SUMMARY: NSYNC, Chris/JC.  Chris wakes up and realizes he's Jesus.

NOTE: This story is the result of an IRC chat with the lovely and
talented Caroline (cmbaker@princeton.edu), who really did most of
the work.


Jesus Chris, by Mercutio (mercutio@europa.com)


So the way it happened was this: one morning Chris woke up and he
was Jesus.

He still had Chris' mind, but he was in the body of our Lord and
Savior, Jesus Christ.  He looked a lot like Chris, except for the
long hair, the white robe and the flip-flops.

"Dude, you got hair extensions?  It's so not you," Justin said when
he saw him.

Chris rapped him across the knuckles with the remote control. 
"Touch not the body of thy Savior."

"Um, Chris?"

"Jesus Chris."

"Yeah, I'll go with that.  Jesus, Chris, what's up with you?"

"Son of God here, duh."

Justin did the only thing he possibly could -- called Lance on the
other bus, and asked him to come over.

****

"So, what you're saying is that Chris..." Lance began.

"No, not Chris," the freak formerly known as Chris interrupted. 
"You will call me Jesus Chris.  Or I will smite thee!"

Lance frowned, and grabbed.

Chris yelped.  "Ow, ow!  Not the ear, Lance!  Okay, I won't smite
anyone.  Can I give them boils?"

"No.  You can't give them boils.  Chris, you are not Jesus."

"Am too.  I can do miracles."

"Like what?"

"I can walk on water.  I did that on Saturday.  You were there."

"You were wearing waterskis."

"Well, I didn't want to freak anyone out, y'know?  But I could have
if I wanted to.  Besides, I didn't know I was Jesus yet, then.  I
was him but, y'know, unrevealed and shit."

"Chris..."

"Jesus Chris."

"Is this going to interfere with our shows?"

"Can I wear my robe?"

"No.  You still have to wear the costumes."

Chris stared at him for a long moment, then announced firmly,
"You're the Anti-Chris."

"I am not the Anti-Christ."

"Anti-Chris."

Sensing trouble, Joey intervened.  "Lance, Chris didn't mean..."

Lance grinned.  "Wade is.  Clearly."

Chris nodded wisely.  "You have seen the light, my son."

****

The change ended up not affecting their shows, because Chris mostly
kept the insanity between the five of them.  Which pleased Lance
who had harbored visions of Chris using their concerts as a venue
for announcing his Second Coming, but not so much Justin and JC who
had to share a bus with him.

Justin caught most of the fall-out, but JC felt the change too.

JC was snuggled into his bunk with his laptop.  Justin and Chris
both knew what he was doing, of course, but being in your bunk with
the curtain drawn was the universally acknowledged signal that
meant, 'Leave me alone, I'm having sex now', and they'd all
respected that from the beginning.  Except for, well... all right,
so they'd never respected it very well, but they knew perfectly
well that him in his bunk with his laptop meant that he was going
to be having cybersex.

It was probably for the best that he only had his pants open when
Chris flung the curtain open, shook his head and said, "You
disappoint me, my son."

Chris left before JC could ask him if he was disappointed that he
was doing sex things, that he wasn't not doing them with a real
person, or because Chris wanted to be his new daddy.

JC closed the curtain, and stared thoughtfully at the computer
screen.

****

Things got better and worse when the tour was over.  Better because
they saw less of Chris overall.  Worse because he seemed to be even
nuttier.

Like when the guys were over at his house, and he picked up the
empty carton of orange juice that Joey had just finished and set
back down on the table.  "Joey!  You Judas!"

"C'mon, Chris, this is getting old.  If you'd just shave, you
wouldn't even look that much like--"

"What?  Your Lord and Savior?  Don't you blaspheme now."

Lance sighed heavily.  "Joey, don't encourage him.  Chris, shut up. 
You're Jesus Chris, get a glass of water and change it into orange
juice."

"*I'm* encouraging him?" Joey asked.

Chris pouted.  "I can do it.  I just don't want to do it right
now."

"Really?"  Lance raised his eyebrows.  "If you can't do miracles...
well, how do we know you didn't just switch bodies with some
homeless guy?"

"I can so do miracles.  Just not around the Anti-Chris, because
you're making them not work."

Lance rolled his eyes.  "Right."

Justin ignored all of them, grunting into his cereal.

****

"If you can't playing the fucking game, then give me the ball,
'cause you're going *down*."

Chris dropped the ball and thumped Justin on the forehead.  "Out,
demons!  Out!"

"Ow, Chris, that really hurt!"

Chris grinned.  "I shall heal you, my son."

Joey caught up with the ball, and picked it up in time to see Chris
grab Justin, pull his head down and smack his lips against his
forehead.

"Getcher lips off me!"

Joey threw the ball at Chris.  "Hey, can you cast out the demons of
Ebonics, too?"

****

Chris was always on them about their sex lives.  After he caught
Lance masturbating, Lance gathered Joey and Justin together for a
quick conference, leaving JC to distract the madman.

"He said, 'Oh, Lance.  Put the serpent away, all right?'"

Justin snickered.  "Chris is talking so much about Lance's snake,
I think he wants it."

"He can't have it.  He's not getting a bite out of my apple
either."

"But it's such a nice apple."

"Shut up, Joey.  If he was the Son of God, he wouldn't give a good
goddamn about my ass."

"It's a nice ass, too."

"Shut up."

"So, wait," Justin said, "If he's Jesus Chris, does he... um,
y'know, fuck?  'Cause he's always on our cases about it.  Is he
being hypocritical about it, or is he all abstinent and shit?"

Lance looked at Joey, who shrugged.  "I don't know."

"You'd know best, Justin.  You see him the most."

Justin shook his head.  "Not a clue."

"Y'know," Joey said slowly.  "He sure does glow a lot, though, for
someone who's not getting laid."

"Yeah."

"He kinda does, doesn't he?  Fucker."

****

JC had his head on Chris' thigh.  "Let him kiss me with the kisses
of his mouth," he murmured dreamily.  "For thy love is better than
wine."

"Red, red wine," Chris sang, "you make me feel so fine.  Keep me
rocking, all of the time."

"*Chris*!  That's not how it *goes*!" JC giggled.

Chris stroked JC's stomach.  "C, I've been thinking.  I mean, I
know I'm not me anymore.  I definitely woke up different, but I
think maybe I was wrong about what I changed into.  Maybe I'm not
the son of God."

JC arched into his touch and looked up at Chris attentively.

"I'm not Jesus Chris, but I've got superpowers, so maybe I'm like
Spiderman or something."  He looked at himself.  "Spiderman with
long flowing hair and a beard and Birkenstocks, so not the Peter
Parker Spiderman, but..."

"Spiderchrist," JC said solemnly.  "Wrapping you in the web of
God's love."


-the end-