside Q. Nothing's happening: the Knight went into the tent and left me alone! A. Click on the center of the bridge and he'll come back. Play Knights in Combat. Q. I hacked the Black Knight's limbs off, but Arthur still won't go over the bridge! A. Click on the ditch until it fills with water. Arthur will cross now. Q. How do I get into the tent? A. Click on the leaf or the ground on the lower right part of the screen. Take the gold from the old woman by clicking on her nose. Now Arthur can go in. Q. What do I do with the old woman? A. Click on her nose. Q. Is Lancelot swinging across of any significance? A. He's just for atmosphere and comic relief. Q. What's the deal with the falling leaf? A. After you have found the PlaySquire magazine in the Black Knight's diary and gotten all items in tent, click on leaf to get it to fall, then click on it while on the ground. A key will magically appear for you to take. If the key is on the ground when you come out, you will first have to click it back up then click it back down before clicking on it will reveal the key. The Tent Q. How do I get into the chest? A. Just take the mannequin parts. Then you can open the chest. Q. I opened the wardrobe. What do I do here? A. Take the black Knight's tights, and note the response of the hat holder there when clicked on. Q. Anything more to this diary on the bed? A. There's a PlaySquire magazine hidden after quite a few blank pages. Q. When I try to take the sword all I get is a lecture! How do I take it? A. You can take the sword after you've gotten the prosthesis, tights, and gold. Q. Is there anything significant about the shield? A. The shield shows the Black Knight's coat-of-arms. If you didn't notice, clicking enough times on the hog's head causes him to sneeze, blowing out the torch. Q. The tent is on fire! What do I do? A. Click on the hog's head on the shield until he sneezes. The Book Q. Is there anything significant about the poems and letters? A. They're just there to read. Enjoy! Q. Gold! Gold! Gold! How much should I take? A. Don't take more than you need: you'll have to get rid of it all in the end to lighten Patsy's pack. Remember this location if you get your math wrong trying to get rid of all of the money. Q. What do I do with Intershrub? A. Just send them a shrubbery for now. You can use the site later to spend any extra gold. Q. Anything else to the book? A. Return to the book later to take the sign of certain death from Sir Robin's page. Camelot Q. All that seems to happen when I click on the castle is somebody says "Camelot". A. They'll stop saying it if you click enough times. Q. What do I do with the cloud? A. Shoot first, ask questions later. Q. Not another bird and coconut! A. They come up in some form in every scene. It usually means you're on the right track. Q. The castle is coming apart! A. Keep taking the bricks until you can't take any more. Q. A jumping sun and cloud! Anything I should do? A. Click on the cloud and you'll get some gold. Q. They won't let me do anything more, but I need to get Camelot! A. You'll have to leave and then return before you can take the last brick and Camelot. Q. I'm back, and I've got Camelot. What's with the coffin? A. You won't use it until Part III. Loimbard Q. Why can't I seem to do anything in this scene? A. Keep using the "up hand" and "down hand" to further conversation until the Catch the Cow option comes up. Play it, although you don't have to win. Q. Are any of Arthur and his knights useful? A. Only Arthur and Bedevere are of use. Q. Alright, I figured out the crown allusion: what do I do with him? A. Keep clicking on Arthur until a sheep's bladder comes out. Take it. Q. I figure out the brains one too, but he only talks or has something come out of his skirt! A. The Rolly Polly will only come out of Bedevere's skirt if you've gotten all the items from the top of the castle. Q. After clicking on Patsy's flag several time, some 4 digit numbers showed up. Do they have anything to do with the Anthrax combination? A. Although it might seem like there is a connection, no. It's a red herring. Q. What do I do with these wacky French guys? A. You can find both the "vous" and gold by clicking on bricks. Once done, the right Frenchman should stay still. Click on him until he throws the Samurai Helmet. Q. What are all these getting cold or hot comments when I click on the bricks? A. There's gold located in the center section of bricks, the second brick from the right, centered from top to bottom. After you get that you can get the "vous" from the top brick of the left section. Anthrax Outside Q. I don't want to be called a sissy. Is there a way to get in the hard way? A. Right after knocking the first time, quickly press the space-bar twice and you can get in immediately. After that, you'll be able to get in on the first knock without pressing the space bar at all. Q. How do I get the grail from the beacon above the castle? A. Play Spank the Virgin in the castle, and you'll find the correct combination of numbers in the Nude Bonus Round to enter into the combination holder above the door. Q. What are those numbers above the door for? A. This is the place you enter the combination you got by playing Spank the Virgin. Q. Is there something I should do before I go in? A. You can turn on flashing lights around the top edge of the castle and above the door (see next question for details). You can also get some important items by clicking on the stubby twigs on the lower right branch (the stubby twigs are just left of center). Q. What on earth do you mean by a light show? A. If you click on the brightest star between the castle and the left tree trunk, a constellation will pop up. If you keep clicking Virgo the Virgin will appear (with sound effect). Once done you can click on the upper edge of the castle until it has flashing lights all across. An oval of lights should appear above the door. Click on it and the "Anthrax" sign will show. Neat, huh? Q. And what about the four seasons? A. Click on the stubby twigs on the lower right branch. (the stubby twigs are just left of center). This should bring up Spring with blossoms. Clicking at the base of the new branch will cause it to go into Summer with broccoli. Clicking there twice more at that spot will bring it through all four. Q. Why does this monk guy keep carving the tree? A. He'll leave some gold behind eventually, but probably only after you've gotten the Moldy Tail. Q. Zoot's popped up now. What do I do with her? A. Just shoot the cupid and take the coconuts. You won't need Zoot again until Part III. Inside Q. Golly, this Spank the Virgin game is easy. Is there a reason why I'm doing this? A. The Nude Bonus Round will give you the combination that you need to have to get the Moldy Tail. Q. How do I get into the Oral Sex Round? A. To get the Oral Sex Round option to show up, get a score of less than 125 at the end of the fourth round. It helps if you focus not on spanking the virgins, but on spanking as many of the non-virgins as possible (although you can still spank a few of the virgins as well). If you want to get the fake password screen, this score must be higher than the highest score listed, so you'd probably better try this out before you win (in order to get the Moldy tail). Otherwise you'll just get a screen saying you don't have the right score. Q. What do I do with these virgins? A. Click on them until all 6 virgins are present. This can be achieved by clicking on the virgins in this order: upper white, pink, lower white, yellow, then green. Then it's time to change clothes. Start the process by clicking on the upper white virgin's face, then clicking on all five others. This process should be repeated through gauzy nightdress, armor, costumes, then kinky lingerie. Q. The virgins keep changing clothes, but when they get to costumes they stop. Why? A. You won't get them to continue until you've gotten the Moldy Tail and the gold from the monk. Q. Who's this virgin who popped up in the center? A. Take her through the same costume changes as the other virgins, then take her bodice after the final change. Caves of Caerbannog Q. Who were those knights who popped out? A. You'll need to bring them all back out for the rabbit to appear. It needs someone to kill. Q. What are all these explosions when I click on the landscape? A. It means Tim the Enchanter is coming. Keep clicking until the cave area explodes. Q. What do I do with Tim? A. Maybe Arthur and Tim should be introduced. Click on Arthur. Q. Oh no, it's the rabbit! What a mean rodent! What do I do? A. Go ahead and attack the rabbit. It will only use up those four spare knights, who will then be magically resurrected. Q. OK, I charged, and now I've got the Holy Hand-Grenades. How do I use them? A. Pick a grenade while holding down the left mouse button and drag it on top of the rabbit. Still holding the left mouse button down, follow the rabbit as he lunges left, and release it just as it reaches the far left knight (and when Arthur says three at the very same time, incidentally). If you don't get the first one, the next time the rabbit will lunge for the lower right knight, then the upper left, then the upper right. Q. It's a dragon! What do I do? A. Click on him when he appears in the hole, then click on him after the chase is over. Q. Why won't the guy give me the Goldy Hail? I keep clicking on it! A. He'll give it to you eventually. He's just being a tease. Q. Anything more to do here? A. You still have another bird with a coconut, a peasant to shoot, and a wooden rabbit to get. Q. Oh my gosh: I shot Dennis the Peasant! Is my Karma ruined forever? A. It's just a game, silly! Q. The wooden rabbit is killing knights, and I've tried clicking on it! How do I take it? A. Try double-clicking on the rabbit instead. This should work. Q. Should I be doing anything with the pedestal? A. Wait until Part III. Bridge of Death Q. What a nice mountain range in the background. Can you do anything with it? A. It's not just any land, it's Huge Tracts of Land. Q. OK, I've gotten everything in my inventory, but the Bridge Keeper won't talk to me! A. Leave and then return, and the Bridge Keeper should talk to you after the Historian leaves. Q. The Bridge Keeper keeps sending me back to my registration! What's wrong? A. You have to give answers to every single question in the registration form, even when it seems something doesn't apply (e.g. if you said you didn't play doctor, but then were asked what happened when you did). The answers by no means have to be accurate, but they must be filled in. Q. What is the capital of Assyria? I died! A. It's a trick question! You'll die with any answer. Q. I died after I answered the color correctly, and I've checked and it's the same as the one I put down in registration. What's wrong? A. You will die after the third question no matter which question you got wrong. Go back and make sure you put your name in exactly the way you did in registration, with exactly the same capitalization. Q. He finally let me by! However, there seem to be quite a few boards missing on the bridge and I can't cross it! A. You need more bridge boards to cross. See the Part III for where to put stuff so that more boards will be available to step on. Part III: Placing the Items Board #1: A Sign From God Q. Where do I put the object? A. Click on the sides of the billboard until "Huge Tracts of Land" comes up. Q. What do I place there? A. Drag "Huge Tracts of Land" onto the billboard. Board #2: Plague Village Q. Where do I put the object? A. If you click off the left wheel of the cart, and then click on the area where it was, the explosion will reveal what first appears to be a grill-like cavity, but which basically just exposes some boards that outline the shape of Camelot. That's where to put the object. Q. What do I place there? A. Drag Camelot from inventory onto the boards: Camelot fits the outline perfectly. Board #3: Witch Village Q. Where do I put the object? A. Click on the witch until she opens her robes Q. What do I place there? A. Drag the Virgin's Bodice onto the witch's naked body. Board #4: Black Knight Q. Where do I put the object? A. On the hat rest inside the wardrobe in the Black Knight's tent. Q. What do I place there? A. Drag the Samurai Helmet onto the hat rest. Board #5: The Book Q. Where do I put the object? A. The sword outline on Sir Lancelot's page. Q. What do I place there? A. Drag the Black Knight's Sword onto the outline. Board #6: Camelot Q. Where do I put the object? A. The casket (it can be gotten by clicking on the remaining door). Q. What do I place there? A. Drag the Dead Body into the open casket. Board #7: Loimbard Q. Where do I put the object? A. The upper part of the rabbit outline on the bricks of the castle above (in the left section). Q. What do I place there? A. Drag the wooden rabbit onto the upper half of the rabbit outline. Board #8: Anthrax Q. Where do I put the object? A. Click on the bottom (left-of-center) of the screen to get Zoot: it's her hat. Q. What do I place there? A. Drag Zoot's Medallion onto Zoot's hat. Board #9: Caves of Caerbannog Q. Where do I put the object? A. The pedestal with "Joseph" on it. Q. What do I place there? A. Drag Joseph of Aramathea onto the pedestal. Board #10: Bridge of Death Q. Where do I put the object? A. In the far lower left of the screen is a pile of rocks with a hole in it. Q. What do I place there? A. Drag the certain death sign over the hole in the pile of rocks. [Note: this only works after you've answered the Bridge Keeper's three questions correctly.] Part IV: Lightening Patsy's Load Q. How do I get rid of all of my items (aside from the gold)? A. Put everything aside from the gold, the fake grails, and the key into the barrel (after all the boards are in place, of course). Q. How do I get rid of the gold? A. Get rid of every single gold coin by choosing the right combination and number of shrubs on Intershrub. For instance, if you didn't take any gold from the page in the Book, and hadn't gotten a shrub yet (761 gold coins), you could get rid of the gold by buying a Hibiscus, 3 Azaleas, and 5 Elderberries. Here's a handy list of the shrubs in order of costliness: Elderberry: 12 gold coins Azalea: 67 gold coins Dombeya: 375 gold coins Hibiscus: 500 gold coins Juniper: 757 gold coins Wattle: 937 gold coins Laurel: 1122 gold coins Lilac: 2398 gold coins Oleander: 5001 gold coins Q. I spent some gold on shrubbery, but now I have less left than the cheapest shrub! A. If you got your math wrong, don't worry: the page before Intershrub has a nice supply of coins you can take, and please do a better job of planning your purchases ahead this time! The piles of gold have 1, 16, or 256 coins, so plan carefully how much more to take after looking carefully at the shrubbery prices (listed above). Q. What can I take across the bridge safely? A. You can only take the four fake grails and the key. Part V: Over the Bridge Q. I've watched the King Brian sequence. How do I open the chest? A. Use the key. Hopefully you found it earlier under the fallen leaf in the Black Knight area. If not, you might want to go back to the hints about that location. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Location Specific List of Items Here is a list of all of the items you can get at this location and roughly the order that you get them in. Some of these may be interchangeable, but for those where the order is important there will be a tag stating such. Information about how to get each is stated in the hints and at the final List of Items. Sign From God: Hilly Holly (you have this when you first start) Coconut Helmet Bananas Gold (8 coins from lower right hole) Holly Grail (after getting gold) Zoot's Medallion (after getting Holly Grail and upon return) Plague Village: Coconut 7 Knights Gold (8 coins under dung) Dung (after getting gold underneath) More Gold (64 coins in hole made by cat) Dead Body (upon return) Witch Village: Coconut Gold (8 coins in right window behind crowd) Joseph of Aramathea (after getting all of the above and upon return) Black Knight: Coconut Gold (16 coins from old woman) Holy Prosthesis Black Knight's Tights More Gold (256 coins in top drawer) Black Knight's Sword (after getting all other items in tent) The Book: Coconut Gold (in 1, 16, and 256 coin piles) Certain Death Sign (upon return) Camelot: Coconut 8 Bricks Gold (256 coins) Brick (upon return) Camelot (after getting all bricks) Loimbard: Coconut Sheep's Bladder Gold (64 coins) "Vous"(after getting gold) Samurai Helmet(after getting gold and vous) Rolly Polly (after getting all of the above) Anthrax: Blossoms Broccoli Two Coconuts Moldy Tail Gold (128 coins) Virgin's Bodice (after getting all of the above) Caves of Caerbannog: Goldy Hail Coconut (after getting Goldy Hail) Gold (1 coin after getting coconut) Wooden Rabbit (after getting gold) Bridge of Death: Huge Tracts of Land Coconut (second visit or later) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- List of Items This is a list of items, where they are found, and how (briefly) they are gotten. If the description of how to get it is not sufficient, check the hints listed for the location you would find it, as there should be something detailing its acquisition. Keep in mind when looking at these items that just because items are listed as being useless does not imply that you don't have to get them. Often you can only get a useful item by getting every other useless item available in the scene. In order to finish the game, get every one of these, whether you throw them away later or not. The fake grails are listed as useful, although this is debatable. However, unlike useless items you do not need to throw them away. Blossoms: From twig outside Anthrax. (useless) Broccoli: From twig outside Anthrax. (useless) Wooden Rabbit: From Caves of Caerbannog (after the rabbit is killed and all objects taken). (useful) Huge Tracts of Land: Mountains behind the Bridge of Death. (useful) Coconuts: At a Sign From God: (from bird) by clicking on ground after initial dialogue. At Plague Village: (from bird) by clicking on naked man after clicking on curtains. At Witch Village: (from bird) by clicking on Bedevere after playing Burn the Witch. At Black Knight: (from bird) by clicking on steer skull in front of tent after playing Knights in Combat. At The Book: (from bird) by clicking on page after drawing of page At Camelot: (from bird) by clicking on castle after clicking on cloud. At Loimbard: (from bird) by clicking on Arthur after playing Catch the Cow. At Anthrax: (Two from Cupid) by clicking on Zoot after playing Spank the Virgin. At Caves of Caerbannog: (from bird) by clicking on cave after taking Goldy Hail from Dragon At Bridge of Death: (from bird) by clicking on Bridge Keeper after arriving at Bridge with all items (w/o message). (useless) Gold Coins: At a Sign From God: 8 coins by clicking on lower right hole in the ground repeatedly (might help to get helmet first). At Plague Village: 8 coins by clicking underneath dung when it flips. At Plague Village: 64 coins by clicking on hole bashed into the wall by the woman whacking her cat against the wall repeatedly. At Witch Village: 8 coins by clicking on right window behind the crowd. At Black Knight: (outside) 16 coins by clicking on old woman's nose after clicking on leaf or ground at the lower right of screen. At Black Knight: (in tent) 256 coins by clicking in top drawer of wardrobe. At The Book: 1, 16 or 256 coins by clicking on piles on page after drawing of page (i.e. messenger). At Camelot: 256 coins by clicking on cloud when sun and cloud come out jumping after trying to take the ninth brick. At Loimbard: 64 coins by clicking on brick in center section of wall, second from right, centered from top to bottom. At Anthrax: 128 coins by clicking on gold left behind by monk after working on left tree trunk (after you get the Moldy Tail). At Caves of Caerbannog: 1 coin by shooting peasant after clicking on cave (just after getting coconut). (useless) Camelot: At Camelot clicking repeatedly on tower when the bricks are gone. (useful) Bricks: At Camelot, by clicking on castle (over two visits) until only tower is left. (useless) Samurai Helmet: Thrown from right Frenchman (after gold and "vous" is found) at Loimbard. (useful) Sheep's Bladder: Gotten by clicking on Arthur several times at Castle Loimbard. (useless) "Vous": Loimbard, in the top brick of the left section of the castle wall (after finding gold there). (useless) Virgin's Bodice: Gotten inside Anthrax by clicking on virgins (after getting all items outside). (useful) Joseph of Aramathea: Gotten at second visit to Witch Village (after getting gold there on first visit). (useful) Black Knight's Sword: Gotten in Knight's tent, after getting tights, gold, prosthesis, and reading diary. (useful) Key: Gotten outside Black Knight's tent, by clicking on fallen leaf after viewing PlaySquire in tent. (useful) Black Knight's Tights: Gotten in Black Knight's tent from his wardrobe. (useless) Holy Prosthesis: Gotten from chest inside Black Knight's tent. (useless) Certain Death Sign: Gotten from Sir Robin's page of The Book on second visit. (useful) Zoot's Medallion: Gotten by clicking on God's beard repeatedly on the billboard on second visit (after getting gold there) at a Sign from God. (useful) Helmet: Gotten at Sign From God by clicking repeatedly on lower left hole. (useless) Bananas: Gotten by clicking repeatedly on center right hole at Sign From God. (useless) Dead Body: Gotten by clicking on cart upon second visit to Plague Village (after getting gold). (useful) Dung: Gotten at Plague Village by clicking on it repeatedly after the gold underneath has been taken. (useless) Knights: Gotten at Plague Village by clicking on naked man, then "catching" the knights as they bounce off of him. (useless) Holly Grail: Gotten from billboard at Sign From God after getting gold from lower right hole. (useful) Hilly Holly: Appears in inventory at the start of the game. (useful) Rolly Polly: Gotten from underneath Bedevere's skirts after getting all items at Loimbard. (useful) Moldy Hail: Gotten by putting the correct combination into panel above the door of Anthrax. (useful) Goldy Hail: Coughed up by dragon at the Caves of Caerbannog after killing rabbit. (useful) Holy Grail: Gotten from chest after unlocking it at end of King Brian the Wild Scene. (pretty darn useful) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Walkthrough [At any time during this walkthrough, feel free to click on any extraneous items you see in each game scene along the way to suit your interest, as it will hurt nothing and only make you enjoy the experience the more for it.] Part I: Registration -fill out all questions of registration, only paying careful attention to name, what you seek, favorite color, and capital of Assyria Part II: Gathering the Items A Sign From God -watch the opening -click on the ground -shoot the bird -take the coconut -click on the hole -click on the hole that just blew up -click on the hole that just blew up -click on the hole that just blew up -click on the first hole until you get the helmet -click on the lower right hole until you get gold -take the Holly Grail from the billboard -click on right center hole until you get bananas -click on edge of billboard (the clouds) until it repeats Go Forward to Plague Village -click on the dead body collector -click on the dead body collector and repeat until old man stops talking -click on the old man over the guy's shoulder Play Drop Dead, then return (you don't have to win) -click on curtains -click on naked man -shoot bird -take coconut -Click on naked guy -quickly click on the knight who jumps on him to take him -repeat the above two actions until there are no more knights -click on curtains -click on window, and look, but don't take it seriously -click on doorway at the top of the stairs repeatedly until the woman bashes a hole in the wall with her cat -click on hole -take gold -click on doorway again -the blue hand will try to grab your cursor and then turn into a fist: there is no way to avoid this. -shake the fist vigorously back and forth to lose it -repeat the above if the hand comes back -click on the dung, then quickly click on the gold while it flips -click on left wheel of cart (it should come off if you click on the right part) -click on dung repeatedly until you take it Return to Sign from God -click on clouds at sides until God appears again -click on his beard until Zoot's Medallion comes out -take Zoot's Medallion Forward to Plague Village -click on cart -take dead body -click on end of leg to take cover off -click on cart (with explosions) until a large cavity opens up Forward to Witch Village -click on Bedevere -click on witch twice Play Burn the Witch (you don't have to win). -click on Bedevere -shoot bird -take coconut -click on bird in tree -repeat the above until the bird lays a skull in the crowd, and take careful notice of the order that the crowd is "played" -repeat the same order of notes you saw (by clicking on sections of the crowd)as many times as necessary to get the witch to open her robe (the sequence is: lower center part of crowd, lower right, lower center, upper center) -after sequence, click on left window behind crowd -take gold from right window -click on witch until odd flying witch sequence appears Forward to the Black Knight -(after sequence) click on bridge until the Black Knight comes Play Knights in Combat as Arthur -click on the tent -shoot bird -take coconut -click on ditch until it fills with water -click on bridge for Arthur to go over it -click on ground at right lower edge of screen -click on old woman's nose -take gold -click on tent to enter it -take all of the mannequin parts -click on chest -take the Holy Prosthesis -open wardrobe -take Black Knight's tights -click on head -close wardrobe -open top drawer -take gold -close top drawer (if it doesn't close automatically) -go through Diary (on bed) until you come to "PlaySquire Magazine" -take Black Knight's sword -leave tent Play Knights in Combat as the Black Knight (for fun, just don't be *too* good and kill Arthur). -click on leaf in upper left tree (if it's the right one it should fall) -click on fallen leaf -take key Return to Witch Village -take Joseph of Aramathea Forward to Black Knight Forward to Book -read through book until the page after a drawing of a page (i.e. messenger) -shoot bird -take coconut -take from the largest pile of gold 3 times -turn page -click on picture -watch sequence -click on Dial Intershrub button (you should have 1128 gold pieces) -after sequence click on Laurel -click on compose message -write something (e.g. Hope you enjoy "it"!) -click again on message button to close -click on address button -click on down arrow, then choose Knights who say Ni -click on send button -click on back, then exit -watch sequence -turn page and amuse yourself with the dialogue Go forward to Camelot -click on castle to show video -click on castle until cloud comes out -shoot cloud -click on castle -shoot bird -take coconut -click on castle to take bricks until sun and cloud come out -click on cloud -take gold Return to Book -Turn to Sir Robin's page -take sign that's at the top of the page opposite picture Forward to Camelot -click on castle until only tower is left -click on tower until it "comes" into your inventory -after peasant cart leaves click on door -click on coffin to open Forward to Loimbard -click on up hand or down hand (whichever one is necessary) until the dialogue is finished and the Catch the Cow invite appears Play Catch the Cow (you don't have to win) -click on Arthur -shoot bird -take coconut -click on Arthur until sheep's bladder comes out -quickly take sheep's bladder -click on up hand -click on brick in center section (second from right, center) until you find gold -take gold -click on top stone of left section of bricks -take "vous" -click on right French guy and shoot targets until he throws the Samurai Helmet (right after he throws perfume bottle) -quickly take Samurai Helmet -click on down hand -click on the lower portion of Bedevere's garment (surcoat) and shoot targets until Rolly Polly comes out (right after jack hammer) -quickly take Rolly Polly Forward to Anthrax -click on brightest star between left tree and castle -keep clicking until Virgo the Virgin shows up (there should be a chime when you reach it) -click on the outline of castle until there's a string of lights along top edge and lights above the door light up -click on center of lights above door to reveal sign -click on each window until the lights are on in all -click on the stubby branch (bottom center) on the long branch in the lower right of screen -take the blossoms -click on base of new branch -take the broccoli -click on base of same branch twice -click on brightest star between castle and tree stump and cycle through constellations until Virgo the Virgin shows up with a chiming sound -click on upper perimeter of castle until lights are strung across and oval of lights appears over door -click on oval above door to see flashing Anthrax sign -click on door 5 times to go in -watch video Play Spank the Virgin (you have to win, but it's not hard). Write down the numbers and their order during the final round (the Nude Bonus Round) -leave virgins to go outside -click on Zoot -shoot cupid -take both coconuts -click on plaque above door (a row of numbers should show up) -enter the combination you got during the nude bonus round -take the Moldy Tail (i.e. gold grail above castle) -click on left tree trunk repeatedly until the monk leaves behind gold -click on castle door to go back in -sit through video sequence again -click on white virgin in upper left -click on pink virgin -click on lower white virgin -click on yellow virgin -click on green virgin -click on upper white virgin's face -click on each virgin in the room until they all have gone through four costume changes (original to gauzy nightgown, armor, costumes, kinky lingerie) -click on center virgin through same costume changes -take bodice on center virgin (part of kinky lingerie) -watch video -leave virgins to go outside Forward to Caves of Caerbannog -watch where the four spare knights come from -click on landscape (with explosions) until the explosion is right in the cave and Tim appears -click on Arthur -click in the areas where the four spare knights came out to get them all where they stood before -click on cave -click on rabbit -watch sequence where knights get holy hand grenades -click on cave [note: this next part takes quick timing, so you may have to try a few times] -pick up holy hand grenade with left mouse button held down, and drag it over rabbit, following the rabbit, then releasing it right when he gets to the far left disposable knight (if you miss this one, the next one will be to the lower right) -click on dragon that comes out of hole -after chase, click on dragon again -click on the Goldy Hail that comes out of dragon while guy talks (he'll give it to you eventually) -click on cave -shoot bird -take coconut -click on cave -shoot peasant -take coin -click on cave -quickly take wooden rabbit (it might take a double click) Go forward to Bridge -disregard the message -click on mountains in background to take Huge Tracts of Land Return to Caves Forward to Bridge -click on bridge keeper -shoot bird -take coconut -click on bridge keeper -answer questions (Assyria is trick question, so you'll die the first time) -answer questions correctly after being resurrected (use same favorite color as you specified in registration, and make sure you capitalize your name the same way as well) Part III: Placing Items & Lightening Patsy's Load [If you go forward to the bridge you'll notice that there are no boards for the first section. This section is about placing each important item in the correct place (you get a board for each one) and making Patsy's pack lighter by getting rid of everything unnecessary, so that you'll be light enough to cross the bridge.] -click on Run Away Go to Sign from God by clicking on map -click on the side clouds of billboard until "Huge Tracts of Land" appears -drag "Huge Tracts of Land" from inventory onto billboard (#1) -watch video Forward to Plague Village -drag Camelot from inventory onto grill-like cavity (#2) -watch video -now it's time to empty Patsy's pack of everything unimportant. Drag all of the following items from inventory onto the barrel: blossoms, broccoli, 11 coconuts, 9 bricks, sheep's bladder, vous, Black Knight's Tights, holy prosthesis, helmet, bananas, dung, and 7 knights. Forward to Witch Village -open inventory and scroll until Virgin's Bodice is visible -click on witch until she opens her robe -quickly drag bodice from inventory onto witch while her robes are open (#3) -watch video Forward to Black Knight -click on bridge -go into tent -open wardrobe -drag Samurai Helmet onto hat form (#4) -watch video -exit tent Forward to Book -go to Lancelot's Page -drag Black Knight's sword onto sword outline on left page (#5) -watch video -go to Knights who say Ni page -click on picture and watch video -click Dial Intershrub -buy and send to Knights who say Ni 5 azaleas and 6 elderberries (you should have 407 gold coins before this point if you followed directions correctly). -watch sequence Forward to Camelot -drag dead body from inventory into coffin (#6) -watch video Forward to Loimbard -click on up hand -drag wooden rabbit from inventory onto the top half of the bunny outline on the upper bricks of the left section (#7) -watch video Forward to Anthrax -click on bottom left-of-center of screen to bring up Zoot -drag Zoot's Medallion onto Zoot's hat (#8) -watch video Forward to Cave -drag Joseph of Aramathea from inventory onto the pedestal (#9) -watch video Forward to Bridge -drag certain death sign from inventory onto hole in the rock pile in the bottom left corner of the screen (#10) -watch video [At this point your inventory should only have the key and the fake grails. If you have more than that (which, again, you shouldn't if directions were followed) you must go back to the barrel (for items) or Intershrub (for gold)] Forward to Bridge close-up Forward to go over Bridge Watch King Brian the Wild segment -drag key from inventory onto the lock on the chest -take the grail! You've now done what they failed to get in the movie: you've gotten the grail! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Easter Eggs! Easter Egg #1: Go to the main menu and type "LOBSTERGIRL" [Editor: There is more than one picture that can be revealed in the background, so it's fun to keep playing until the pictures repeat.] Easter Egg #2: Press the F10 key while in Plague Village. [Editor: Apparently even King Arthur has financial planning.] Easter Egg #3 (Jason Asbell): Outside Castle Anthrax or at Camelot (2nd visit) type "DENNIS". [Editor: this sequence is just a repeat, but if your the sadistic type who loves to turn over Dennis' cart and bang his head into the ground (and who isn't?), this one's for you.] Easter Egg #4 (Jason Asbell ): Go to the main menu and type "GETONWITHIT". [Editor: This one truly speaks for itself.] Easter Egg #5 (Scott and Jessica Werbin and Netman6): Press F1 repeatedly at Camelot or Loimbard. [Editor: Swedish has never been so much fun. :)] Easter Egg/Cheat #6 (Brad Parks): Type in "URANUS" at the Collect the Grail scene. [Editor: An anonymous inside source has provided the use for this: when typed in at the Grail Screen before you play, all forward arrows are enabled and you can go to any location on the map regardless of what you've accomplished. This was used to give journalists access to the whole game.] Easter Eggs/Cheats #7-14 (from anonymous source): Cheat Codes for playing Catch the Cow (to be typed manually while playing): "BOB": will delay each cow hurling slightly so that it always misses the knight. "TRENT": gives you more time between each hurling and slows the speed of the cow. "JON": does same as TRENT. "LOREN": does same as TRENT. "APRIL": enables and disables the display of the bull's eye. "HOLYCOW": allows you to use the forward and backward arrow keys to advance through levels (although sometimes it traps knights in the previous level). "CHARLIE": makes each hurling quicker and deadlier. [Editor: this one's only for masochists] "JOCKO": takes you to the final round (Note: you start over with the first one when the final round is finished) [Editor: This way you can see more of Catch the Cow than the first few screens (well at least if you're as uncoordinated as I am, which is not likely)]. Easter Egg #15 (from anonymous source): At Loimbard type in "NOLEAF" [Editor: This truly gives you a whole new view of the witch at both Witch Village and popping out of the servant's pack at Loimbard.] Easter Egg #16 (from anonymous source): At Witch Village type in "DANCEFEVER" [Editor: This is a nice shortcut to the dancing sequence you can also get by playing the crowd like an organ.] EasterEgg/Cheat #17 (from 7th Level's Holy Grail Grimoire): At The Book type in "ALLCLIPS" [Editor: If you want to see *all* of the movie clips available in the Book for viewing (including the King Brian sequence) this is your best bet.] Easter Egg #18 (from Tasslehoff): At The Book type in "MAR" [Editor: A very cute kid and cake in an odd place.] Easter Egg #19 (from Tasslehoff): At Camelot type in "CLOUD" [Editor: Just a sound effect, but fun nonetheless.] Easter Egg #20 (from Tasslehoff): At Camelot while taking the castle apart type in "NOCASTLE" [Editor: If you're feeling insecure about dismantling the castle, this will build it back up a bit. Also you'll end up with more bricks to get rid of later.] Easter Egg/Cheat #21 (from Tasslehoff): At the end of the King Brian sketch type in "GIMMEITALL" [Editor: This will give you every item in inventory. If you missed the key earlier this can be a lifesaver.] Easter Egg/Cheat #22 (from Tasslehoff): At the upper part of Loimbard type in "GIMMERABBIT" [Editor: For those of you who couldn't get the wooden rabbit even by double-clicking, this will give it to you in the most convenient place possible.] Easter Egg/Cheat #23 (from Tasslehoff): At Intershrub type in "GOLD1" [Editor: Gives you 1 gold piece every time you type it in. Much easier than going back earlier in The Book.] Easter Egg/Cheat #24 (from Tasslehoff): At Intershrub type in "GOLD256" [Editor: Gives you 256 gold pieces every time you type it in. Much easier than going back earlier in The Book.] Easter Egg/Cheat #25 (from Tasslehoff): At Camelot type in "GIMMEGIMME" [Editor: If for some reason you couldn't get the dead body, here's a way to get it. The location is also very convenient] Easter Egg/Cheat #26 (from Tasslehoff): At the Black Knight while the Knight is standing in front of you type in "KICKASS" [Editor: If you're a lover, not a fighter or just squeamish use this to give peace a chance.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Oral Sex? The Spank the Virgin mystery revealed. This is dedicated to a subject over which much ado has been made on the message boards and newsgroups. It's all about a little flashing button that says Oral Sex at the bottom center of the screen at the end of Round 4 while playing Spank the Virgin. This expose will consist of three parts: debunking myths, the instructions for getting the password scene, and an editorial on the subject. Debunking Myths Myth: You can only get the screen to show up if you score 69. Fact: No specific score is necessary. Myth: You need to get under 100 at the end of the 4th Round to get it. Fact: Actually (to be anal) it only has to be under 125. Myth: You have to click on Nude Play before you play Spank the Virgin for it to show up. Fact: It works fine without (although it certainly can't hurt). How you Get the Password Screen Most of us when attempting to get the Oral Sex screen to show up only get a message that tells you that you don't have the right amount of points to get the screen. This leads you to mistakenly ask: OK, so what is the right score? Well, it's a little bit more complicated than that. There are two requirements that need to be fulfilled to get the password screen to come up: 1. Your score must be under 125 at the end of the 4th Round. 2. Your score must be higher than the previous High Score listed. While in this space before I had said that you might have to restart the game, Chris Chapo sent figured out a way to reset the high score without starting a new game, if you're playing the Windows version of this game: Resetting the Score 1. In the Windows directory open "7thlevel.ini" with a text editor (NotePad works fine). 2. Search for "SPANKHS" 3. Change the number after the equal sign to read what you want the high score to be. Warning: Do not do this while playing Spank the Virgin. [Editor: for the heck of it you might want to glance through the rest of the 7thlevel.ini file to gain new insight into the twisted minds of the programmers.] As far as the password part is concerned, I tried every password that's been hinted at on any board I've seen or in e-mail I've received with no luck. However, I think once you see the screen you'll realize that it is probably an end in itself, and I highly doubt that there is even the remote possibility of getting past it. If you're stubborn, and want to try every password you can think of anyway, go for it, but if you want to bring up the screen multiple times for each password make sure you start with a very low score and get it only a little bit higher with each successive game, as once you get up to 125 it's all over. Editorial: What is my editorial, that it is? Yes, well you may very well ask, what is my editorial? Well, this editorial, which is mine and belongs to me, is as follows . . . [ahem] The Editorial by C. Wells. I think the thing to keep in mind here is how seamlessly 7th Level has managed to mimic computer function dialogues in situations where they're not actually occurring; a case in point being the Intershrub segment. 7th Level was able to create the illusion of actually logging onto an Internet site while nothing of the sort was happening. Conversely, I think it's safe to assume that the animation representing the loading of graphics and sound, as well as the password entry box, all serve to create the illusion that there actually is an Oral Sex game to access in the first place. In pretty much every situation in the game where these computer dialogues have shown up, the processes they mean to represent are not actually happening. While trying passwords is fun, it is probably ultimately useless. In other words, it's part of the full Monty Python experience to have your mind messed with, so don't trust these bastards farther than you can toss a llama. [Note: if that last phrase seems harsh, remember that while playing Spank the Virgin over and over hundreds of times to pin down these details does not make you blind, it can cause PMS-like symptoms in women.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The End! Feel free to e-mail comments or suggestions to me at