Codes:  TNG, P, C, T, Guinan.  G-rated.  Part 1/1.  To be taken in the
same spirit as sh*ttl*cr*ft.

Summary: Picard gets a big surprise when the gender police decide to
visit the Enterprise.



Gender Specific, by Mercutio (mercutio@europa.com)


     "Do you think that the illicitly empowered male dominators
will catch onto our plan?"
     "Of course not.  We have ovaries."
     "Oh, yes."  The four women laughed.
     "You are so right, Guinan.  We *are* superior."
     "A womyn needs a male oppressor like a Q needs a starship,"
Beverly Crusher opined over her third stiff shot of whiskey.
     Ten-Forward was empty of all other persons of both genders. 
The lights were dimmed in respect of the ship's night.
     "And tomorrow..."
     "Tomorrow will be a sweet, sweet day."
     The womyn laughed again.

****

     Captain Picard sat down in the chair belonging to the captain
of the ship.  Picard tapped a control.  It was still early in the
ship's day, and Picard requested an oral report of the ship's status.
     The computer spoke.  "Ship's Daily Report.  All personnel in
Security have completed her assigned safety review."
     Picard thought that the report sounded odd, but couldn't
decide why.
     It continued.  "Lieutenant Commander Worf reports that she is
dissatisfied with her department's overall performance, and
requests that she be allowed to retake the review."
     Now Picard was certain that there was something wrong with the
computer.  Unless Worf had suddenly become female.
     As the Klingon was not currently on duty, it would be
necessary to page [gender-offensive pronoun deleted].
     "Picard to Mr. Worf."
     The captain waited to hear Worf's voice.
     The computer answered.  "Incorrect syntax."
     Picard's eyebrows raised.  Was there then a problem with the
computer?
     The captain tried again, this time to the one officer on duty who
might
be available.  "Picard to Lieutenant Commander LaForge."
     "Lieutenant O'Naughton here."
     The voice was female.
     "Excuse me?" Picard was startled into saying.  The natural
reserve of the person named Jean-Luc Picard took over, and the
captain said, "Never mind."
     As soon as the connection closed, Picard queried the computer. 
"Explain why I was directed to someone other than Lieutenant
Commander LaForge."
     "Lieutenant Commander LaForge is male."
     "Yes, I know that," Picard said to the person of Picard's
self.  The captain demanded, "Amplify.  Why is Lieutenant Commander
LaForge's gender relevant?"
     "The domination of the female gender by the male gender must
be redressed.  All male personnel in command have been removed from
her posts.  The male personnel have been replaced by her female
superiors."
     Picard didn't like where this was going.  "Computer, who is in
command of this vessel?"
     "Lieutenant Commander Deanna Troi."
     "Computer, what authority do I currently hold."
     The computer considered this for several milliseconds.  Then
the alarm klaxon began to sound.  "Intruder alert!  Intruder on the
bridge."
     Picard winced.  Ah, yes.  *That* status.

****

     Guinan laughed heartily.  "What happened next?"
     Beverly answered.  "Before or after Data asked me about the
possibility of doing a sex change operation?"
     The womyn exploded into laughter, her glasses tinkling merrily
as she toasted each of her selves.

-the end-