Don't you think it's time to stop the chase
Around the ring
Just stop running running
Round the ring
Don't you know that fate has been decided by the gods
Feel the distance, distance
Out of reach
"No, I'm just tired. I guess I didn't sleep well last night." Unconcerned reply to a frequently asked question.
"You didn't even move when Chris and Justin started screaming about the Playstation. Are you sure you're alright? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" The refrain repeated endlessly falling. But what good will talking do? It won't change the past or the future. Fate is fate is fate.
"So, I slept too hard or something. It will all be okay, Jayce. Be easy, C. Life goes on." Grimly, determinedly goes on and on and on. But doesn't move.
Sigh and shrug. "Okay. Fine, I'm overreacting again. Hey! Wanna see my lyrics? I'm sorta stuck, and you can help me." And he disappears to get his notebook.
Lance goes back to meticulously checking over A Happy Place's books. They have to be perfect because the fiscal year is about to end and it's such a freaking hassle to find a problem at the last moment.
JC returns with Justin in tow, both carrying notebooks with Chris's face on the front. "Okay, so what rhymes with party and is not hardy, which doesn't actually rhyme?" JC shoves Justin into the corner seat. He hates being trapped, which Lance knows because they've spent a million years together on the bus and because they dated for six weeks last year before Lance left for Russia.
Justin doesn't really mind taking the corner seat. It puts him between them; therefore they can both look at him at the same time. "Dude. I told you to use hardy as a *joke*. Now if it'd been Chris..." And Justin launches into some improbable story involving potted plants and giant foam hands. Justin hates feeling like nothing because he doesn't remember trying to be something.
He's never sure what he's doing to make people notice him and he keeps doing everything so he won't stop doing whatever it is people love him for. Lance and Justin were together for four months, when Justin was seventeen and Lance was just barely nineteen and feeling so grown up and proud of being someone Justin wanted to spend time with. Not *Justin Timberlake*, but just Justin, who'd had the prettiest look in his eyes when Lance said love.
Justin and JC have solved each other's writer's block by the time Lance comes back to listening to them. He's finally done with the Happy Place books. Carefully saved and backed up to disks, he starts in on FreeLance. New managers are being trained. Lance's company has become a fantastic place to intern.
"So, Basstronaut. Are you excited to be heading back to the land o' borscht and black bread?" Chris appears from under the table. It's odd, but nothing new, really. He's probably already tied Justin and JC's shoelaces together. Lance considers it no more than they deserve for wearing shoes on a bus with Chris.
Lance closes the laptop as Chris scrambles into his lap and starts pretending to check his hair for lice. It actually feels pretty nice, for a change. Lance lets his head be mauled and listens. It's only about three minutes before Chris starts to fill the tiny pauses between words with humming. Lance listens carefully to catch the melody, broken into a hundred pieces by rushing words.
Chris has so much in his head, so many deep thoughts. He can only let out the pointless stuff because he hates not knowing where he wants to end up. And Chris hasn't quite puzzled out proof of God or the way to put the reason for human existence into words, so he doesn't talk about them. And Lance knows that Chris will never be able to explain that he's just as much made of music as JC and Justin are.
Chris doesn't need to perform; nothing could ever silence the music in him. Lance knows that Chris sings in his sleep. There had been nearly a year of sleeping together and calling it fooling around just before Dani was in their video and Chris just... vanished. He was damn happy, and Lance never blamed him for leaving.
Lance starts as Chris exits his lap as quickly as he appeared. Joey must be nearby, then. It's confirmed when a hot hand ruffles his hair.
Lance opens his computer back up and goes back to working. "Cooking the books, Lance?" Joey's always so amused when Lance gets all 'business-y'. Being in RENT had been fabulous for Joey. He'd gained loads of confidence in himself. Joey's dream has always been to act. Lance knows this from half a year of whispered late-night confessions. Two scared, freezing boys huddled under too thin blankets in Germany.
Lance misses the shy Joey who made a real effort when he and Lance dated. Joey'd been wonderful and perfect and so understanding. And he'd been there when Lance fell for Nick and when Nick stopped falling for Lance.
And he'd been there after, hence the dating.
Hours of noise and activity fill the day. One long drive from here to there with there being "too damn far away, that's where." Lance didn't mind. It gave him time to get everything in order. And listen to everyone's plans for the upcoming break.
"I've got so many people asking me to produce for them! It's so cool! I'm, just, like. Are they going to be able to handle that I'm a big spazz?"
"Yep, tour dates all set up. I'm never going to go home again! I mean, I'm supposed to record as soon as I'm done touring? That's just backwards, yo."
"FuMan is back! Fuckin' yeah. I can't believe it myself. I was actually all ready for it to go to crap. Y'know? And relocating is great. I'm so gonna play every club in the Portland area, swear to God. Every one. I shall convert them all to Chris fans and the wonders of the Fine Kirkpatrick Ass. With Lance off in Russia, I'll have no competition at all."
"Man, Bri is gonna love the school we've got her enrolled in. It's got this fine arts oriented curriculum? And the theatre I'm working with is made up of parents! Practices are all during school hours, with evening stuff nearer the production date. And, Chris, we'll start touring the day the kids get out of school. I'll be with you in, like, six months. Not that you are relieved from visiting me. You're so not. I'll Jedi mind trick you."
"Lance, you must have paid someone a million dollars to keep this from leaking out. When are you going to tell the media about the return to training?"
Lance shrugs, not looking up. "Oh, you know Joe. I just. I really can't deal with everyone if it falls through again. I'm gonna keep it quiet until I know I'm going. Or as long as I can anyway."
Lance knows he sounds self-assured, confident in his plans. And he really is. He knows where he's going and how he's getting there. It could all change, but... But it won't. And he's okay with that. If only he weren't so tired all the time.
I feel that something's wrong
Surprise, surprise they're gone
Full moon your time goes by
And new moon's still kept out of sight
We live we die
"Group hug!" Chris declares. But then he just starts kissing Joey and forgets about the rest of the group. JC and Justin are too busy collaborating to notice. Lance feels something soft in his chest, something that might be fondness and something that might be love. And he goes back to laying everything out in straight lines and putting it all in order.
Out of mind
Can't get it
Can't get it
Out of my head
Sorrow and defeat