Guess it’s me and me
no one's picking up the phone
guess it's me and me
and this little masochist
she's ready to confess
He picked up the phone and called.
No one answered. She must not be home. Must not be home, even though it was late and she worked in the morning and she couldn't stand to let a ringing phone go unanswered.
Lance's girlfriend is named Charity. She’s from his hometown, though he'd never known her before Nsync. She'd moved there the year he left for Orlando. Lance met her when he went home for Christmas, after Russia. In the middle of the winter he came home again, because sometimes it just takes someplace completely familiar to let the changes be absorbed.
Lance went home and sang in church-- with the congregation, not a solo. And she was there when he came out the side door. Charity, talking to a tall, sandy-haired young man. She stood under the only working light and snow caught lightly in her hair. Lance thought it might be a message that there was only snow that night, and only for an hour. And that's when he met Charity, looking like an angel and talking to someone else.
hey Jupiter
nothings been the same
They started dating in the week Lance was home. The young man had been her high school sweetheart. She was "completely over him." Lance was glad, because she was sweet, and down home, and undemanding. She made him wait until he came back for a New Year's party held a week and a half late, on the tenth of January. It was their seventh date, and they had sex in her bed. She made him breakfast and blushed in the morning. Lance thought it might work.
Lance came home at least once a month until summer. She finished college and took two weeks of vacation from her new job to tour with them. It was really hard to have sex in the bunks on the bus, but they managed. Charity was always ready, but never demanding. She just looked at him through her lashes and let him know she was more than willing. Lance discovered that some part of his animal brain found the site of a woman pressing fingers into herself irresistible.
thought we both could use a friend
to run to
and I thought I wouldn't have to keep
with you
hiding
Lance was gay, but no one knew it.
Charity started being busy, which Lance knew meant she was going out with the high school sweetheart. He'd just gotten divorced. Lance didn't mind. Charity was a good girlfriend, which was all that Lance asked of her. And she was happy with the other guy. Charity was a good person, though. He knew it was only a matter of time before she told him, broke up with him and moved on. She would look beautiful crying.
Lance went home again, to see the sameness. But it was all different, slanted wrong and rushing past and then stopping still in turns. That’s when Lance started to realize that some materials aren’t absorbent, sometimes you just end up with an uncleanable mess.
Lance picked up the phone and called and she didn't answer. He wanted her to answer. But then he realized-- just calling meant he was safe for the night. Because he wouldn't have, not if he meant it.
no one's picking up the phone
guess it's clear he's gone
and this little masochist
is lifting up her dress
guess I thought I could never feel
the things I feel
hey Jupiter
Lance set down the phone and closed his eyes. But sleep didn't come.