SUMMARY:  X/S, humor, pre-slash.  Response to NummyTreats' Prophecy
Challenge.  Giles throws out a prophecy to the group and Xander has
questions.

NOTES:  I didn't *mean* to make fun of everyone else's prophecies,
but as I read each new one, the Seussian part of my brain started
making up my own -- and the Xander part wouldn't shut up with the
snarky little questions.  (The other mad bunny wanted all of
Spike's William poetry, no matter how bad, to be prophecy, much to
Spike's chagrin.)

All of my stories can be found on my website
(http://www.europa.com/~mercutio/Stories.html).

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The Prophecy of Seuss, by Mercutio (mercutio@europa.com)



*
how fallen is the mighty and the wise
who brings death in dark's grey disguise
beware those who feast in the glow
in the hut of stone are you laid low
*


"Hey, G-man."

"Yes, Xander?"

"This prophecy-thing, it's like really old or something, right?"

"Yes.  Somewhere between 2400 and 3500 years old."

"So it probably wasn't written in English, then, 'cause English
wasn't around back then."

Spike rolled his eyes.  Giles just answered the question patiently. 
"No, Xander, it wasn't."

"Cool.  Dr. Seuss really does work for the Watchers."

"Dr. Seuss?"

Spike picked up the can of Coke sitting in front of Xander and
raised it to his lips.

"Hey!  I'm not done with that."

The vampire took a swallow.  "Whatever you're on, mate, I want
some, too."

"I resent the implication that I'm taking illegal pharmaceuticals."

"Resent it all you like.  Is it true?"  Spike handed the soda back
to Xander, who took it gingerly.  "Can't think of any other reason
why someone'd voluntarily drink that stuff."

"'M not sure I want it now."

"Yeah," Willow chimed in.  "You'd have to put your lips where his
lips have been."

Heads turned to look at her.  Xander finished off the Coke. 
"Somehow, it sounds funny when you put it like that, Wills.  And
not funny ha-ha."

"But you drank it anyway, didn't you, whelp?"

Xander shrugged.  "It's Coke.  Of course I drank it.  So, what's
with the Seuss stuff?  I mean, do they really pay people to sit
around and put all these dusty old books into rhyme?  And if so,
can I get a job working there?"

"No, Xander, you cannot.  And translation is a serious business. 
For instance, this prophecy was most likely originally written in
Avestan, then translated to Arabic before it was translated again
into English."

"Most likely?"

"Well, yes.  Many of the older texts that have survived into the
current era have done so only because they were preserved by other
cultures.  Greek, Latin and Arabic are all popular languages, so to
speak, for prophecies."

"Oh, like how the Bible comes from the Greek 'cause Alexandria had
a copy?" Willow interjected.

"Something like that," Giles said distractedly.  "If I could finish
reading the prophecy?"

"What's the point?" Xander asked.  "I mean, how do we know what
it's supposed to say?"  He waved the book he was holding open. 
"You're reading some Seussed-up English version of something that
was Arabic -- and probably rhyming in Arabic, too -- but was
originally in Asbestosian, and rhyming there, too.  All the poetic
licenses alone could've changed the meaning a dozen times.  If it
starts out saying, 'in the morning', but the scribe-guy decides to
put 'by the light of morn', then the next scribe-guy comes along as
retranslates that as 'in the lamp of sorrow' -- well, it just
doesn't mean the same thing any more, y'know.  Besides, think about
trying to find a rhyme for lamp.  Like, like--  Ouch.  Paper cut." 
He dropped the book, and cradled his finger, looking at the tiny
cut.

Willow jumped in.  "Like the invisible idiot!"

"The Slayer isn't here," Spike said, watching Xander closely.

The witch frowned at him.  "Yeah," Xander added.  "Besides, she's
not invisible.  Really hard to ignore."  A drop of blood welled up
from the cut.

"Point taken."  Spike's nostrils flared.  "Are you going to do
anything useful with that?"

Xander looked at his hand, then at Spike.  A mischievous grin
blossomed slowly.  "With this nice delicious blood, you mean?  This
nummy-yummy blood that's just dripping down my finger?  That
blood?"

"Wanker."

"Maybe."  Xander pointed the injured digit toward the vampire. 
Spike stared at it as though mesmerized.  "If you're a really
really *bad* vampire."

"Pet, I'm the Big Bad."

"I dunno..." Xander bopped Spike on the nose with his finger. 
Blood smeared the tip of his nose.  "I'm thinking you look more
like Rudolph."

Spike growled, and wiped his nose off.  Then he licked his hand
clean.  "Bloody wanker."

Xander looked at his hand.  The cut was clean; no more blood
appeared.  "Not nice *or* accurate.  Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah."

Willow took a deep breath, then cleared her throat.  "As I was
saying, I *meant* like how you can take a phrase like 'out of
sight, out of mind', and translate it into a different language and
then translate *that* back into English, and when you're done, what
you get is 'invisible idiot'.  It means the same thing, sorta, but
not really."

"Yeah," Xander said.  "What she said.  So how do we know that what
you're reading still actually means something, anyway, G-man?  What
you said could really mean, 'There's a demon out by the McDonalds 
on Fifth and Pine', and we'd never know."

Giles closed the book, holding his place with a finger.  His
eyebrows bunched as he thought about it for a moment.  "That's...
actually rather insightful, Xander.  I could try to find an earlier
translation..."

The door banged open.  "Giles!" Buffy said, entering the room.  "I
killed this big ugly demon.  It might be the one you were talking
about, with the prophecy.  It was beating up on these people while
they were eating--"

"At the McDonalds on Fifth and Pine?" Xander asked.

"No, the Burger King on Second and Elm.  So, monster slain, duty
done, does this mean an evening off?"

Willow and Giles looked from Buffy to Xander and back again.  Giles
looked a little pale.  "Yes, I suppose so."

"Great!"

"Xander, would you mind looking at this other prophecy I've
found...?" Giles began.

But Xander was already gone, followed by a swirl of black leather.


-the end-


N.B.  'The mighty and the wise' is a reference to 'the mighty men
of renown' (Genesis 6), which thought by some to be a reference to
the nephilim, who, from the same source, are thought to be the
origin of demons.  (http://www.logoschristian.org/demon.html, aka,
a quick and dirty way to make up a demon when you don't mind that
the demon doesn't match the religion in question)