SUMMARY:  Justin/Lance, Chris/Lance.  Lance breaks up with Justin
because he's in love with Chris, but he's afraid to tell Chris how
he feels because he thinks Chris will mock him for being a girl.


A Beautiful Thing, by Mercutio (mercutio@europa.com)


Justin took the break-up better than Lance had expected. 
Especially given why he was breaking up with him.  You just didn't
leave your lover for another man, particularly not your lover's
best friend, and especially not when you were in the same musical
group.  It was... well, it was certainly a lot more wrong than
Justin was making it seem.  There should be screaming. 
Accusations.  Things thrown.  The only member of NSYNC more of a
drama queen than his now ex-boyfriend was... oh.  Yeah.  The man he
was in love with.

Lance supposed there was probably something really wrong with him. 
With his psyche.  He didn't know what, but something.  Again,
though, not really news.  He was, after all, dumping Justin
Timberlake, Most Desirable Man In Twenty Countries, for someone who
didn't even know of Lance's interest in him.

"It's all right if you're upset with me," Lance said.  "You have
every right to be."

"Hey, no.  I don't have a problem, man.  I understand what you're
saying.  You're not in love with me anymore.  You're in love with
someone else."

Lance nodded.  Justin was being very understanding about it, but
then, it wasn't like Lance had told him yet *who* he was breaking
up with him for.  "Yeah."

"You're saying that you don't feel the way you think you should
feel about me."

He nodded again.  "That's what I was trying to say, yes."

"I mean, yeah, I don't want to give up someone as awesome as you,
but it's not like I'm losing you or anything.  We'll still be
friends and all that.  I understand completely.  It's not really a
guy thing -- I kinda expected we'd piss each other off and end up
breaking up like that, but it's cool that you want to have
something deeper.  I get it.  Just... it's a good thing you didn't
go to Chris with this.  He would have been all like, 'What are we? 
Girls here?'"

Lance didn't say anything, just looked down at his feet.  So, okay,
he hadn't thought he could keep it a secret that he had fallen for
Chris, but that wasn't exactly in the realm of things he wanted to
hear.

Justin groaned.  "Oh, man.  I'm so sorry.  It's Chris, isn't it? 
You're in love with Chris, and he doesn't know."

"Yeah.  Do you really think he'd... no, you're right.  I can hear
him saying that.  And he'd be right.  I *am* being a girl about
this."

"No, man.  God, I shouldn't have said that.  But, c'mon, you know
Chris.  He's your friend.  If he knew how you felt about him, he'd
be--"

"Exactly like you said.  This is Chris."

"No way."  Justin defended his friend.  "Chris can be serious and
sensitive and shit.  Just because he doesn't do it very often
doesn't mean he can't do it at all."

"It's okay, Justin.  You don't have to try to make me feel better. 
I know Chris.  And I fell in love with him anyway.  How stupid does
that make me?"

"Not stupid at all.  If he wasn't my best friend and wasn't a
complete freak, I'd totally go for him."

"I kinda like that he's a freak," Lance admitted, looking at his
hands.

"And that works for you.  I just like somebody more stable, y'know? 
Like you."

"I'm so sorry, Justin."  He flexed his hands, and set them on his
thighs so he wouldn't be tempted to ball them up into fists again. 
"If I could be in love with you, I would.  It would be so much
easier.  And you're a really nice guy.  It's not because you're
not.  Don't think that.  I don't even really know why I feel like
this.  If my feelings even matter.  It's stupid to believe in love. 
I should just take what you and I have and not want anything else."

"It's not stupid."

"Yes, it is.  Love is about wanting to be with someone and about
making the relationship work even when you don't feel it.  Like
NSYNC.  We all like each other now, but we had to work for that."

"Yeah.  Dude, Chris really hated you at first."

"Sometimes I think he still does."

Justin sat down and wrapped his arm around Lance.  "He doesn't. 
Chris doesn't hate you."

Lance waved his hand dismissively.  "Oh, I know he doesn't *hate*
me, but I'm probably his least favorite member of NSYNC."

"Well..."  Justin didn't deny it.  "You're kinda tied with Joey
most days, but he really hates being woken up early, y'know?  With
you being schedule guy, he doesn't have a lot of reason to like
you."

"You hate getting up early too, and I'm not your least favorite."

"You're also not sucking his dick on a regular basis."

"Point taken."

"So are you going to tell him?"

"No."

"What?" Justin looked at him incredulously.

Lance shrugged.  "Why should I?  I know how Chris feels about me. 
Nothing's going to happen between us, and even if it did, it
wouldn't be what I want it to be.  So why ruin the status quo for
nothing?"

"Because if you're breaking up with me, you should at least be
getting together with Chris.  Someone should be getting sex out of
this."

"I can't, Justin."

Justin set his jaw stubbornly.  "If you're not getting together
with him, then don't break up with me."

"It wouldn't be fair to you.  I don't feel that way about you--"

"Screw that.  I like you; I like the sex.  There's no reason to
stop doing that."

"Okay.  Let me put it another way.  It's not fair to me."

"Oh."  Justin deflated.

"Yeah.  I... just... I want something else, and maybe I -- no, I'm
definitely being really stupid about this, but if I can't have what
I want, then I don't want anything at all."

Justin drew back to examine Lance.  "You really mean this, don't
you?  You're really breaking up with me, and for someone you can't
even have?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Dude, you're fucked in the head, that's all there is to it."

Lance offered up a tired smile.  "I know that.  Believe me, I
know."

****

"So," Justin said, after he'd laid the situation out to JC and
Joey.  "We've got to do something to get the two of them together,
because Lance will never do anything about it, and he's all fucked
up over it."

"Maybe he's right, Justin," Joey said thoughtfully.  "Because, you
know, that *is* what Chris would say if Lance said he was in love
with him.  He'd make fun of Lance for being a girl all day long,
and Lance would get his feelings hurt, and that would not be cool."

"I don't know," JC said unexpectedly.  "I think they'd be good
together."

"What?" Joey asked.  "Why?  *How*?"

"Because.  Chris is so energetic.  Non-conformist.  And Lance is so
much the opposite.  In a box.  He'd fit in really well in the
corporate world, you know?  I could see him in a cubicle."

"No," Joey said when it was clear that JC wasn't going to say
anything resembling sense, turning back to Justin.  "We're not
helping them get together.  Don't even think about it.  Lance would
just get hurt."

"What if we sound Chris out?  Try to see whether he likes Lance? 
Or maybe get him to like Lance?"

"No," Joey repeated.  "And what is this 'we' stuff?  You're not
getting me involved in this."

"C'mon, Joe, it's for Lance.  Do you really want to be on the bus
with him all tour while he mopes over Chris?"

"Lance doesn't mope," Joey said unconvincingly.  "He always has a
lot of stuff to keep him busy."

"He plays his country music 24/7.  And not the good stuff either. 
All the songs about heartbreak and
you-ran-over-my-dog-and-that's-what-I-left-you-you-cheating-bitch
stuff."

"Country music's not that bad."

"You hate it when he's like that, Joe."

"Yeah."  Joey sighed.  "I know.  But this thing with Chris might
just make it worse.  A lot worse.  If we just let him get over it,
it'll be better.  He'll be miserable for a while, and then he'll be
back to normal."

"I'm prepared to take that chance.  Besides, if I'm not getting
laid, by God, somebody's going to get laid."

"Oh, Lord."

"You know," JC said, "abstinence is a beautiful thing."

****

"So, hey, Bass."

"Hey, Chris," Lance said to the man who had just plopped himself
down next to him on the couch.

"So Justin tells me you two aren't getting it on anymore, and JC
tells me that sexual abstinence is a beautiful expression of
self-love -- which sounds like a euphemism for jerking off to me --
and what I wanna know is, do I have to take you out back and whup
your ass for messing with my best friend?"

Lance was taken aback.  "I thought you knew we were sleeping
together.  I mean, you never seemed to have a problem with it
before..."

"Not that, dumbfuck.  You breaking it off with him."

"Oh, that."

"Yes, *that*," Chris said sarcastically.  "Could you sound less
enthusiastic?"

This really wasn't a conversation he wanted to be having with
Chris.  Part of him wanted to say, 'If it would make you happy,
I'll get back together with him,' while the rest of him was
screaming, 'I did it for you, you idiot!'  "Well, yeah, that.  It
was kind of a mutual thing.  Sort of.  It wouldn't have been fair
to Justin for us to keep sleeping together.  Not anymore."

"Pull the other one, Bass.  I know J.  As long as he was getting
laid on a regular basis, he would've thought it was fine and dandy
if you were screwing the Pope on the side.  What gives?  Is the
fabulous Timberlake booty suddenly not good enough for you?"

"It wasn't him."

"I figured that out for myself.  C'mon, give.  What reason could
you possibly have had for doing that to him?  'Cause I'm not real
happy with you right now."

Lance looked down at his hands.  Here was the part he dreaded.  "If
you really want to know, I'm in love with someone else."

Oddly enough, Chris didn't say anything at first, didn't tease him,
just looked at him for a moment, dark-eyed and serious.  "Someone
in the group?"

His hands clenched.  "Why do you say that?"

"It is, isn't it?"

"Yes," Lance admitted.

"I knew it!" Chris crowed.  "Hah!  And Justin said you'd never had
a thing for Joey."

Startled, Lance looked up.  "Joey?"

"It's not Joey?"  Chris made a face.  "Dude, you have a thing for
JC?  'Cause, I got to tell you, he may be all Mr. Erection Pants
during the show, but he's serious about that abstinence shit. 
Something about it improving the quality of his chi or something. 
If you ask me, sex would improve his chi more than lack of sex ever
could."

"Uh..."

Chris looked sharply at him.  "Bass..."

He should have agreed and said he was in love with Joey.  Joey was
a good friend; Joey would have backed him up on that, said he was
straight and so Lance's love was forever doomed but that he would
be supportive because Joey was like that.  But, no.  "It's not what
you think."

"And just what am I supposedly thinking?"

"Honestly?  I have no idea.  This conversation isn't going at all
the way I thought it would go when I thought about it happening at
all."

"How was it supposed to go then?"

"I was supposed to say, 'I love you, Chris', and you were supposed
to call me a girl and start laughing."

"Trust me on this one, Bass -- you're not a girl.  You lack the
requisite parts."

"Thank you," Lance said drily, "I'm aware of that.  And grateful. 
That wasn't what I meant.  You were supposed to mock me for my lack
of masculine sensibilities, or as you put it, my failure to
appreciate the fabulous Timberlake booty."

"So me sticking my tongue down your throat wasn't part of the game
plan?"

"No, that wasn't--" Lance's head snapped up, "What did you just
say?"

Chris rolled his eyes, leaned in, and demonstrated.  Lance grabbed
and held on.  He was actually pretty grateful that he *wasn't* a
girl right about then, and if they hadn't been on the couch in the
Quiet Room, he would have happily proven that he wasn't as well.

As it was, the sound of clapping got his attention.

A little dazed, he looked up to see Justin and JC standing in the
doorway.  Justin was beaming.  "Told you Chris would be cool about
it, man.  Glad to see *somebody's* getting laid."

"Go away," Chris said, "and somebody *will* get laid.  Just not
you, because the Bass ass is all mine now."

Lance nodded, the smile feeling permanently welded on his face.

"In fact," Chris added, "why don't you take JC and go run off and
play for a while?"

Justin eyed JC speculatively.  "You know, JC, sex can be a
beautiful thing."


-the end-