Won't Do That, by Kate (sirkate@yahoo.com) and Mercutio
(mercutio@europa.com)


"But why not, Chris?"

"Because," Chris says firmly.  It's not an answer, but hell.  Might
as well try it.

"Because why?" Justin whines.  And who cares if he's whining? 
Sometimes it works.

Chris sighs.  He considers patting Justin's leg paternally, but
he's almost sure that'd have Justin in his lap in a half-second. 
The boy's like an over-eager puppy sometimes and just as hard to
kick.  "You're sixteen.  No way, no how."

"I'm sixteen and a half."

"You're still sixteen."

"Yeah, but only on the outside," Justin says, trying to be
reasonable.  "I've been a grown up for a long time, how it
matters."

"I concede that you're already too grown up for your own good, but
there's some things you just don't do.  I won't do this.  And,
hell, why me anyway?"

"Because, man!  You're my friend and I'm sexy, right?  And you're
sexy.  So we should be sexy together."  Justin nods firmly.

Chris snorts.  He bites his lip, then says to hell with it and
starts laughing.  "Fuck!  J, that's... okay, so it's not completely
pathetic, and you can do worse than have sex with your friends, but
that's not the way it works."

Justin juts out his chin.  "Why the hell not?"

For a moment, Chris almost starts talking about the birds and the
bees just to be funny, but Justin looks like he might hit him.  Or
cry.  "Usually, you do it either because you're completely horny
and you're attracted to somebody and you don't care about anything
else.  And that's where the whole safe sex and being careful about
who you do it with and where you do it come in.  But, Jesus.  Do
you even know if you're bi yet?  You're supposed to be falling in
love and having little puppy dog romances."

"Chris, I'm bi.  I told my momma when I was twelve.  I'm pretty
over the puppy dog romances by now," Justin says with scalding
teenaged sarcasm.

"Well, fine then.  You told me."  Chris shakes his head.  "J, I'm
flattered, but no."

Justin stamps his foot.  "But why?!"

Chris crosses his fingers behind his back.  "I'm not attracted to
you like that."

Justin cocks his head, examining Chris.  "Oh.  Wh--  Oh."  He
shifts from foot to foot.  "What if I changed how I look?"

"No, it's not how you look."  Chris wonders how much Justin is
aware of what's really going on behind-the-scenes and decides, what
the hell.  It's worth a shot.  "Besides, how do you know I swing
that way?"

Justin rolls his eyes.  "Hello?  I'm not blind.  I was there
when that German guy went into your room, you know."

"We were discussing records," Chris says lamely.

"Sure you were.  What about JC?"

"What about JC?" Chris says steadily.  Surely the guys didn't tell
him anything.

"Duh.  I've only known him, like, forever.  I know y'all were
sleeping together."

Chris groans.  "Okay.  Fine.  I'm bi.  But you're too young and
that's final."

Justin yells with no words, and storms out.

"Well, that could've gone better."

****

Justin storms back into his room and kicks the door.  His current
roommate, JC, looks up from the bed.  "Chris won't fuck me," Justin
pouts, jumping onto the bed next to him.

"He won't?"  JC blinks.  "Did he say why?"

"He said I'm too young."  Justin sighs.  "And he's not attracted to
me."

"Wow."

"Yeah."  Justin looks at JC.  "Why doesn't he want me?"

JC shrugs.  "I don't really know.  I don't think it's an attraction
issue though.  Not when he's already slept with the rest of us."

"With... the rest of you?" Justin repeats.

JC blinks.  "Didn't you know?  I assumed that's what you were
doing.  Taking your turn."

"Even Lance?" Justin asks.

"Yes."

Justin's lower lip quivers.  "Why not me?"

JC slides over and puts his arm around Justin.  "Well, you
are young."

"How old was Lance when Chris slept with him?"

"It was just recently.  So eighteen I think?"

"Fuck.  I don't want to wait two years!"

JC looks serious.  "So this isn't a rite of passage thing?"

"Well.  He's Chris.  And sex is always a rite of passage.  And he's
Chris."

JC smiles.  "I know."  He shivers a little.  "He was very
good when I took my turn."

"No fair!"

"He's been very good about it so far," JC explains earnestly. 
"That's what I meant about it being a rite of passage.  Once you
turn eighteen, Chris will fuck you.  It's worth waiting for."

Justin makes a face.  "But, dude.  Now.  I mean -- I'm horny all
the time."  He considers.  "Hey, C?  You love me, right?"

"Of course."

Justin rolls against JC and starts touching him.  "So, will you do
me?"

JC pushes him gently away.  "No, baby.  You're not old enough yet."

"What's with that!  I'm totally old enough.  I'm older than Joey
was, and older than Lance was, and probably older than Chris was,
too!"

"If it's just about being old enough on the outside, then you're
not old enough on the inside.  It's about maturity.  But," JC's
eyes get a little sad, "we're only talking about the group.  If you
want to have sex with anyone else, you still can."

"But that's skanky," Justin says, scandalized.

JC laughs.  "And coming onto me after Chris turned you down isn't?"

"But you're my friend, too.  You wouldn't hurt me."

"Are you a virgin?"

Justin pauses for a beat too long before saying, "No!  No, of
course not."

"Your first time should be special.  With someone you love."

"Oh, well, yeah.  It was."  Justin nods hard.  "Um, but I love you,
too."

"You're not in love with me," JC says gently.  "And I'm not
in love with you."

"And you think Chris was in love with Lance?  Were you in love with
Chris?"

"No, but that's different.  None of us was sixteen."

"Wait, so you're telling me that, after the first one, it doesn't
matter if you're in love or not?  Or is it just after you're
sixteen?"

"Not exactly.  It's... there's a difference, you see, being having
sex and making love.  And what we all did was having sex.  And it
was really good sex.  But what you want is making love.  And I
can't do that with you."

"JC?  What I want is to have sex!"

"No, you don't.  You're sixteen."

"So?  I've got a dick don't I?"

"You do.  But you don't have any right to use it on me.  Maybe you
want to have sex, but I don't want that with you, and I won't.  Not
until Chris will."

"What's so special about Chris anyway?"  Justin falls onto his own
bed, giving up on JC.

"He's Chris," JC says.  "And, when we first got together, he
wouldn't sleep with any of us.  Not me and not Jason.  It started
out as sort of a contest between us to see who could get Chris into
bed.  Then Joey joined it and it became more like a way to know you
were old enough.  If Chris would fuck you."

"He's gonna fuck me, but you won't have sex with me," Justin says
petulantly.

"If Chris does, I will," JC promises.

"Fuck me," Justin repeats, kicking at the mattress.

"No."

"No, I mean Chris will.  Fuck me."

"He will?" JC's startled.  "I thought you said he wouldn't."

Justin snarls.  "No, when he will though, he'll fuck me, and
you're arguing about making love.  Only that's not Chris, right? 
Fucking."

"I don't understand you."

"Why not?  I'm confused about this whole damn thing.  I just want
sex.  And, yes, I haven't had it before -- don't you tell anyone,
though -- so I ask Chris.  Because he's my friend and wouldn't hurt
me and because we're both hot, only he doesn't think I am.  And
you're saying that what I want is to make love.  But, since y'all
won't sex me before Chris does, I'll be a virgin then.  And Chris
will fuck me, not make love.  Did that get through to you?"

"Ah, okay.  I do understand now, but you aren't listening to me. 
I think you should make love to someone before you starting fucking
people.  Which means you need to find someone who's in love
with you and who you love back."

"But the only people I'm around are you guys.  And you don't love
me."  Justin turns off the light and rolls onto his side away from
JC.  "Good night."  He doesn't want JC to see him cry.

Teenagers.  JC rolls his eyes.

****

Chris thinks Justin forgot about it when he doesn't hear anything
from him after a couple of weeks.  It's only natural.  Their
schedules are hectic enough that it can be difficult to concentrate
on an idea for very long, and besides.  Justin's a straight-forward
kind of kid.  Look at the way he'd come on to Chris.  If he was
going to say something, he'd've said something.

Frankly, Chris is relieved.  Especially since JC told him that
Justin came onto him, too.  It looks like the boy is just itching
for sex.  Chris can understand that, but he's sixteen,
damnit.

Justin sighs and rubs his runny nose.  He sniffles and looks
around.  The hotel is so cold.  He finds Chris.  "Chris, I'm cold."

"Put on a sweater."

Justin opens up the blanket draped around his shoulders.  "I'm
wearing one."  And two pairs of sweats, three pairs of socks, and
two undershirts.

Chris blinks.  "You sure you're not sick?"

"I'm cold," Justin repeats, like Chris is deaf.  "You should let me
cuddle.  I'm cold."

Chris holds out his arm.  "Well, c'mon over, kiddo.  No one's
stopping you.  Just don't get me sick, too."

Justin squeezes at close to Chris as he can get.  He tips his head
up, grinning.  "Thanks."  And, really, he is cold.  Though it's
also a ploy to get against Chris' sexy body.

"Yeah, yeah.  Shut up and watch TV."

Justin tries to be discreet, really.  He only touches Chris when
Chris is distracted.  And his hand just falls naturally onto
Chris' leg, really.

When the hand starts up his thigh, Chris asks casually, "What the
hell do you think you're doing?"

"Um."  Justin freezes.  "Um.  Trying to, like, um.  Seduce you?  Or
something?  I thought..."

"You thought, oh wow.  I've suddenly aged two years overnight and
hey, Chris is over there so I'll jump him?"

"No."  Justin looks down.  "I thought maybe you'd lo -- like me, a
little.  And, um.  Change your mind.  'Cause it really wasn't just
a momentary thing, I swear."

"Right."  Chris picks up Justin's hand and sets it in Justin's lap. 
His voice is dry.  "Because you're deeply, desperately in love with
me."

"Well, no.  I'm not a girl."  Justin's just a little in love
with Chris.  Like a crush.  A manly crush.

"No.  You're a teenage kid who's just discovering his dick and
trying to find out which of his friends will sleep with him.  Well,
congratulations on the newfound equipment, kiddo, but leave me out
of it.  Only one who's your age anyway is Lance."

"Lance isn't my type.  And, like, JC told you, huh?"

"Yep.  Woulda kicked his ass though if he'd said yes."

Justin grins.  Chris is all jealous.  There's hope yet.  "I knew
he'd say no, though."

"Your alien logic escapes me."

"JC wouldn't have sex with me," Justin says.  "He, like, thinks I'm
his brother or something."

"You guys practically grew up together the last few years," Chris
says.  "Makes sense to me."

"See?  I knew he'd say no.  Besides.  I want you."

"Yeah, right.  Sell me a different bridge.  Look, you need condoms? 
I can get you condoms."

Justin's mouth drops open.  "You'd let me fuck some random
groupie?"

Chris shrugs.  "As long as they were the right age and you weren't
be stupid about doing it in some alley or in front of your mom or
something, sure."

Justin stands up.  "I'm not cold any more."

Chris nods, a little sadly, but he keeps it out of his voice. 
"Yeah.  Figured you might not be."

"Do you think I'm skanky, then?" Justin asks, clinging to his
blanket.

"No.  I think you're horny."

"Well, duh, but that's not the point!"

Chris drops his head.  "Dear Lord, I'm very sorry for everything
I've ever done to deserve having to relive teenage melodrama over
and over.  Sincerely yours, Chris."  He looks up.  "So what's your
point?  Hit me with it.  Unless it's your dick, then keep it in
your pants."

"I want you," Justin says, voice wounded.

Chris scrubs his hand through his hair.  "Thanks, kid.  It's good
to be appreciated.  But, hell.  You live with me.  I'm your friend.
These things happen.  Being attracted to people who're close to
you.  It's natural.  It doesn't mean anything.  Trust me."

"It means that I want you.  And not Lance, who I spend more time
with.  And not JC, even though I trust him as much as I trust you."

"I hate being the parent," Chris mutters.  "Look, I know this feels
real and urgent and like it matters a lot, but it's not really a
big deal like you're making it out to be.  Go find some girl -- or
guy if you want -- to be your girlfriend and kiss and stuff and
have your little puppy romance.  You'll be happier in the end."

"Fine!  Be that way!"  Justin stomps out of the room and back to
the room he's sharing with Lance.  "I'll pay you ten dollars a week
to kiss me!"

Lance looks up.  "A week?  How long were you planning on this
lasting?  Wouldn't per day be more economical?"

"No, I don't think so.  I need to be a really good kisser. 
Because eventually I'll get Chris to kiss me, and I don't want to
be, like.  Bad at it."

Lance looks at Justin.  "You want me to give you
lessons in kissing so you'll be good enough for Chris?"

"I just said that!"

"I'm still not sure I believe it.  But ten bucks, right?"  Lance
shrugs.  "Sure."

"Okay.  Can we start now, then?"

"And the ten dollars?"

Justin finds his wallet and hands over two fives.  "Okay?"

Lance pockets the money.  "Okay.  C'mere."

Justin sits cross-legged on Lance's bed.

"Closer.  Like right here."  Lance pats the bed.

Justin scoots into place.

"You kiss me first," Lance says.  "We can start from there."

Justin takes a nervous, minty breath, and kisses Lance with his
mouth closed.

Lance pulls back and studies Justin.  "You know that's not the only
kind of kissing, right?"

"Yeah."

"Kiss me the other way then.  With your mouth open."

Justin does, flicking his tongue against Lance's tentatively.

Lance pulls away and nods.  "That's not bad.  You're not trying to
do too much or biting me or grinding your teeth against me.  But
it's kinda... virginish.  Like it's your first time.  And that's
what you don't want to be, right?"

"Right.  I want to be good enough for... well.  Just good."

"For Chris.  You already said that.  Okay, then.  I'm gonna kiss
you this time.  See if you can tell the difference."  Lance puts
his hand on Justin's cheek and moves his head slowly forward. 
Justin's completely unresponsive, and Lance pulls back in
frustration.  "You can react.  You should react.  Just don't
try to take control."

Justin nods.  This time he rubs his cheek into Lance's hand just a
little, and closes his eyes.

"Better," Lance says against Justin's mouth before kissing him
again.  This time, Justin's sort of trying to kiss him back.  He's
not doing it well, but at least he's doing something.  Lance moves
his lips over Justin's mouth, teasing it open, then dips his tongue
inside just for a moment.  When he pulls back, Justin's still
leaning forward into him.  "Get the idea at all?"

"Um.  Slow?  And, um.  Make me, I mean them, want to kiss you
back?"  Justin opens his eyes slowly.

"Right.  Fast's good sometimes, too.  It doesn't always have to be
slow.  But if you don't know which, then it should be slow.  Joey's
really the best kisser, but you won't be able to try him until you
get to sleep with Chris."

Justin swallows.  "I want to be good, though.  Chris won't sleep
with me."

Lance rolls his eyes.  "Of course not.  You're too young still. 
Took me forever to get him to give in."

"JC says that Chris will fuck me when I'm eighteen," Justin says.

"Probably," Lance agrees.  "Not before definitely.  But he might
make you wait longer.  He didn't think I was well enough." 
Lance rolls his eyes again.

Justin decides to trust Lance.  "Um.  JC says that the first time
should always be making love.  Is he right, do you think?"

"Maybe.  Mine wasn't.  I didn't like it very much."

"I'm sorry," Justin says, and spontaneously hugs Lance.

Lance stiffens, a little surprised, then hugs back.  "It's okay. 
Chris made up for it.  And Joey and JC."

"Wait, you slept with Joey and JC, too?"

"Yeah.  After Chris did, they were good with it.  It was," Lance
blushes.  "Kind of Joey's idea anyway."

Justin smirks.  "You and Joey, maybe?"

"I like Joey.  A lot."

Justin smiles and hugs Lance again.  "Good.  Oh!  But, you can
still kiss me, right?"

"I already took the ten dollars," Lance points out.  "Besides, it's
kind of my responsibility, since no one else is young enough."

Justin blushes.  "Am I really bad?" he asks.

Lance shakes his head.  "No.  You don't seem to have any bad
habits.  That's the worst part, Joey says.  People who think
there's a certain way they're supposed to kiss and who don't like
it any other way."

Justin nods a little.  "Okay.  So, what should I try to do better?"

"Um.  Be more confident?  More like you know what you want. 
Remember that you're not trying to get your tongue inside so much
as you're trying to get someone to want you.  The heavy tongue
stuff," Lance blushes again, "is supposed to imitate sex.  So if
you're just trying to get someone to want you, then you wouldn't do
that.  It's more for when you're already having sex with someone."

"C-can I try again?"

Lance nods.  "Sure."

Justin leans in and kisses Lance again.  He tries only using his
tongue lightly, to tease at Lance's lips.  And then, just to see
what happens, he sucks Lance's tongue into his mouth gently.

Lance responds to him like it was real, but there's nothing behind
it.  When he pulls back, he says so.  "That's good.  We can
practice more on just that.  But it's..." he waves his hands.  "I
don't feel anything when you kiss me.  And that's almost more
important than anything else."

"Is it because I'm not doing something right?"

"Um.  Not exactly."  Lance takes a deep breath and looks at Justin. 
Really looks at Justin and thinks about loving him and falling in
love with him and really caring about him.  It makes him smile and
reach out to pet Justin's rebellious hair.  His hand trails to the
back of Justin's neck and he pulls him forward with the pressure of
his fingertips.  "You'll get it," he says, "don't worry," and then
kisses him.  Only a hint of tongue, open mouth moving over slightly
parted lips.  When he's done, he drops a closed mouth kiss on
Justin's lips.

Justin smiles at Lance from just a couple inches away.  "Thank you
for helping me."  And then he kisses Lance back.  He's so full of
all the good things that Lance is and does.  It's a good kiss;
Justin likes it.  Even if he doesn't have a manly crush on Lance.

Lance nods and smiles at him.  "Yeah.  Like that.  Exactly like
that.  That was a good kiss."

Justin grins.  "Okay.  Now teach me to make it better."  His hands
are on Lance's shoulders.  And it's all so comfortable.  He can't
imagine why it's not good to learn from friends.

"Practice.  You just need a lot of practice.  Like dancing."  Lance
chuckles at the sudden thought of those two things and how
he's the one teaching Justin how to do something for once.

"Okay."  Justin yawns, covering his mouth.  "Uhm.  Are you done
with that essay yet?"

"Yes.  I'm working on math now.  So I can get it done early.  Did
you need help?"

"When you're done, will you look over my math?  I finished it
before I went to Chris' room.  I thought... maybe I wouldn't be
back, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."  Except for Lance, it'd been Joey.  When he was
seventeen, Joey'd turned him down gently but firmly on sex. 
Everything else -- kissing and touching -- Joey'd given him.  But
no sex, nothing leading to sex.  "I'll look at it."

"Thanks."  Justin sighs and lies down next to where Lance is
sitting.  "You're actually pretty cool, Lance."

"Thanks.  I think."

Justin snuggles comfortably around Lance.  "I'm cold," he explains,
closing his eyes.

"Me, too," Lance says, because it's almost never Mississippi hot.

"You can come to me, when you are.  We'll keep each other warm.  If
Joey's busy, I mean."  Because Joey's always the warmest, and he's
always willing to hold Lance close.

"We don't sleep together much," Lance explains carefully.  "He just
holds me sometimes."

"I know, Lance.  I just... I'm sorry.  I didn't mean anything."

Lance smiles.  Not at Justin, because he isn't looking at Justin. 
More at the wall, except he isn't looking at that either.  "It's
okay.  You don't want me either."

"No," Justin admits.  "But Joey does."

"Maybe."

"I'll help you get him, if you help me get Chris," Justin offers.

Lance shakes his head.  "I can't.  He won't have sex with you.  He
absolutely won't.  I think maybe he gave in a little on me 'cause
of Joey and JC, but he was even worse with them.  He has these
ideas."

"What ideas?" Justin asks.

Lance lies down on the bed.  It looks like it's going to be a long
conversation.  "Like the age thing.  I tried pointing out to him
that the age of consent is different in different areas, and that
he was being irrational about insisting on eighteen, but he just
said I was lucky he hadn't decided on nineteen."

Justin heaves a heavy sigh.  "I can wait."

"That's good, because I don't think he's going to change his mind." 
Lance lies there for a while.  He's not sure he should be giving
Justin pointers, because Chris is serious about the age
thing, not like Joey who'd been happy to help Lance out as long as
it wasn't going to get him in trouble with Chris.  "But..."

Justin jumps on the opening.  "But?"

"Well, y'know, Joey wouldn't either with me.  Not until Chris
would.  But he'd kiss me and stuff.  I don't know if Chris will,
because he means it when he says that you have to be eighteen. 
But, maybe, he might.  I don't know."

Justin thinks about it, then blushes.  "I'm not good, though.  I
have to be really good, right?  Y'all act like Chris is god -- and
by the way, I can't believe y'all slept with my crush -- so I have
got to be good, or he'll never give me a chance.  Not even
when I am eighteen.  I know he doesn't like me like that, so sex is
all I've got.  I don't want to fuck up and not get that chance,
either."

Lance is startled.  "You think he doesn't like you?  You're his
best friend of all of us.  He likes you most.  And," Lance feels
his face heat up again.  He hates that.  "He, um, sort of likes us
all.  Enough to.  Y'know.  That's why it's really good.  Because he
does."

"Yeah, but -- it's not the same," Justin admits.  "I, um.  I sort
of think I have a crush on him.  A manly crush."  He doesn't look
at Lance when he says it.

Lance laughs.  "Me, too," he confides.  "I did.  Before and for a
while after.  He was really good about it, too.  For a while.  Then
he started pushing me at Joey and I remembered why I'd originally
started wanting to sleep with Joey."

"How bad d'you think it'll hurt if I fall in love with him?  Since
he won't fall back?"

"A lot," Lance says.  He's in love with Joey and he just knows Joey
only likes him.

"Oh."

Lance rolls over onto his side and looks at Justin.  "That doesn't
mean you shouldn't though.  Just that it's gonna hurt."

"Well, it's not like I can help it, really," Justin says with a
sigh.  He reaches out and touches Lance's cheek.  "Joey's stupid."

"He likes me," Lance says.  "And he'll sleep with me sometimes. 
Just not always."

"He loves you.  We just have to make him see it."

"Justin... you don't have to go messing with Joey 'cause you can't
have Chris.  I like him like he is."

"Yeah.  But you'll like him better when he sees you in leather
pants."

Lance blinks.  "Leather pants?"

"Uh huh.  You have a great ass."

Lance feels an urge to cover it with his hands.  "I do not."

"You do, too.  It's all perfect and grabbable."   Justin looks over
his own shoulder.  "I don't have an ass."

"I don't like admitting it, but I'm starting to understand Chris. 
Don't talk about your ass, okay?  Or mine."

"Just trying to be supportive.  Geez."

"I don't want to think about having sex with you.  Or vice versa."

"Oh.  I wasn't talking about sex, duh."

"Close enough.  You said my... I was grabbable."

"So?  That's like saying you have nice hair.  It's just a fact."

"My hair isn't sexual," Lance says.

"Well you have pretty eyes.  That's kinda sexual."

"Nope.  That isn't either."

Justin sighs.  "Dude.  I didn't mean anything by it, okay?"

"Okay."  Lance is still grateful that Chris has to go first, so he
has an excuse.

Justin shrugs.  "Sorry."

"It's okay.  You going to sleep here?"

"Oh!  Oh, no, I'm sorry."  Justin tumbles out of Lance's bed and
climbs into his own.  He carefully spreads the blanket from around
his shoulders across the bed.  It's cold enough without the blanket
all folded up funny.  "G'night, then."

"You don't have to leave," Lance says, staring across at him.  "You
can stay.  Just turn out the light first, okay?"

Justin bites his lip.  "I, um.  I don't want to, like.  Dream on
you."  He ducks his face down so that the blanket hides his blush
and only his eyes show.

"Oh."  Lance blushes, too.  "It's... that's okay.  As long as it's
not on purpose or anything."

Justin drags his blankets over to Lance's bed.  He turns off the
light and crawls in.  "I hate Germany."

Lance touches his arm.  The bed's narrow and they're pressed close
together.  "Me, too."

Justin sighs.  "I miss home," he whispers.  Lance is the only one
he can admit it to.  Justin promised his mom he'd be strong and
wouldn't mind being away.  That it'd be one big vacation.  And if
he said he was homesick in front of any of the others, they'd tell
her.

"We'll go back to Florida," Lance tells him.

"I know."  Justin closes his eyes.  "Good night, Lance.  You kiss
real nice."

"Night."

As with every night, Justin thinks he'll never sleep.  This night,
though, he doesn't even remember counting to ten before the
darkness takes him.

****

Justin and Lance practice kissing every night -- unless they're
just too tired.  And eventually it sort of becomes comforting. 
Whenever Justin's kinda homesick, or he wants to be with Chris so
bad he can taste it, he goes to Lance, and they kiss and it's sweet
and friendly and, well, Lance is really good at kissing. 
Really.  Good.

So, it's really not that surprising when they get caught.  Justin
thinks for a moment that they're lucky to have made it a month. 
It's early September, and JC's been sniffling so much that he can't
really yelp in shock very loudly.  Justin jumps up and slams the
door behind JC.

JC bypasses Lance and looks at Justin.  In a voice that's so
neutral that it practically implies accusation, he says, "I thought
you were in love with Chris."

"I never said I was in love with Chris," Justin points out.  "I am. 
But, that's not the point.  Lance is teaching me.  So, like, if
Chris -- when Chris will touch me, I'm not terrible.  I'm probably
only gonna get that one chance, right?  Since he's not attracted to
me, he's not going to want to do it again.  But I want to be good
for him, that once."  He digs his toe into the carpeting, arms
hugging himself.  "Besides, Lance is nice to me."

JC's expression softens a little.  "What's he teaching you?"

"Kissing," Justin says quickly.  "Just that."

JC nods.  "Okay."  He opens his arms to Justin.

Justin steps forward slowly.  "You're okay now?"

JC hugs him and lets him go.  "I was just surprised, that's all. 
I didn't know."

"Well, no.  I mean.  We're not really hiding it."  Justin casts a
quick look over at Lance.  "Just not announcing it either.  Right?"

Lance nods.

"You could tell us," JC says.  "If you want.  Just not Lou, not
ever.  Or anyone else who might tell him."  He hesitates.  "I won't
tell you not to tell your mom, because that's how you know someone
wants you to do something wrong is that they don't want your
parents to find out.  But it's a secret."

"I don't tell my mom about the people I like," Justin says.  Then
he shudders.  "That's just weird.  But she knows I like boys and
girls."

"But you could," JC says.  "You don't have to not
tell.  Just don't tell Lou."

"Duh," Justin says, rolling his eyes.

JC grins at him.  "Just wanted to make sure.  Sorry I walked in on
you.  You need to be more careful.  So you can keep the wrong
people from finding out."

"We will be," Lance promises.

Justin smiles slowly.  "Hey, JC?"

"Yes?"

"Why didn't you tell me you slept with Lance?"

"You didn't ask," JC says primly.

"Is Lance really a good kisser, or do I just suck that bad?  'Cause
he's, um, really.  Uh.  Good."

JC narrows his eyes and looks at Lance, who's blushing and staring
at the floor.  "Lance is good.  New and eager and clumsy sometimes. 
But good."

Justin juts out his chin.  "He's not, though.  He's really patient
with me."

JC smiles at him.  "I'm sure he is.  That's why I suggested him."

Justin crawls onto the bed with Lance again, hugging him with one
arm.  "It's funny, though.  Because we.. or I like kissing
Lance, but it's not like I feel about Chris.  No butterflies or
whatever."

Lance puts his hand in Justin's.

"So you do still think you're in love with Chris?" JC asks.

Justin shrugs, holding tight to Lance's hand.  "Well.  I, um.  I
know I have a crush on him.  A manly crush.  And it's bigger than
anything I ever felt before."  He looks up at JC suddenly.  "I'll
wait.  For my turn.  And after -- well, at least I'll have had
something."  He looks at Lance, just a quick glance.  "And that's
better than nothing."

"It's all right to have a crush on Chris," JC says gently.  "Just
don't confuse that with love."  He pats Justin's arm.  "I think
you're doing fine just like you are.  With Lance."

Lance and Justin look at each other.  "It's not there, JC," Justin
says.  "Lance likes J-"  Justin coughs,  "Um.  Just being friends,
and so do I."

"What's not there?"

"The spark.  Chemistry?  Whatever."

"Oh."  JC gives him a little smile.  It's mysterious and tilted on
one side.  "It gets better.  You'll see."  Then he kisses Lance and
leaves.

Lance licks his lips and looks at the door.

Justin looks over at Lance's shiny lips.  "Um."

"Yeah?" Lance asks throatily.

Justin remembers to go over and lock the door before coming back to
kiss Lance.

****

Around Thanksgiving, Joey starts getting homesick for his family. 
By December, it's really bad and he's seeking out Lance for
comfort.

Lance refunds Justin $3 of his $10 and goes with Joey happily.

Justin rolls his eyes and sticks the money back into Lance's
wallet.

Joey knocks on Lance's door again.  "Dude?  You ready?"

"Almost!" Lance calls out.  He's nearly giddy.  "See you later. 
Joey wants to go out with me.  I, um.  Don't know when I'll be
back.  Or if I'll be back.  I'll be quiet if I come in, I promise."

Justin grins.  "If you need the room, let me know."

"JC and Chris are sharing," Lance says.  He hugs Justin in his
exuberance and nearly dances out to meet Joey in the hallway.

Joey grins and hugs Lance.  "Hey!  Ready to go?"

Lance smiles up at him as he hugs him back.  "Always!"

In the elevator, Joey asks, "So, do you wanna go dancing, or eat,
or both?"

"Both maybe?" Lance suggests.  "I'm not hungry now, but if we go
dancing, I probably will be later."

"Sure thing."  Joey slings his arm over Lance's shoulders. 
"Thanks.  For coming with me, I mean.  Just feeling the need for
some male bonding."

"You're welcome," Lance says, smile losing none of its wattage. 
"Thank you for asking me."

"Who else?  You're my bestest bud!"

"I like that.  Being your best friend."

The place Joey's heading for dancing is -- alternative?  He and
Lance will be able to dance without making a scene.  Actually,
without anyone noticing.  "I like it, too."

Lance is so happy he's buzzing with it.  Dancing won't be any
problem at all tonight.

Joey pays the cover for both of them.  "Beer?" he yells to Lance. 
The club is pounding with music.  Joey can feel it in his bones.

"Okay!" Lance yells back.  He doesn't really like beer, but
he likes being one of the guys, especially with Joey.

Joey gets two beers and gives one to Lance.  His own tankard gets
drained immediately, as does the second one.

"You got that for you!" Lance accuses him.

Joey grins and gets two more, this time letting Lance keep his.  "I
was thirsty!"

Lance grins at him and sips his beer so it's obvious he's drinking
it.  He'd be deeply embarrassed if Joey thought he didn't like it
and got him a soda instead.

Joey smiles back and drags Lance onto the edge of the dance floor. 
They can dance and drink at the same time.

There's lots of people around them, dancing near them and almost
with them and sometimes actually with them.  Lots of women -- and
some men -- appreciate Joey as much as Lance does.  But Joey
doesn't wander away and that lets Lance pretend Joey really came
here to be with him.

It takes three songs to finish their beers.  And then Joey gets
them more drinks -- but not beer.  It's kinda clear that Lance
doesn't like it.  "Here!  I don't know what it is, but it tastes
good and it's not beer!" he yells, handing one to Lance.

Lance flushes.  Thankfully, it's hard to tell he is because it's so
hot in there that he's got an excuse to be red and sweaty.  He
drinks it anyway, and tastes alcohol.  It's a lot better than beer,
but it's not soda either.  "I like it!" he shouts.  "Thanks!"

Joey grins and drinks some of his.  Then he kisses Lance lightly in
an abundance of dance-inspired joy.  "Come dance with me!"

Lance grins and follows him.  Happy, so happy.

Joey's hand just fits on Lance's waist.  So he puts it
there.  And dances.  With Lance.  Pretty, sweet Lance, who
always makes Joey feel special.

Joey's just barely touching him and Lance is already more turned on
than all of Justin's kissing makes him.  It's not a crush.  It's
not like he's never had sex with Joey.  It's just that, in Lance's
opinion, he doesn't get to do it often enough.

Three drinks later, Joey spins Lance away from him and starts
grinding against the younger man's ass.  "So hot, baby."  Lance's
body knows how to dance, even when his head gets confused.  Joey
grins against Lance's sweaty hair.  "You hungry yet?"

Greatly daring, Lance reaches behind and pulls at Joey's hips.  He
lets his head fall back.  "Yeah," he says.  "But not for food."

Joey grins, cupping his hand over Lance's stomach.  "Hmm.  Me too."

Lance dances with him.  It's more like writhing together and
doesn't resemble anything they do onstage.  He's good at this kind
of dancing.

Joey finally turns Lance back and kisses him.  And, God, it's
perfect.  Joey's heart throbs with loving Lance.  And he does, has
for a while now.  But Lance is always there.  Joey's not ready to
be an adult yet.  He's not ready to force Lance to be one.  "Get
dinner, baby?"

Lance sighs.  It's inaudible in the noisy club.  "Yeah," he says,
loud enough for Joey to hear him.  "Let's do that."

Joey kisses Lance again.  Then he leads the way out of the club and
into a nearby restaurant.  "Eat up.  And then we'll go back -- and
maybe see about some of those other hungers?"

Lance's smile comes back, but it's lost a lot of its shine. 
"Okay."

Joey holds Lance's hand under the table.  "You're beautiful."

Lance ducks his head, shaking it.  "I'm not.  I look freakish."  He
does, too; he sees himself a lot more in mirrors than he used to
and he just looks plain weird.

"You're hot," Joey insists, squeezing Lance's hand.  "To me."

Lance squeezes Joey's hand in return.  "You're hotter than hot."

"Yeah, but that's just 'cause I've been dancing."  Joey smirks. 
Their food arrives, then.  Joey spends the whole meal trying to
keep from telling Lance he loves him.

Lance eats slowly, chewing his food like he's supposed to and
watching Joey.  Joey-watching is a favorite pastime of his,
especially like now, when they're seated across from each other in
a booth and it's practically required.

Joey's staring at Lance.  Just staring, and imagining having the
right to be this close to him all the time.

Lance finishes, blushing the whole while because Joey's done eating
long before he is and Joey spends the whole time looking at him. 
He wipes his mouth.  "Ready to go?"

"If you are," Joey replies, staring.  "Would you -- like to stay
with me, please?"

"Yes!" Lance says.  It comes out way too emphatic and he
looks down.

"Oh, good," Joey says, voice incredibly happy and enthusiastic. 
"Um.  Yeah.  Let's go."  He throws some marks on the table and
grabs Lance's hand, practically pulling him out of the building.

Lance is laughing as Joey pulls him away.  Obviously Joey wants him
with him.  "You're making me run to keep up with you!" he calls.

Joey looks around, then presses Lance back into a doorway and
kisses him again.  "Jesus."

Lance moans happily in his throat and kisses back.  He's got his
hands on Joey's sides, trying to pull him in closer.

Joey's thigh presses up between Lance's.  And Lance is hard.  Joey
moans back.  "Okay, right now.  Right now!"  He grins and
starts walking again, firmly holding Lance against his side.

"Yeah," Lance says, smiling.  Justin can't even imagine this, he
doesn't think.  He feels sorry, a little, for Justin.

Joey laughs.

"Love you," Lance says, very quietly so Joey can pretend not to
hear it if he wants.  He's said it a couple of times now and Joey
never acknowledges it.  Not positively or negatively.  Just not at
all.  So Lance doesn't know what to think.

Joey stops, turning to face Lance.  He cups Lance's face and kisses
him.  This time it's about love, not sex.  He hugs Lance close
after.  "I know."

Lance looks at him, stunned, then smiles brilliantly at him. 
"Thank you."  There're no other words.

Joey kisses Lance again.  "Come with me.  I'm going to keep you up
all night."

"With you is exactly where I want to be."

Joey moans happily.  "Now."

Once they're at the hotel, and Lance is spread under him, Joey
knows what to say.  "I love you, Lance.  Love you so much."  And
Joey realizes -- he's not homesick any more.

****

Chris is sharing with JC again.

It's simple self-preservation really.  He can get the single
whenever he wants it -- he's the oldest and that's that.  And he's
a loner, so he likes it that way.  If he has to be the head of this
dysfunctional family, then he deserves some privacy once in a
while.  Especially since he's never sure who might end up wanting
to crawl in with him.

Lance does sometimes, off and on.  Everybody knows, except maybe
Justin, that Lance is in love with Joey.  And everybody knows,
again except maybe Justin, that Joey has a thing for Lance.  But
their things aren't compatible, and so sometimes Lance comes to
Chris and Chris loves him as best he can.  He likes Lance a lot.

And other times, it's JC.  Wonderful, flexible JC who doesn't
really need anything from Chris, but likes to sleep curled
around him and have sex because he's a functioning healthy male.

Joey doesn't usually end up coming in -- with them, it's tumbling
into bed after a drunken night out or after romping late at night
after the babies are already tucked away.

So he gets the single a lot and still doesn't sleep alone.  And
that's all right with him.

Except recently.

He shouldn't be scared of Justin, but he kinda is.  Justin's never
quite given up on Chris despite the kissing thing he's got going
with Lance, and a couple of times trapped alone in a room with
Justin have taught Chris that the best way to escape him is to
already have someone else entwined around him.  JC, by preference,
so as to keep the options open for Joey and Lance and because JC
mostly prefers sleep over having sex.

Justin knocks on Chris' door really quietly.

JC's already asleep.  It's late enough that it's probably not
Justin.  Chris gets carefully out of bed so as not to disturb JC
and goes to the door.  He opens it.  "Justin," he says a little
dismayed and trying not to show it.  "Everything all right?"

"I just wondered if you were awake.  Lance isn't home yet.  I
thought... maybe you'd know if they're back?"  Justin shrugs. 
"You're, um.  Not alone."  Chris always invites Justin in if he is. 
"I'll go."

Chris sighs and closes the door behind him.  "You scared of the
dark?  And no, I don't know if they're back yet.  I'm sharing with
C."

"Oh.  Yeah, okay.  No, I'm not scared of the dark."  Justin regrets
his hasty plan now.  He should have known Chris wouldn't be alone. 
Why would a guy like Chris be alone?  Justin's vague thoughts of
good night kisses evaporate in the stark light of the dingy hall.

"C'mon," Chris says chivvying him along.  "Let's get you back in
bed.  Long day tomorrow, like every other day.  I'll check under
your bed for monsters."

"No!"  Justin stops Chris with a hand on his chest.  "I'm not a
freaking kid.  I'm sorry I bothered you.  Go back to C."

"You're sixteen, J.  You're a kid.  Maybe not as much of a kid as
you got a right to be, but you're a kid.  You don't have to try to
act older than your age.  And C's asleep already anyway."

Justin shakes his head.  "I just wanted to be around you, okay? 
And now I have been."

"You lonely then?" Chris assesses him.  Justin's hugging himself.

"Not so much lonely as I missed you," Justin admits.  "I...  Never
mind.  It's just you, okay?  It's that thing you don't wanna talk
about."

"Oh.  Yeah.  Sorry.  Still haven't changed my mind about that.  But
I'd be a whole lot happier if you go back to your room."

"I'm going."  Justin turns away and goes down the hall toward his
room.  The carpet is dirty.  He wonders why he didn't notice
before.  Usually, Justin can't stand dirt.  He just wants a good
night kiss.  Maybe he'll kiss his pillow.

Chris follows him.  Justin's shoulders are slumped and he looks
defeated.  Chris feels bad, but he knows why he's doing what he's
doing and he knows it's the right thing.

Justin opens his door and realizes Chris is right there behind him. 
"Honestly, Chris.  It's okay.  I'm just going to go to sleep.  I
don't think Lance is coming home tonight.  Not if Joey's got their
room."

"Probably not," Chris agrees.  "Just wanted to make sure that you
made it to bed and not wandering the halls like a walking
invitation to sin."

"Yeah, right.  I'm irresistible," Justin says bitterly.  He smiles,
and it feels twisted.  "Sorry.  I'm just tired.  Go back to C.  You
know he hates waking up alone."

Chris nods.  "You are irresistible.  Or you will be.  Count on it,
baby.  And I'm not worried about C.  He can sleep through a lot
more than this."

Justin leans against the door jamb.  "You are."

"I'm what?"

"Irresistible."

Chris laughs.  "Not the way you're going to be."  Some part of his
brain that he obviously doesn't lock down tight enough adds, "What
do I have to do to get you to go to bed anyway?"

"Goodnight kiss?" Justin tries.

Chris studies him from darkly hooded eyes.  Finally, he nods. 
"Okay.  Get in bed and I'll tuck you in."

Justin resists the urge to roll his eyes.  He scrambles into bed,
pulling the blankets up as he lays back.  Chris is all haloed in
the faint light from the lamp.

Chris sits down on the edge of the bed.  He smoothes the blanket
out with his hand.  "Good night, Justin," he says quietly, and
leans forward and kisses him.

Justin kisses back.  He knows not to be completely unresponsive,
even though his heart is beating twice as fast as usual and his
head is spinning.  He opens his mouth a little, teasing at Chris'
lips and inviting Chris to tease back.

Justin's making it hard to keep the kiss simple.  Chris had meant
it to mollify him.  Give him a little taste of what he wanted,
enough to make him happy and keep Chris from feeling like he's
going over the line.  But Justin's mouth is greedy and welcoming,
and Chris is licking inside before he realizes what he's doing. 
When he remembers, he pulls back.

Justin keeps his eyes closed for just a moment longer.  Then he
opens them and sees Chris.  "Thank you," he breathes.  And, lifting
his hand to his lips, "Wow."

Chris doesn't apologize 'cause it'd just hurt the kid's feelings. 
"Go to sleep," he says, and gets up and locks the door behind him
as he goes back to his own room.

Justin sighs and turns onto his side, staring toward the door.  He
hopes he wasn't terrible.  Justin doesn't know what the kiss meant. 
But the one thing he's sure of is that he won't be kissing Lance
any more.

 Lance is good.  Very good.  But nothing could compare to the way
kissing Chris makes Justin feel.  It's just not fair to Lance to
subject him to Justin's bad kissing -- not when they don't have
that feeling between them.

****

Joey has to force himself not to touch Lance more than usual.  He
can't claim Lance as his, no matter how much he wants to.  It's
just not right.  Still -- Joey grins.

Lance is so happy it's a little frightening.  He gets homesick
worse than any of the others, and it's easier for him to feel
lonely and separate from everyone else than it is for them.  He
tries not to let it hurt, and tries even harder to not let it show
that it hurts by cultivating a distant, aloof, adult
personality.

That's part of the reason why he lets Joey seek him out instead of
going to him.  Lance loves Joey with all his heart, but he knows
what he looks like with him -- like an eager puppy jumping up on
him for attention.  Like a kid.  So he doesn't go.

But when Joey's there, with him -- all of the sunlight in the world
is shining down on him.

Joey sighs, rolling over onto Lance.  Slitted green eyes look back
at him.  Lance is too grown up for his own good, and Joey can't
help but kiss him.  "G'morning."

"Hi," Lance says breathlessly when Joey's done.  On technique
alone, JC is probably the best kisser of all of them, but Lance
prefers Joey.

Joey grins.  "Fuck, you're hot."

"I am not." Lance blushes.

Joey bites lightly at Lance's ear before answering.  "Yeah.  You
are."

Lance squirms under Joey.  "You're hotter."

Joey just laughs and thanks God for morning wood.

****

Justin looks up when Lance comes back to their room.  "I packed
your stuff.  Did you have a good time?" He grins, smirks actually.

"A really good time.  Thanks for packing for me.  You didn't have
to."

"Yeah, I did.  We have to leave soon." Justin manages not to ask
for all of thirty
seconds.  "Details!"

"We went out.  We danced.  Then we ate and came back here," Lance
says calmly, a little smile playing in his eyes and maybe a bit
around the edges of his mouth.

Justin bounces on his bed.  "Details!"

"I thought we had to leave soon," Lance teases.

"Not that soon.  Tell me.  And then I'll tell you," Justin says,
grinning.

"Ooh, there's details?" Lance sits down.  "I'm impressed.  And, um,
yeah, me and Joey.  We danced together at the club.  He stayed with
me and didn't go find anyone else and that was nice.  I
thought maybe he wanted to come back here with me, but then
he decided we should go eat and I thought he meant he didn't want
to do anything and he was doing what he usually does -- pretending
we're just friends." Lance's voice reflects none of the confusion
and hurt that this often-used ploy brings to him.

Justin pats Lance's shoulder.  "That sucks.  But then what
happened?"

Lance positively glows.  "He came back here.  With
me.  And we slept together.  And he told me he loves me."

Justin squeals and hugs Lance tightly.  "Yay!"

Lance grins as he's hugged.  "I don't know if things are gonna stay
this way, but right now... it's just perfect and that's enough."

Justin blushes.  "Is he way good?"

"Depends on what you mean," Lance says.  He's going to be red all
over if Justin really wants details.

Justin just looks confused.

"He's... he's Joey," Lance explains.  "It's like when you
were first asking me about kissing.  It's not just how you kiss,
it's what else you put into it.  JC's probably the best at
technique, but then there's what Joey puts into it, and that makes
him very good.  For me."

Justin looks at Lance, awed.  He's just -- yeah.  That's what
Justin wants with Chris.

"So," Lance says, before Justin can ask him for real details
and make him blush, "what happened to you last night?"

"Chris kissed me!" Justin bursts out.  "Like -- a real kiss.  And
I think I wasn't bad at it."

"He did?" Lance is startled.  "Wow.  He really does like you."

"Well.  It was a goodnight kiss, just to make me go to bed." Justin
picks at the bedspread.  "He was sleeping with JC.  But he did kiss
me." He juts out his chin.

"Yeah, but," Lance bites his lip and decides to tell Justin anyway
even though Justin probably doesn't need any encouragement.  "He
wouldn't do anything with JC until JC turned twenty-one. 
Even though JC's really good and really hot and pointed out that
he'd had sex lots of times and was completely legal and everything. 
And Joey had almost as hard a time as JC did."

"Yeah?" Justin asks, his heart beating faster with hope.

"Yeah."

"Do you think he maybe likes me?  I mean, not like friends.  But I
could get him to really like me?"

Lance nods.  "He likes you.  But..." he's not sure whether to say
the rest.

"Tell me," Justin insists.

"He loves all of us.  Really loves us.  He likes you, too, but he
already does love you."

"Oh.  Well.  That's a good thing, though.  I mean.  It's better
than nothing." Justin shrugs.  "Anyway.  I suppose we should go."

"No, I mean..." Lance stutters to a halt.  He's not sure how to
explain it.  "It's different.  He's being different with you."

Justin looks at Lance, really looks.  "You're in love with Joey. 
And I'm nearly in love with Chris.  And you might have caught Joey. 
If you haven't, you will eventually.  But I won't get Chris for a
year and a couple of months yet.  And then he'll probably still
think I'm too young, and he still won't really be attracted to me. 
I don't want to hope.  It'd hurt too much."

Lance nods.  "Okay.  That's... that's really realistic."
Impulsively, he hugs Justin.

Justin closes his eyes tight, and hugs back.  "Yeah.  Good luck,
though.  You and Joey are sweet."

"I hope so.  Otherwise..." Otherwise he'll be crawling into bed
with Chris and not telling him what's wrong and letting Chris hold
him close anyway.  But Justin doesn't want to hear that.

Justin kisses Lance's cheek.  "It's okay.  I don't mind."

"Chris... he's the best.  When you can't talk about something.  And
need someone.  You'd think JC, but it's not.  Chris just
understands stuff." Lance stumbles through the explanation.

"I know," Justin says.  "He's my best friend."

Lance nods.  "I'm sorry.  I just..." He sighs.  "I love him, too."

Justin nods.  "Everyone does.  Everyone he'll let."

Lance smiles, just a little one.  "Yeah.  I'm glad.  Really glad
that he let me."  He needs Chris, and he's going to be sad if
Justin wants to take him away from them.

"It's weird," Justin notes, zipping up his bag.  "But I'm not
jealous."

"It'd be okay.  If you were," Lance offers.  "It would make sense. 
More sense than the way things are."

Justin sighs.  "I don't know.  I just feel like I don't have any
right to try to take all Chris' love for myself.  And, besides, I'd
be taking all your love away from him."

"You think he needs us?" Lance asks.

"Yes, I do."

"That's good.  I wonder sometimes, you know?  Because nobody ever
really says and I don't want to remind everyone that I'm just a kid
--" Lance cuts himself off and blushes.  "I'm sorry."

Justin shrugs.  "It's okay.  I need you, you know.  I mean.  No one
else will even talk to me.  And I need to talk." He smiles and
shrugs again.  "I'm just a big girl, I guess."

"I try not to be," Lance says, "because, you know, everyone already
says I look like one."

"You so don't look like a girl," Justin insists.  "You're really
pretty for a guy, yeah, but it's not bad."

"Thanks."  Lance smiles and stands up, grabbing his bag.  "Time to
go."

"Yeah."  Justin grabs his bag and follows Lance.  It'll be good to
get back to their house, even if it does mean Chris rooming with
Lance.  Hot, older Lance.

****

In the van, Justin cops a seat next to Chris, on the excuse that
he's cold again.  And Chris cuddles him, which is way nice.  Nice
enough -- and warm enough -- that Justin dozes on Chris' shoulder.

Joey looks back and sees Justin asleep.  "So, what's up with the
kid?  He's all happy today," he asks Chris.

Lance ducks his head and smiles a little smile.

"He was wandering the halls last night.  I put him to bed."

"Oh, yeah?  Just put him to bed?" Joey asks casually.  "He's that
happy over being tucked in, huh?"  Then he laughs and hugs Lance. 
"Well, this one liked being tucked in.  Guess I don't have room to
talk, huh?"

Lance grins and lets Joey hug him.

Chris makes a face.  "So maybe I kissed him, too."

Lance already knows, so he's not surprised, and JC fell asleep even
before Justin had, so he's not awake to be surprised.

Joey raises his eyebrows.  "Maybe?"

"Okay, I definitely kissed him."

Joey grins.  "Way to go.  Did Lance teach him up good for ya?"

Chris scowls at Joey.  "I shouldn't have done it at all.  He's
sixteen."

"Sixteen is old enough to kiss," Joey points out.  "Hell, in most
boys' lives, sixteen is old enough to get to home, Chris."

"Not with me.  Not with him.  Hell, Joey, I'm twenty-six.  I'm
molesting him just by touching him."

"You so aren't," Joey says, trying not to laugh.  "Lighten up,
Chris.  He's got a thing for you.  Hell, I mean.  I don't blame
him, or anything.  But it's really, really hard when you can't even
be close to the one you care about.  Even Lance was kissing at
sixteen."

"He was kissing you, and you're not all that much older than
he is.  It's different."

"He kissed JC a couple times, too," Joey admits.

Lance hides his face against Joey.

"Joe.  I can't.  I just can't."

Joey kisses Lance's forehead.  "Fine.  But you don't have to feel
bad about having done it once and let Justin see that you care a
little."

"I don't care a little," Chris says.  It's God's honest truth.

"Bullshit," Joey responds good-naturedly.  You can't have a lot
without having a little, after all.

"I don't."  He looks at the top of Justin's head.  He cares a lot. 
Too much.  He wouldn't need such rigid rules if he weren't tempted.

Joey nuzzles Lance's hair.  "Just remember that they don't stay
young forever.  Eventually we give up on love."

"It's just until he's eighteen," Chris says.

"Yeah.  But does he know you're counting?  Lance says that Justin
says you told him you weren't attracted to him.  He believes
that, Chris."

"He knows.  C told him."

"Um," Lance says hesitantly.

"What is it, baby?" Joey asks.

"Justin knows, but I don't think he believes it.  He thinks
when he turns eighteen, you'll have sex with him once and that'll
be it because you aren't attracted to him.  I tried to
explain to him that it wouldn't be like that because you--" Lance
cuts himself off and hides his face against Joey again.  He's
getting into stuff that Lance knows is true, but Chris has never
admitted.

"Because I what?" Chris asks in a tense voice.

Lance doesn't move except to scrunch closer to Joey.  His voice is
muffled.  "Because you love all of us."

Joey nods, rubbing Lance's thigh.

Chris is quiet for a long time.  "Yeah," he says finally.  "I do."

"We know," Joey says gently.  "We love you back."

Lance doesn't say anything.  His love for Chris is a solid lump
inside of him, like having swallowed a rock.  He knows it's there,
can't possibly miss it, and sometimes he wishes he hadn't swallowed
it, but it's still there.

"Yeah, Joe.  I know."

Joey squeezes Lance.  "Only Justin's falling in love with
you."

Chris closes his eyes.  "That's not what's got me worried."

"What is?" Joey asks.

Lance turns and looks at him.  He feels like he always knew the
answer, but it really is all there in the sad smile on Chris' face
and the way he loves Lance when Lance needs it.  "You're in love
with him."

Chris opens his eyes to smile bleakly at Lance.  "Yeah.  I knew you
were the smart one."

Joey holds onto Lance.  "Chris... let him love you back, man.  He's
a good person.  He'll be good for you, and you'll be great for
anyone."

"That's not the problem."  Chris scrubs his free hand through his
hair over and over, tangling it beyond recognition.  "You make it
sound so easy, like it's just being in love or whatever.  It's not. 
He doesn't see a difference between having sex with someone
and loving them, and I already hate myself enough for even
thinking about having sex with him.  I can't."

Lance nods.  The reason Chris understands other people's pain so
well is that he has his own pain.

Joey shakes his head.  "No, see, I think that he does know
the difference.  I've talked to him, really.  I think he's just
focused on the sex because that's all he thinks he can have from
you."

"He doesn't know the difference.  I talked to him.  He didn't know
what I was talking about."

"He thinks he has to be good at sex to keep Chris," Lance says.

Joey nods.  "I kinda got that vibe, too."

"See?" Chris says.  "They're one and the same in his head."

"They're not," JC insists sleepily.  "He's just convinced that he
can't have love.  So he'll give you all the sex he can, and pretend
you love him back."

"He's stupid then.  But that's only half of it.  Maybe he can have
a hearts and flowers romance with pure chaste love."  Chris looks
dark.  "I know I can't."

"Wait, so what's the deal here?" Joey asks.  "Justin's willing to
give you both sex and love right now.  But you won't give him sex,
and you told him you weren't attracted to him, ruling out love. 
What's the deal?"

"I was trying to rule out sex, dumbass.  Entirely.  And I'm
ruling out love, you moron, so I don't just throw him on the bed
and fuck him anyway!"

"Dude.  That didn't make any sense.  If you love him, you wouldn't
fuck him.  What, he's not worth waiting for?"

"He's waiting for you," JC says.  Half-asleep, he doesn't remember
that he's not supposed to tell anyone.

"Just shut up, Joey," Chris says, eyes blazing.  "I'm not going to
fuck him.  I won't do that.  I love him too much for that.  Don't
even suggest that I don't.  But I can't spend an
other year and something with him hanging off me and loving me and
wanting me and not act on it.  I don't fucking care if you think
that means I'm a terrible person.  It just is, and if you don't
like it, you can fuck off."

Lance makes a low, hurt noise in the back of his throat.  He wants
to touch Chris and tell him it's all right and that he understands,
but he's with Joey and he's supposed to be on Joey's side, he
thinks.

Joey sighs, waving his hand in the air.  "Fine.  I was just saying. 
There are some misunderstandings there.  And that I know you'd
never fuck him.  You never fucked us.  But you'll make love to
Justin, when he's really ready."  He rubs Lance's thigh again. 
"It's okay, Lance," he whispers.

"When he's eighteen," Chris swears.  "And not a second before."

"Yeah," JC mumbles.  "Yeah.  It was nice of you to kiss him,
though.  Made him feel like he was special..."  His voice trails
off as he falls asleep again.

Chris closes his eyes again.  He hurts.

Lance turns around in his seat and leans over the back of it.  He
can't quite touch Chris and he really wants to.  "It'll get better,
Chris.  It will."

Chris opens his eyes.  Lance.  Still almost painfully shy. 
Diffident and afraid of being rejected.  Chris understands him all
too well.  He touches the hand reaching out for him and squeezes
it.  "Thanks."

Lance smiles at him and then sits back down.

Joey reaches back and pats Chris' knee.  "It will work out."  The
whole thing makes him think, though.  About Lance, and how long
Joey's going to make him wait for what he wants.  Besides.  The
groupies aren't that great.  Lance is.

Chris doesn't say anything, just breathes in Justin and waits.

****

Justin's seventeenth birthday, coming so soon after Joey's,
involves alcohol.  They're finally home, and Justin's mom has to go
back to Tennessee to do something.  Justin wasn't really listening. 
All he cares about is having the house, so the guys can stay over. 
And, of course, his brand new, candy red Mercedes Benz, which he's
going to drive everywhere for the rest of his life.  And, also,
he's going to fantasize about having sex with Chris in the back. 
It's only right.  The party starts with lunch, and after pizza for
dinner -- which Justin and Lance picked up -- they all lounge
around Justin's bedroom.  "Lance kisses good," Justin notes when
Chris goes to the bathroom.  "But he says y'all kiss better.  It's
my birthday.  I think you should teach me to kiss better now."

Lance spreads his hands.  "I don't know.  Joey?"

"What?" Joey looks blearily over at Lance.  Lance, who's always so
shiny.  He crawls under the bed to get to Lance.  "What?"

Lance laughs as Joey tries to go under the bed and fails.  He's
still mostly sober because he hasn't been drinking very much.  The
beer doesn't appeal to him and someone -- Chris or Joey mostly --
have been taking the other stuff out of his hands and drinking it
for him.  "Justin wants you to kiss him."

Justin nods.  He's not very sober, but not very drunk
either.  "So I can get better."

Joey frowns.  "But you kiss Lance.  'Cause Lance is young, like
you, and Chris won't rip Lance's balls off for it."

JC giggles.  "Dude.  Chris'd kill us."

"But it's my birthday!" Justin insists.  "It has to be all
right today.  It's my birthday!"

Lance doesn't know who he agrees with here, but he does feel like
Justin's outnumbered.  "Just kissing.  Right, Justin?  Just
kissing?"

"Yeah, just kissing.  Like, so I can learn.  How else am I
supposed to learn?" His face falls.  "Oh.  You all think I'm all
skanky, right? Like Chris said, to go out and fuck the girls that
like us." Justin looks down at his hands.  "I'm not, though."

Lance reaches out tentatively to Justin.

Justin nearly falls off the bed, reaching back to Lance.  He blinks
fast.  "Wow, you're hot.  When did you get so hot?"

Lance ducks his head.  "It's Florida.  It's always hot in Florida."

Justin grins.  "Okay." It's a true answer, but not what he meant. 
"I'm not slutty, though.  So I can only learn from y'all."

Joey thinks about that.  "JC? What d'you think?"

"Well.  It's his birthday.  But Chris'll be mad.  Maybe we should
just tell Lance what to do? He takes good directions," JC says.

"Joey, you kissed me when I was seventeen," Lance says.

"Yeah, but that's different."

Lance bites his lip.  He really wants to help Justin, but he
doesn't want to fight with Joey.  "How?"

"You wanted me!"  Joey doesn't even try to keep the joy and
wonder from his voice.

Lance can't help but smile back at him.  "Still do."

"See?  Different."

"Yeah, but I want Chris and he won't kiss me.  I have to be so good
for him.  Y'all should teach me."

"Justin, kid, Chris won't care if you're good or bad. 
He just likes you," JC insists.

Justin looks like he's gonna cry.

Chris coughs.  He's been standing outside the door for a few
seconds.  He'd caught the conversation partway through and he had
hoped they'd change the subject.  They haven't yet, and Justin's
wandering into dangerous territory.

Lance freezes.

Justin looks toward the door, and sees Chris half-hidden there. 
"Chris!  Tell them to teach me to kiss."  The inherent illogical
nature of the demand doesn't register on his tipsy mind.

Chris walks over to him and tips Justin's head back.  Justin's eyes
shine.  "Kiddo, you're plastered."

"I'm not.  Not that much.  Just a little tipsy.  I've been drunker
than this," Justin insists.

"That's not something to be proud of."  Chris lets his hand fall to
Justin's shoulder.  "Don't the rest of you jokers have somewhere
else you can be right now?"

Lance takes the hint immediately and, squeezing Justin's hand, lets
go and helps Joey up.

Justin watches JC, Joey and Lance leave.  And knows that he's
probably lost.  He sighs and flops back onto the bed.  "It's not
that I'm proud of it," he notes.  "Just that I recognize it.  Don't
be mad at them.  It's my fault."

Chris sits down next to him in Lance's vacated spot.  "What aren't
you proud of?  And what's your fault?"

"I'm not proud of having been drunker than this, like you said. 
And it's my fault we were talking about you -- sort of -- behind
your back."

"I'm glad you're not proud.  I think it's stupid telling you that
you can't have any alcohol at all, but I don't want you to turn
into some teenage lush either.  And I don't care that you were
talking about me behind my back."

"Oh.  Well, then, I'm not sorry.  I'm just sorry that I couldn't
convince them to teach me.  Or, like, if that hurt you, that I
asked.  Then I'm sorry about that."  Justin sighs.  Sometimes Chris
is so complicated.

"Nah.  Wasn't that.  I... you're wrong, y'know.  About me.  I don't
care if you're good or if you're terrible.  Maybe if you drool or
draw blood or something, but other than that, I don't care.  You
don't have to worry about it.  If you were old enough, I'd be all
over you."

"I don't worry.  It's what I want.  I want to be as good as
I know you'll be to me."  Justin's eyes are closed, red-hued
shadows dancing on them.

Chris doesn't have anything to say to that.  He shrugs.  "Just
thought I'd explain stuff.  In case you were thinking it's you
that's the problem.  You're not."

"I am, though," Justin says, opening his eyes.  "I know that you
love us all, and maybe you love me like I love you.  But you said
you weren't attracted to me.  I just want to be better."

"Hell.  I said that because you were coming onto me.  And because
I can't be attracted to you."

"Why not?  Just cause the idea freaks you out?"

"The idea doesn't freak me out.  It's what I might do about it."

"Why would that be so bad?  I know you don't want to do everything
until I'm eighteen.  I'd stop us."  Justin blinks up at Chris.  "I
would."

"You don't get it.  Just wanting to do what I'm thinking
about is bad.  And, hell.  I don't want to be pushing you into it. 
I already am.  I can tell.  You're fixated on me.  You think I
don't want you kissing the other guys?  I'd throw you at them if I
could.  Anything so I'm not the one doing this to you."

Justin frowns.  "Thoughts are not good or bad.  They just are.  And
I'm not fixating on you.  You make it sound nasty, and it's not. 
I just love you.  You're my best friend, and you're good to me, and
you make my stomach flip and my mind be quiet."

Chris sighs and takes Justin's hand, staring at it as he rubs it
with this thumb.  "Same back atcha, kiddo."

"So?  A year left."  Justin smiles up at Chris.  "I've got no
problem waiting."

"Thanks.  You don't have to, y'know.  If you don't want anyone
outside the group, there's still Lance.  He's close enough to you
in age, I don't need to beat his face in for macking on you.  And. 
This whole you waiting on me thing -- I feel like a pedophile
pervert who's been luring you to him for years now."

Justin sighs.  "Chris, you haven't been luring me for years, you
freak.  Besides -- Lance has Joey, and even if he didn't, we don't
have any chemistry.  It'd be icky."

Chris sighs.  "So you are fixated on me."

"Chris, dude.  I love you, get it?  Of course I'm fixated on
you.  It's not to say that I couldn't go out and fuck
someone.  But first, that icky and skanky.  Second, I don't want to
have sex with someone I don't know.  Third, Joey and JC wouldn't
have sex with me until after you, anyway.  Fourth, I repeat, Lance
and I just don't have chemistry."

"S'fine."  Chris smiles at him and lets go of his hand. 
Serious-Chris is replaced as he stands, the smile shifting into
something more manic.  "Think Joey and Lance moved into my room? 
Ew!  I think that deserves some sort of vengeance.  Whaddaya think? 
Wanna help?"

Justin looks up at Chris.  "I'm not getting birthday kisses, am I?"
he asks ruefully.

Chris' smile breaks.  It cracks and runs off him in pieces.  It's
replaced by a hopeless look.  "I love you, J.  I'd do anything for
you."  He steps forward and kisses Justin, raises Justin's face
with his hands.  His lips move slowly over Justin's, tasting him
and memorizing him.  When his tongue parts Justin's lips, it's slow
and unhurried.  He's tasting now and memorizing that just as
thoroughly.

Justin brushes his tongue against Chris' twice, and then draws
back.  His hands are on Chris' now.  "Thank you."  He stands up and
hugs Chris tightly, lifting him off the ground for an instant. 
"Love you."

"Love you, too," Chris whispers and darts out.

Justin sighs.  He goes to find the others.  He broke Chris. 
Someone has to fix him.

Chris ducks his head in Joey's door.  Joey's there, but he's
asleep.  He goes to the room he shares with Lance.  Jackpot.

Lance looks up.  "Chris..." he starts, but he doesn't get any
further.

Chris cannonballs into him, knocks him down flat on the bed and
breathes into his neck.

Lance oofs as his breath goes out of him and raises his arms to
hold Chris.  "What's wrong?"

Chris counters with "Why aren't you with Joey?"

"He fell asleep.  There wasn't enough room, and -- well."

Chris nods into Lance's neck.  He understands.  He needs Lance
sometimes the same way Lance needs him.  Because both of them get
it.  He sighs and relaxes.

Lance doesn't say anything.  If Chris doesn't want to talk, he
doesn't have to talk.  Lance can just be here for him.  He's good
at that.

Justin pauses in the act of knocking on Chris and Lance's door. 
It's partially open, and he can see Chris on top of Lance.  And
that's enough.  Lance will take care of Chris, and Justin doesn't
have any right to feel hurt.  He pulls the door closed quietly and
goes back to his bed.

****

In the morning, Lance wakes first, displacing a grumbling Chris. 
Chris still grabs him and kisses him though, but it's on the cheek. 
Lance pets him and gets up anyway.

Joey's still sleeping it off when he checks his room.  Lance heads
downstairs for something to eat.  He doesn't feel like starting
clean-up just yet.

No one comes downstairs to join him, not even after the eggs and
sausage are made.  It feels lonely sitting at the kitchen table
with no noise around.

After he's done eating, he washes the dishes and ghosts around the
house.  JC's sleeping, but that's normal.  Justin's sleeping, too
and there's dried tears on his face.  Lance feels sorry for him. 
Whatever had Chris so upset, upset Justin, too.  But he doesn't
know how to fix stuff.

So he gets a garbage bag and starts quietly throwing things away
and stacking dishes to take downstairs to wash.

Justin sighs himself awake when he hears Lance clanking very
quietly in his room.  "I'm awake.  I'll help."  He stumbles to his
feet, rubs his eyes, and starts gathering garbage.  He tries to get
it all in one load, because he's just barely functional.  He'll
have to eat cereal before coming back upstairs.

"You don't have to," Lance says quietly.  "I just... I didn't have
anything else to do."

Justin just grunts a reply.  By now they all know he's not really
vocal in the mornings.

"Go eat or something.  I'll finish up in here."  Lance shoos him
out.

Justin drags his trash bag with him and disposes of it before
pouring himself a bowl of cereal.

Lance clears Justin's room and lugs the trash bag down, then gets
the glasses and plates and bowls and takes them downstairs for
washing.  The room could also use a vacuuming, but someone else can
do that part.

Justin looks up blankly when Lance comes back into the kitchen. 
"Sleep well?" he asks.  He even manages to keep all the bitterness
out of it, he thinks.

Lance recoils a little.  "Yes, I did," he says.  "I'm more used to
sleeping with someone than sleeping alone."

Justin rubs a hand through his curls.  "Sorry.  I didn't mean that. 
I'm really glad that you could be there for him."  He offers his
hand.  "Still friends?"

Lance takes his hand and shakes it.  "Yeah.  I... he seemed upset. 
He didn't tell me anything.  Just let me hold him and then went to
sleep.  That's mostly what we do together, y'know.  Only it's
usually me who goes to him."  And not so much now that Joey loves
him back, but Justin knows that.

"He kissed me," Justin mumbles.

"That's good, right?"

"Except for the part where it made him feel bad, yeah," Justin
says.  He feels years older than seventeen.  "I didn't know that me
loving him would hurt him so much."

Lance gives him a small, knowing smile.  It's not sad because he
finally got what he'd been wanting.  "It hurts.  Loving people."

"I mean, I try not to fuck with him.  I don't hang on him any more
than I did before.  I don't tell him I love him a million times a
day -- you know, every time I think it.  I don't stare at him, when
I can help it.  I don't buy him presents or make it obvious that we
always have what he likes to eat.  I'm being really good. 
And I just keep hurting him.  I didn't even ask him to kiss me last
night.  Just you guys, and then I was joking, only he kissed me. 
I'm not pushing him.  I'm being good.  And I'm sorry I can't just
shut off what I feel.  I can't stop 'fixating'," he throws in the
finger quotes, "on him.  Because, hello, I love him!  I'm supposed
to fixate on him!  It's normal.  I just want to stop hurting him. 
Do you think he'd feel better if I pretended not to love him?"
Justin asks bleakly.

Lance shakes his head.  "I don't think so.  I... I don't know much
about what he's thinking 'cause he didn't tell me.  But, if you
didn't matter to him, he would have had sex with me last night.  I
think.  But he was just looking for comfort."

"How do I stop hurting him, though?" Justin asks helplessly.  "I
don't want to hurt him."

"I don't know."  Lance feels helpless.  "Maybe..."

Justin looks eager.

"Maybe he has to hurt.  Maybe it's better.  Because if he didn't,
then he wouldn't care."  Lance shrugs, looking down.  "I know it
sounds stupid, but I hurt because of Joey.  And him pretending
wouldn't have made me feel better.  I would've just felt worse."

Justin sighs.  "You're smart, Scoop."

"Not really," Lance says, but he glows with the praise.

Justin smiles back.  "Yeah, you are."

Emboldened by Justin's words, Lance steps forward and hugs him
tight, then steps back.

Justin smiles and tilts his head to the side.  "Wanna take a nap?"

Lance's breath catches and he nods.  Sometimes Justin just seems to
tolerate him.  Like with the kissing lessons.  If Lance is useful,
then Justin will seek him out.  But lately, it seems that Justin
may like him, too, as a real friend, and he wants that.

Justin holds Lance's hand on the way up the stairs.  He pauses
outside the door to Lance and Chris' room.  "Um.  My bed?"

"Mine's full," Lance says, but doesn't say no.  They can take
Chris'.  Lance isn't sure he wants to be used to prove a point, but
he'll do it if Justin wants.

Justin tugs Lance on to his room and climbs onto the messy bed.  He
and Lance have slept together before, both for warmth and for
friendship.  Justin opens his arms and waits for Lance to settle
down.  "This okay?" he asks, when Lance's head is tucked against
his shoulder.

Lance just nods.

****

Joey thinks they're just a little hot.  Just a little hot, like,
you know, the Baywatch chicks.

Lance is all curled up, and Justin's hair is messy.  Both of them
have that rosy-cheeked little boy thing going for them.  And both
of them can be sex on legs when they want to.  Joey just stands in
the doorway and stares at them.  "Jesus," he mutters.

"You rang?" Chris says brightly.

Joey starts just a little.  "Holy... Chris.  I was looking at
them."  He gestures into the room.

"Holy Chris.  I like the sound of that."  Chris peers around Joey. 
His mouth turns up as he looks at Justin and Lance together.  He
thinks they could be good for each other.  He isn't gonna let
himself feel anything else.  "Close the door, Joe.  Let them get
some sleep."

Joey shakes his head.  "Fucking hot," he says.

Chris tugs him back and shuts the door quietly.  When it's closed,
he turns around.  "Not 'til he's eighteen."

"I know.  Lance doesn't want him, though."  Joey shrugs.  "It's not
there for them.  But, damn, they're a pretty picture."  He grins.

"Lance doesn't like Justin?"

"Not really.  I mean, he's not really gung-ho about getting sexy
with him.  From what I get, Justin's not all worked up about it
either."  Joey slings his arm over Chris' shoulder.  "You keep
Lance warm last night?"

"Yeah.  Some stuff went down after you guys left.  With J.  Seemed
like a good idea at the time."

Joey hugs Chris closer.  "You okay, man?"

"I'm fine.  Think maybe the kid's upset though."

"Why d'you say that?"

"Had to turn him down again."  Chris shrugs.  "I don't wanna talk
about it."

"Ah.  He doesn't seem upset," Joey notes.  "He'll live, Chris.  He
really wants to wait for you.  He's kinda smart about it,
actually."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah.  Lance was smart, too.  They know their targets, these boys
today.  Lance knew I could never resist kissing him if he stayed
near me all the time.  Justin knows if he hangs off you, he'll hurt
you."  Joey nods and leads Chris down the stairs.  "Smart boys."

"Not so smart if he's after me," Chris says, and leaps on
Joey's back.

Joey totes Chris into the kitchen and starts making scrambled eggs. 
"Why not?  We were all after you.  Justin just might be the only
one who manages to keep you."

Chris slithers off of Joey's back and hops up on the counter
instead.  "Keep me?  What am I, some kind of exotic pet?"

"No.  You're a guy.  A really fucking good guy.  And a hell of a
lot of fun, too.  D'you want cheese in yours?"

"Yes, please.  Lots of cheese."

Joey grates cheese onto the eggs.  "Sure thing."

Chris clears his throat.  "Um... did you -- any of you --
want to keep me?  I haven't figured out yet what's up with
the see-who-can-fuck-Chris-youngest contest."

Joey sighs.  "We all wanted to keep you.  Or at least we all
crushed and crushed hard on you.  I mean -- why not?  You're really
a nice person to your friends.  Jesus.  So considerate and all. 
But -- you're not in love with us.  And that's fine.  Because I've
got Lance and JC's -- well, JC.  And we've still got you."

"Oh."  Chris is quiet and still for a long moment.

Joey flips the eggs and pats Chris' knee, giving the other man time
to think.

"I dunno.  I'm attached to all of you.  Really attached.  But
you're talking like you and Lance are a couple and you expect me
and J to be a couple and Jayce to be all alone."

"Sort of, except that I also expect us to continue to crawl into
whatever bed we feel like.  Look, Chris.  I'm in love with Lance. 
But that doesn't mean that I don't need you and C.  And Lance needs
you and C.  And you need us, I hope."  Joey dishes up two plates. 
"Not conventional, but hell.  We're guys, it'll work."

Chris nods after a minute and takes the plate when Joey hands it to
him.  "Yeah, okay, that's better.  Because breaking off into
sub-groups -- that'd be the weird part for me.  I like what we
have."

"However.  I get to kiss Lance more than you.  It's only fair." 
Joey smirks.

Chris smirks right back at him.  "And I get him when you pass out
dead-drunk.  He's very snuggly, isn't he?"

"Oh, yeah.  He's very, very.  Very snuggly.  And flexy."

"Flexy, huh?  Thought Jayce was the bendy one."

"He is.  Lance is young, though.  He's still got that amazed thing
going on when his knees are up by his ears."  Joey eats his
breakfast.

"I kinda like it when he fucks me," Chris admits, getting a fork
out and coming to sit at the table.  "Because he makes the best
noises and he gets that cute little surprised look."

Joey laughs.

JC stumbles into the room.  "What's funny?"

Chris snorts eggs.

"Lance, dude.  His sexy sounds are cute."

JC frowns.  "But they're sexy.  Not funny."  He stumbles to
the table and collapses.  "Where're the babies?"

"Sleeping together," Chris forces out.  He's sniffling and blowing,
trying to restore normal nasal function.

JC's eyes widen.  "Like -- sleeping together?  I didn't think they
were that drunk!"

Chris gives him a weird look.

JC looks back, waiting for someone to answer his question.

"Why would someone have to be drunk to want sleep with either of
them?" Chris asks.

"No, for them to sleep with each other.  They don't want each
other," JC says.

"Again, not seeing the problem here.  Unless, of course, you
thought they were naked or something?"  Chris holds a
straight face.

"Oh!  Oh, they're sleeping.  I asked!"  JC smacks Chris'
arm.

Chris snickers.

Joey just grins and tries not to spit eggs across the table.

"You're an ass," JC says calmly.

"You mean, I have a fine ass."

"No.  No, I don't."  JC gets himself a bagel and starts pulling it
apart.

Chris crooks an eyebrow at Joey.  "What you were saying before?  I
don't think JC needs me."

"What for?" JC asks.

"For him.  Like, just 'cause he's Chris."

"Well, yeah.  But not when he's mean to me."  JC pouts comically.

"But being mean is my thing!  I'm supposed to be funny and
sarcastic and stuff!"

"Not when I just woke up!"

"Oh, so now you're claiming there are rules.  Hah!  We don't
need no stinkin' rules!"

JC aloofly eats his bagel.

Joey stays the hell out of it.

Chris pouts for a half-second, then finishes eating.  He's mostly
immune to dark looks.  They hardly faze him anymore.  Justin's
appearance in the kitchen, though...  No shirt, yawning and
stretching...  Chris hastily excuses himself.  "Bathroom.  Urgent. 
Move it."

Justin steps aside and looks after Chris.  "That was weird."

"Chris is weird," Lance says, following Justin in and grabbing a
pitcher from the fridge to pour himself a glass of orange juice.

Justin nods and hugs JC around the shoulders.  "Hot though.  Very
hot."

JC grins.  "Yep."

"Nice ass," Lance says and blushes.

Justin laughs.

Joey grabs Lance and pulls him down.  "You sit here," he declares
when Lance is solidly in his lap.

Lance settles in.  He smiles like a big, contented cat.  "Okay."

Justin laughs again and takes the pitcher.  "Dorks."

Lance smiles, comfortable.  He doesn't care if he's a dork.  It
doesn't matter when Joey's got him.

Chris ducks his head back in.  "Is it safe?"

Justin shrugs.  "Are you afraid of orange juice and cuteness?"

"Cuteness, no."  Justin's naked abs, yes.  But he can't say
that, and so Chris ambles in and pretends there's nothing
out-of-the-ordinary going on.

Justin doesn't get it.  When Chris isn't looking, he mouths,
'What?' at the others.

JC just looks confused.

Joey smiles a little.  He gestures at Justin's nakedness.

Justin looks confused.  "What?" he whispers, looking at Lance this
time.

Lance rolls his eyes.  He glances significantly at Justin's
stomach, making a low, slow examination of his torso, waist to
neck.

Justin blushes brilliantly and crosses his arms.  "Oh."  He starts
edging toward the door.

Chris' eyeroll is larger than Lance's.  "Just eat.  If some
people," and he looks significantly at JC, "can't handle the
sight of a little exposed flesh, they'll just have to be dealt
with."  He heads toward JC -- who's both innocent and clueless of
the fate awaiting him, humming bad stripper music and starting to
take off his shirt.

Lance bites his tongue.

Justin stops and watches.  He doesn't want to inconvenience Chris,
but a free show is something else.

Chris does a little bump and grind against JC, and around his
chair.

JC blinks rapidly and watches Chris' groin, hypnotized.

Joey whispers in Lance's ear, "Dude.  Look at JC.  Totally gone."

Lance swallows and nods.  "Uh-huh."

Chris flirts with lifting the hem of his shirt, finally taking it
off and running it over JC.  When he still gets no reaction,
he tosses it at Lance.

Lance lets the shirt hit him in the face and giggles.

JC sets the bagel down and leans forward slowly, then suddenly
blows a raspberry on Chris' stomach.

Justin rolls his eyes and goes to shower.  This is either going to
be stupid or sex, and he doesn't want to see or interfere with
either.

Chris snorts and moves away, huffily.  "You don't appreciate my
manliness."

Joey hugs Lance.  "Dude.  J's gone."

"Oh, good."  JC leans back in and starts mouthing at Chris' groin. 
"Mmm."

"Oh."  Chris straightens his shoulders and is about to take his
shirt back from Lance when JC moves in on him.  "Oh!"

Joey considers.  "Watch or...  Hmm.  Lance?  Wanna go get dirty?"

Lance's smile is shy but it rapidly grows larger.  "Yes.  Yes,
please."

Chris' hands come down to JC's head.  Short, sleek pelt.  There's
something tugging at the back of his mind.  Something important.

Lance and Joey leave the kitchen, hand-in-hand.

The kitchen.  "Jayce," Chris says suddenly, "not in the kitchen. 
We can't.  Not in the kitchen.  Upstairs?  Please?"

JC sighs.  "Okay."

When Justin comes out of the shower, the whole house is quiet. 
Huh.  Oh, well.  He starts cleaning.  It's his turn to do the
bedrooms, anyway.

****

The year drags on and on.  Things happen.  Big, unfun things.  A
lawsuit and Lance collapsing and they're busier and tireder than
ever.  Lance needs Joey almost constantly, and Chris' rules seem
even more stupid than ever when no one's got enough energy to do
anything.

So when Chris' birthday comes around and Justin sits down, Chris
just cuddles up against him and sighs.

Justin lifts his arm over Chris' shoulders and draws him close.  He
kisses Chris' forehead softly.  "I've got you.  Just relax."

Chris does.

Lately, the only time things go quiet inside of Justin is when he's
with Chris.  He's learned a lot and grown a lot and he thinks maybe
Chris was right in saying he wasn't grown-up enough for a
relationship a year ago.

Lance is in Joey's arms across the room from Justin and Chris. 
He's pale and he feels bad for making Joey take care of them.  For
holding them all back.

JC sits on the other side of Lance and wraps around him.  "Thanks,
baby.  For helping out so much with the lawsuit.  And for taking
care of me.  You too, Joey."  JC sighs and nuzzles Lance's hair. 
"You're good friends."

Lance lets himself relax into JC, so that both of them are holding
him.  "No, you're the ones who've been taking care of me. 
Especially Joey."

"Honey, it's not a hardship," Joey says.  "I love you.  I'm not
much good at the legal stuff.  You've been doing that for me.  So
we're even, huh?"  He kisses Lance, really kisses him.  He came so
close to losing Lance.  Joey won't ever let Lance doubt he's loved
from now on.

Lance smiles gratefully as Joey kisses him.  Good Joey.  Loves
Joey.

Chris yawns.  "Pipe down.  Us old people need our sleep.  However
few minutes we can get of it before we have to go get ready to do
whatever it is we do."

"Survive," Justin says grimly.

Chris squeezes Justin's arm.  Or leg.  One of those appendage
thingies.

JC nods.  "Sing," he adds.  Then he leans over Lance to kiss Joey's
cheek.  "Dance."  He kisses Lance's temple.

Justin squeezes Chris back.  "Love you," he whispers to Chris.

"Love you, too," Chris says back, not having to think about it. 
After it's said though, he freezes.  But only for a moment.  It's
not such a big thing to say, and Justin already knows Chris loves
him, even if the way Chris usually means it doesn't have anything
to do with what Chris just said.

"I know you do," Justin says, his voice warm and just a little
cocky.

"Imp," Chris says, relaxed again.

Justin laughs.

JC sighs.  "I'm glad they got themselves figured out."

"Me too," says Joey.  "Even though frustrated Chris makes for some
stellar sex for us."

"They don't," Lance says quietly.  "Justin's still unhappy.  Not as
unhappy as before, but he tells me about it sometimes."

"Yeah, well, he's only seventeen.  It's all about being unhappy. 
They'll be fine."

Lance cuddles closer.  "I hope so."

Joey snuggles Lance in.  "They will."

Call comes shortly thereafter.  Costumes, make-up and the whole
rest of the beginning of a night that'll leave Lance staggering and
Joey supporting him.  He sleeps soundly after performances, but
it's still a drain.  Lance hates being weak.

Chris puts a hand on Justin's arm as they head for the bus.

"What's up?" Justin asks, patting Chris' back lightly.

"Nothing.  I was just gonna ask you something, then I realized it
was stupid."

"Ask anyway," Justin suggests, waving to a couple girls who look as
tired as he feels.

"I was gonna ask you if you wanted to share with me tonight, but
then I remembered it's a travel day and we're gonna be on the bus
which we already share."

"Yeah, but we can take the couch together."  Justin follows Chris
onto the bus and hugs him tightly.  "I could do with some cuddling
tonight."

Chris leans into Justin.  It's stupid to lead Justin on when he
isn't gonna do anything about it, but he needs, and Lance
needs Joey and Joey's taking care of Lance.  And JC needs whatever
it is that JC needs.  Chris' safe options are gone.  Besides.  He
kinda wants it to be Justin.  "You're my hero," he says, fluttering
his eyelashes at Justin.

Justin laughs.  "As your hero, I'll let you have the first shower."

JC comes up onto the bus and grabs his bathroom kit.  "I'm staying
on the other bus tonight.  Lance, you know.  He's all sweaty."  JC
shivers happily and skips off the bus.

Justin laughs and heads to the kitchen.  "Want a sandwich?" he
calls back to Chris.

"Depends," Chris says, stripping.  "If it has Lance in it, not
right now, thanks."

"Hell, no.  Lance already has his sandwich set.  Go shower!" 
Justin makes up two sandwiches and eats his own.

Chris does as directed, taking a couple extra seconds to jerk off. 
With the water off, because the tank isn't all that large.  When
he's all clean and a lot less smelly, he comes back out.  "Your
turn!"

Justin squeezes Chris' shoulder as he passes.  The water of the
shower tastes sweet and a little metallic.  They're getting low. 
It's a shame, too, because Justin likes to jerk off in the shower. 
Oh, well.  Instead, he refrains from sexy thoughts and brushes his
teeth with the water off.  When he comes out, Chris is done eating. 
Justin's glad he took pajama pants in with him.  Chris looking at
him in just a towel would make him hard for sure.  "Hey.  This okay
or should I...?"  He holds up a wife beater.

"Up to you."  Chris puts his hand over his chest and pretends to
half-faint.  "OhmyGod!  It's Justin Timberlake!  And I can see his
nipples!  I'm going to just die!"

"I swear there was a sign tonight asking me to show them," Justin
notes, slumping onto the couch that Chris has already draped sheets
over.

"A sign?  They must not have really wanted to see then. 
They need a sign campaign.  A whole row of signs.  Heck, a
whole section each with one letter on each of their cards, spelling
out, 'WE WANT JUSTIN'S NIPPLES'."

Justin rolls his eyes.  "The FKA signs were all over.  That's a
campaign.  Did you know they coordinate?  So you're sure to see
them."

"I'm deeply desired.  What can I say?"  Chris strikes a pose, then
drops it, grabbing a bottled water from the fridge.  "You want?"

"Yeah."

Chris tosses him the first bottle and gets another for himself,
then opens it and drinks.  "Hell, yeah, that's good."

Justin keeps chugging water instead of answering.

Chris sees the line of Justin's throat and turns away, draining the
rest of his water and chucking the bottle in the garbage.  When he
turns back around, Justin's done.

Justin sighs, slumping back and closing his eyes.  After a second
he stretches his arm out, making room for Chris beside him.

Chris stretches, unknotting his shoulders and making sure his legs
aren't gonna start dancing all by themselves in the middle of the
night and then goes to sit down next to Justin.  He yawns.  "I
swear, I'm not sleepy.  I'm just exhausted."

Justin gathers Chris against his side.  They're barely sitting. 
"Yeah, pretty much."

Chris snorts.  "You're fine.  You could do three of these a day and
you'd still be fine.  You don't have to humor me."

Justin looks over at Chris.  "Chris, my mind is as tired as yours. 
I could get up and do another show if I had to, because I don't
have to think about it."

"You're just trying to make me feel better."

"No.  I'm not."  Justin closes his eyes and sighs.  "But I'm glad
if I do.  Make you feel better, I mean."

Chris pulls away from Justin and lies down.  He sighs as he's
finally horizontal again for this first time in hours.  "Yeah,
well, I'm going soft in my old age.  Plus," and Chris' voice gets
serious, "you -- and I'm not trying to be insulting, it just
comes naturally -- are acting a lot more together about everything
than I thought you would.  It..." he swallows.  "I was probably
wrong about everything.  About pushing you away.  You can handle
separating love from sex."

"I can, yeah.  And I thought I could.  But I'm not sure now.  It's
moot.  Three and a half months left, and it's worth waiting for." 
Justin opens his eyes.  "You want me to rub that stuff on your
knees?"

Chris moans piteously.  "Please?"

Justin laughs and does.  His hands are soft at first, spreading the
gel.  Then working it in.  Then, like JC taught him, he changes his
touch to firm, working at the hurt and trying to make Chris feel
better.

"You're a god," Chris says, babbling.  "A prince among men.  The
wise, the great, the benevolent Justin."

Justin just rolls his eyes and works until his hands start sticking
against Chris' skin and his hands hurt.  "And the ride is over," he
says, recapping the tube.

"The ride's just beginning.  We're supposed to be in Oklahoma
tomorrow."

"I'm too tired to sing that song."  Justin pats Chris' legs.  "Time
for bed."

"I'm good.  Get your ass down here."

Justin laughs, wipes his hands, and sits back down.  "You want
inside or outside?" he asks.

"Ew, you want to spoon?  You're going to get your nasty Timberlake
cooties all over me."  Chris' voice changes to a growl.  "Just get
on the damn couch."

Justin shrugs and settles on the edge of the couch.  "Thought one
might be better for your knees.  And, duh, I was talking about
inside or outside of the couch."  He settles on his left side,
facing Chris.  He always sleeps on his left side.  It's better for
the vocal cords.

"Oh.  Well, I figured that was obvious."

Justin shrugs as best he can and settles his hand on Chris'
stomach.

"Hey," Chris says into the quiet darkness.  "Thanks."

Justin smiles.  "No problem... Chris."  He has to work hard not to
say 'honey' or 'baby' or something like that.

Chris lets his breath escape.  He'd be happier draped over Justin,
but it'd also make him more phobic.  This is good enough.  For now.

Justin slowly slides forward, conforming to the side of Chris'
body.  He'd like it better if Chris would touch him back, but this
is good, too.

Chris snuffles, already out.  He'll sleep until aching wakes him up
or the warm presence in front of him is gone.

Justin sighs and hooks his legs up under Chris' knees, knowing
Chris is supposed to elevate them after a show.  "Love you," he
whispers.

Chris doesn't hear him consciously, but the words arrow into his
subconscious, where a part of him curls around them happily.

****

Justin stares out the front windows as Chris and Dani drive away. 
"Lance?" he whispers.  "Lance, where are they going?"

"On a date, Chris said," Lance answers.

Justin turns around and looks helplessly at Lance.  "What did I do
wrong?"

"Um."  Lance shrugs helplessly.  "He didn't say anything to me one
way or the other."

Justin frowns.  "He's mine, though!  I'm gonna --  I'm gonna
pull her hair out!"

Lance raises his eyebrows.  "He's yours?"

"Well, ours, but mostly mine!  Well, a little more mine than yours,
at least!  I waited two years.  It's not fair.  And..."  Justin
slumps onto the ottoman in front of Lance's chair.  "I love him,"
he says, voice wounded.  "I love him, but he's with her!"

"Maybe they're just dating.  Pretend-dating."

"You think so?"

"Sure.  I mean, it's January.  Your birthday's in a week.  It's the
only thing that makes sense."

Justin sighs.  "I hope so.  I still don't like her, though.  She's
all, um.  Too
curvy!"

Lance snickers.  "That's 'cause she's a girl."

"Yeah, but she's curvier than most girls."  Justin pops to his feet
and starts pacing.  "And her nose looks fake!  Her hair is all
dyed.  Her, um, feet are too big."  He stops and looks at Lance,
who's trying not to laugh at him.  "What am I going to do?" he
wails.  "I can't be curvy!"

"Chris sleeps with me and JC.  We're not curvy.  Joey sorta is
though."

"But he doesn't sleep with me," Justin says.  "He's gonna fall in
love with her and leave and then he'll never really love me back!"

"Even if he falls in love with her, he'll still love you, too."

"It's not the same," Justin says.  He sits next to Lance.  "I just
-- I always thought that I could maybe make him fall in love with
me.  But I can't, not if he's in love with her."

"If Joey didn't love me back -- really be in love with me, y'know
-- I'd survive.  I still have the rest of you, and I'd still have
Joey, just not a Joey who wants me the way I want him.  And it'd be
enough.  It could be better, but it could be a whole lot worse,
too.  You still have us."

"Yeah.  I suppose so.  I think Joey'll sleep with me, and JC, too. 
And that's good, because I do love you all.  That's good."  Justin
still remembers that Lance wasn't really attracted to him, but
through the years, Justin's become attracted to Lance.  "Would you,
maybe?  Think about it, I mean."

Lance blushes.  "Already have been."

Justin smiles and kisses Lance.  "Thanks.  Me too."

"You're welcome," Lance says breathlessly when Justin lets go of
him.

Justin laughs and musses Lance's hair.  "You're a good guy."

"Thanks."  Lance grins at him.

Justin looks woeful.  "I think I need to kiss you some more.  And
then I'm going to go make Joey kiss me.  You can help.  I'm going
to make Chris jealous.  Do you think that'd work?"

Lance purses his lips.  "You can.  I don't think it'll help,
though.  It's probably better to just wait until after your
birthday and then ask him."

"Yeah.  You're smart.  I still think you should kiss me, so I
forget about Chris."

"I don't think you should forget about Chris, but I'll kiss you."

Justin nods.  "I'll never forget about him anyway.  But I'll think
more about you than him."  Justin's arms go around Lance's neck and
he dedicates himself to kissing.

Lance pulls back.  "If Chris... if he's with Dani and won't be with
you after you turn eighteen, I... I'd like it a lot if you maybe
thought about doing it with me.  I'm not Chris or anything..."

"You mean -- oh.  Yes, I'd like that a lot, too."  Justin blushes
brightly.  "You're not Chris, but you're Lance.  You're my
first for damn near everything.  I love you."

"Me too," Lance says, and leans back into Justin, kissing him with
intention this time, like he and Justin are going to be getting
naked together sometime soon.

JC wraps his arm around Joey's waist and draws him back from the
doorway.  "What do you think?  If Chris is with Dani, and won't
with Justin?  I think we should."

Joey sighs.  "Yeah.  I think so, too.  He feels left out.  At least
Lance wasn't the only one when he was waiting to be old enough."

JC smiles and hugs Joey.  "You're sweet.  Wanna go play pool?"

"Sure.  I'll even pay."

****

Chris invites Dani to Justin's eighteenth birthday party.  It makes
sense, since the two of them have just started dating.  They're
supposed to want to do things together.  And she's a really great
girl.  She's funny and she's got awesome ideas about what else
Chris could be doing with his life.  He just hopes the guys like
her.

"Hey, guys.  You remember Dani, right?"

Lance nods politely and offers his hand.  "Good to meet you
formally.  I'm Lance."

Dani shakes his hand and grins at him.  "Chris tells me a lot about
you guys."

"Yeah.  Hey, Dani," Joey says.

"JC," JC says.

Justin just stares for a minute.  He's met Dani.  Several times.

"Joey!" Dani says.  She hugs him.  "Nice to see you again."  Joey
and Justin are the only two she's actually met before.

Joey hugs her back.  She's a nice girl, really.  He hopes by now
that Chris has explained the whole beard thing to her.

"Gonna invite me to your birthday party?" she asks, teasing him. 
"I hear there's going to be strippers."

Chris grins at Joey.

Justin clears his throat.  "Hi, Dani."

She turns to him.  "Hi!  Aren't you the cutest thing ever?  I could
just eat you up."

Justin smiles politely.  "Dani, I'm eighteen, not eight."

"Doesn't stop you from being cute.  And I wouldn't want to eat you
up if you were eight."  She grins at him.

Justin smiles back grudgingly.  She's just so damn... nice.  "Come
get some food," Justin says, leading the way back to the kitchen
where his whole family is devouring pizza.

For the next few hours, Justin manages not to see Dani and Chris
for more than a second at a time.  He pretends that this is just
the buildup to the night he wanted.  Chris taking him to bed.  That
sort of thing.  But finally, the presents are opened and his family
decamps to the hotel and it's just the five of them.  And Dani.

JC hugs Justin.  "You want a wine cooler?"  At Justin's nod he
hands over a cool bottle.  There's not enough alcohol to make him
do something rash, just enough to feel a little illicit.

"Thanks."  Justin watches Chris and Dani elbow each other as they
play with the Nintendo.  "Happy birthday to me, huh?"

"Happy birthday," Lance says, toasting him with another wine
cooler.

"This has been such a great party," Dani says.  She's sitting on
Chris' lap.  "I just loved meeting your family."

"You getting tired?" Chris asks her.  "I can take you home."

Dani looks through her eyelashes at him.  "Why, Mr. Kirkpatrick. 
How daring of you.  I'd love for you to... take me home."

Chris laughs and stands up, helping her to her feet.  "Looks like
we're gonna call it a night.  See you later."

Justin stands there, just waiting.

Chris hugs Justin.  "Happy birthday, kiddo.  Don't wait up."

"Chris?  Are you... coming home tonight?" JC asks.

Dani winks at JC.  "Not if I have anything to say about it."

Chris puts his arm around her and they walk out.

When the door closes behind them, Lance sets his wine cooler down. 
He looks at Justin, worried.

Justin very carefully sets his drink down.  Then sits down himself
with a sigh.  "Well, now.  That -- wasn't something I expected."

Joey sits next to Justin.  "You okay, kiddo?"

Justin thinks about it.  "Not entirely.  But I'm okay.  A little
numb."  He chugs half the bottle.  "A little more numb."

JC bites his lip and looks at Lance.

"You wanna sleep with me tonight?" Lance offers.  "Just sleep,
'cause it's late and all.  But tomorrow, we could.  Y'know."

Justin looks at Lance.  "I might cry on you," he warns.

"That's kinda what I was expecting," Lance says, ducking his head. 
"I didn't think you'd be in the mood after--" he waves his hand at
the door.

Justin sighs.  "I think I should get kisses now.  From all of you. 
And then we can go to bed, and sleep, and wake up.  And things will
be better."

Lance nods.  "Okay."

Joey nods, gently turning Justin's face to his.  "One... two..."
and so on, up to eighteen.  Justin's not bad.  Young and eager, and
tasting just a little of sorrow.  "Eighteen."  Joey draws back,
kissing Justin's forehead.  "And one to grow on."  He stands and
makes room for JC.  "I'm going to bed."

JC smiles at Justin.  "Hi, baby."

"Hi," Justin says back, head reeling with Joey's taste.  "Do I get
eighteen more?"

JC laughs.  "Not quite."  Instead he kisses Justin.  For a long,
slow count of eighteen.  "G'night, baby.  See you in the morning."

Justin looks at Lance.

Lance holds out his hand.  "Let's go to bed."

Justin takes Lance's hand and lets himself be led to bed.  Lance is
warm and sweet.  He kisses Justin, and never mentions when the
taste turns to salt.

Chris comes dragging in around 4 a.m.  He'd like to be more drunk,
but then he wouldn't have been able to drive.

The house is quiet; everyone's in bed.  Chris checks on them.

Lance and Justin sleeping curled up together, adorable as can be.

JC and Joey, JC draped naked over Joey.

He sighs, gets some aspirin, and heads to his own solitary bed.

JC barely hears something.  Even then, it takes several minutes for
the sound, and the internal alarm he set himself, to wake him. 
Sound means someone is up.  Tonight, that means Justin, who needs
hugs.  Or Chris, who needs to be beaten with a thorny stick.

Justin is asleep in Lance's arms, tears clear on his face.  Chris
is in his bed, but not asleep.  "You suck," JC says loudly.

Chris groans and covers his head with the pillow.  "Go 'way."

"Chris, what the hell is going on?" JC asks, sitting on Chris' bed. 
"Why did you do that?"

It's way too early for this shit.  Especially when Chris has just
gotten done with Dani and he hasn't had any sleep.  He rolls over. 
"Why'd I do what?"

"Why did you break Justin's heart?  I swear, if we'd videotaped it,
you could freeze-frame the instant.  Why did you do that?"

"Break Justin's heart?  What the hell are you talking about?"

"Jesus!  Chris, you told him he couldn't be with you until he was
eighteen.  He loves you!  He just kept falling in love, and you
loved him, too!  And then, on his birthday, you go off with Dani. 
Why?"

"Oh, please.  I had to bring her and I had to take her home," Chris
says in a disgusted voice.  "You ought to understand that.  I
didn't have a choice."

"Yes.  But you didn't have to go out and get drunk.  You
didn't have to bring her to this party.  Not when she's a
new... person.  And not when it's Justin's eighteenth.  And you
didn't have to stay out so late.  You should have come back
to him!  You shouldn't have implied you were going to fuck her, if
you weren't.  So why did you?"

Chris shakes his head.  "I didn't get drunk.  I did have to
bring her.  And I never said I was going to fuck her."

"Chris, you implied it.  You implied that you were leaving us all
on a celebration day.  And, you know what?  Never mind."  JC gets
up.  "Sleep.  Whatever."  He turns to go.

"JC...  Ah, fuck it.  I'm too tired, and you don't want to know
what's really going on anyway."

"I asked you to tell me!" JC says, whirling around.

"No, you didn't.  You told me what I did and didn't listen to -- or
didn't believe -- the answers I gave you."

"I accept that you're not drunk.  You're close.  I accept that you
believe you had to bring her.  But you did imply that you
were sleeping with her tonight.  Tell me where I'm wrong."

"She thought we were going to sleep together.  And I didn't argue
about it because I didn't want to make a scene.  I wanted to keep
her happy until I could get her alone and explain stuff."

"Did you?"

"Yeah.  She didn't take it well."

JC sighs and sits back down, rubbing Chris' leg absently.  "Why
didn't you tell her sooner, baby?  I'm sorry.  I know you like her. 
Justin, though.  He missed you."

Chris shrugs, rolling into JC.  "I tried telling her.  Hinting at
it, like.  She didn't believe me, I guess."

JC rolls his eyes.  Chris and subtle hints do not go together. 
"Lord.  Well, I don't think Lance missed you."  He smiles and rubs
Chris' hair.  "He right up and volunteered to take your place, if
you didn't want Justin.  Honestly, though," he continues, tone
serious, "I think he wanted to make Justin feel loved."

"Nothing was gonna happen last night whether Dani was there or not. 
I'm not Justin's birthday present.  It's one of the reasons I
thought it'd be safe to bring Dani.  That and because her
role is to be around on public occasions."

"Okay.  Um.  Why not on his birthday?  I know you want him as much
as he wants you."

"Because.  It feels weird.  Like this is all about him wanting me
and getting me."  He twists his lips.  "Y'know, in a way, Dani
reminds me of all of you, including Justin.  Desperate to get me
for no reason I can figure out.  I didn't encourage any of you."

"That's why, for me.  I knew you wouldn't take advantage of me. 
You weren't using me.  And after L.A., I needed that."

"You wanted me because I didn't want you?  Don't tell me all I'd
have to do to get Justin to give up is to chase him a little."

"No.  But he trusts you.  I knew I could trust you because you
didn't just want to fuck me."

Chris curls his head into JC's lap.  "Nope.  Not what I want from
any of you.  Justin most of all.  C?  Would you mind lying here
with me for a while?  I spent hours arguing with Dani and I need
some sleep."

"Sure."  JC lies down next to Chris.  "But you know, maybe you
should ask for what you want."

"Just did."  Chris blankets himself over JC and sighs happily.

"From all of us."  JC wiggles until Chris is situated comfortably. 
"From yourself."

"Feed me, play with me, sleep with me and have good sex?  I'm a
simple man.  I figured these things were understood."

"Okay.  I'll make sure to tell Justin that first thing in the
morning," JC says.  "Go to sleep, old man."

Chris yawns.  "It is morning.  Wait 'til afternoon."

"We went to bed early.  We'll wake up early and use all the hot
water."

"Not me.  Gonna sleep."  Chris pokes JC.  "Hush.  Lemme sleep."

JC hushes.

****

When Lance wakes up, it's late morning.  He unfolds himself from
around Justin, who grumbles.

"Good morning," he whispers.  "I'm gonna go get dressed."

Justin doesn't say anything, just kinda mumbles in agreement.

Lance heads to his room.  There's somebody -- two somebodies in the
other bed.  Lance sits down hard on his bed in relief.  Chris came
back, and he's sleeping with JC, and both of those mean that Chris
hasn't abandoned them.

Justin wakes up when Lance starts twitching.  It's something Lance
always does.  But Justin's not ready to be awake yet, so he just
mumbles and lets Lance go.  Only he can't get back to sleep.  He
gets up and dresses quickly.  Crappy clothes because no one will
care either way and they don't have anything to do today.  Justin
rubs his eyes hard, tells himself to suck it up, and goes after
breakfast.

Lance gets dressed quietly, smiling to himself.  He goes
downstairs, toward food.

Justin looks up when Lance comes in.  He's not quite sure how, but
he ends up hugging Lance tightly about half a second after he sees
him.  "Um.  Morning?" he mumbles into Lance's shoulder.

"Morning," Lance says, grinning.  "Chris came back!"

"Well, yeah.  It's not like he was never coming back," Justin
notes.  "D'you want cereal?" he asks, stepping away.

"No, thanks.  I'm gonna have toast.  But Justin... Chris is
back.  And he's in bed with JC!"  Lance is happy.

Justin smiles a little.  "Yeah.  Oh!  Oh, you thought he wouldn't,
like, be part of it again?  No.  Chris -- I think even if he is in
love with Dani, he'd still be a part of the whole thing.  I mean --
like I said, he loves us."

"But..." Lance frowns.  "It has to mean something.  If he's really
in love with Dani, he wouldn't just come back and sleep with us. 
He wouldn't."

"Okay.  Okay, you're right.  Yeah.  So he's not in love with her. 
That's -- that's cool.  I'm glad."  Justin flushes.  "I mean,
that's petty and stuff, but I am glad."

Lance puts two slices of wheat bread in the toaster.  "I don't
think it's petty.  I'm glad, too.  He's ours."

Justin laughs and pours milk on his cereal.

Speaking to the toaster, Lance says, "I think you should talk to
him about it today.  About you and him and everything."

"Probably, yeah," Justin says.  "I just have to be really careful
not to whine or anything."

Lance looks up and gives him a smile.  "Yeah.  Whining's bad."

"I'm supposed to be all growed up now, after all."

Lance snickers.

Justin sits down and starts shoveling cereal into his mouth.

Once Justin starts eating, Lance ignores him.  He's been pushing
his luck talking to him anyway, because Justin isn't always the
nicest person in the world before he's eaten.  But Lance is still
grinning.

Justin eats two bowls of cereal, chugs the last of the orange juice
out of the carton, and musses Lance's hair.  "Gonna brush my teeth,
Scoop."

Lance ducks his head away from Justin's hand, but too late. 
"That's disgusting," he says, referring to Justin drinking out of
the carton.

"I finished it!" Justin says happily.  "You won't catch my
cooties."

"I already have your cooties."  Lance throws the carton
away.

"Well, yes.  But I have yours, too.  It's balanced.  I'd give you
more cooties, but I need to brush my teeth."  Justin smiles
and rubs Lance's hair again, then goes to brush his teeth as fast
as he can.

Lance watches him go.  He doesn't really want Justin cooties.  Not
now.  He goes down to the basement and starts practicing instead.

Justin comes out of the kitchen, and Lance is gone.  But Joey is
there, drinking coffee.  "Hi, Joey."

"Hey, kid."  Joey grins.

"I'm not a kid!" Justin replies, smiling back.

"You doing okay, then?" Joey asks.  He's not the type to worry
unless there's something to worry about.

Justin shrugs and sits down.  "Yeah, I think so.  Lance says Chris
came back, and that's good.  I just wish I could figure out what
the hell's going on."

Joey shrugs.  "Ask him."

JC yawns and stumbles into the room.  "Ask who what?" he asks,
rubbing Justin's sparkly hair.

"Ask Chris what's going on," Justin says, batting JC's hand away.

"Yep.  Ask him," JC agrees.  He gets an apple and starts eating it. 
"We still going running, Joey?"

"Yep.  Let me finish this..."

Justin leaves them to their morning stuff and heads back upstairs.

Chris wakes up when JC leaves.  Not really wakes up, but his
bladder wakes up and that's close enough.  He stumbles into the
hall, searching blindly for the bathroom.

Justin nearly runs into Chris as he exits the bathroom.  "Dude!" 
He puts his hands out, steadying himself against Chris' chest and
the wall.  "Dude.  Hi."

Chris grabs hold of Justin's shirt and hauls him in.  "Hey," he
says.  He nuzzles Justin's throat, then lets go of him and heads
inside.

Justin's still standing in the hallway when Chris comes back out of
the bathroom.  "Hey," Justin says.

Chris nods to him, grabs another handful of shirt and drags Justin
down the hall back to the bedroom.

Justin stumbles along, trying not to fall.  "Hey!  What's going
on?"

"Bed.  Tired."  Chris pauses for a moment, blinking at Justin. 
"Come with me?"

"Oh.  Okay."  Justin follows along willingly now, folding into the
warm blankets of Chris' bed.

Chris sighs and tucks himself into Justin.  "Had C earlier," he
confides.  "'Cause he came in.  But he left.  Rather have you."

Justin sighs and holds Chris.  "You're a little drunk, aren't you?"
he asks, gently nuzzling at the side of Chris' face.

"No," Chris says, sighing and angling his head for Justin.  "Just
really, really tired.  Didn't get any sleep."

"Oh."  Justin doesn't want to think about that.  "Go to sleep,
then."

"Hate arguing with people," Chris mumbles.  "Like the arguing. 
Hate it when they're mad."

"Yeah.  Well, I'm not mad," Justin admits.  "Sleep.  We'll
talk a lot later, okay?"

"'kay," Chris agrees and goes limp.

Justin closes his eyes and wills himself to sleep.  It's a long
time before sleep actually comes.

****

Justin wakes up, and Chris is still sleeping.  But it's not the
kind of sleep that means Chris really needs sleep.  It's the
really light one, where Chris is just sleeping to stock up.  Justin
stretches.

Chris yawns.  "Stop it.  're moving the bed."

"Dude.  I am the bed," Justin says.  Chris is lying entirely
on top of him.

"See?  'm right then."

Justin laughs.  "Okay.  But I'm not tired any more."

"You gonna leave me, too?"  Chris starts rolling to the side.

"No, I'll stay," Justin says quickly, rolling with Chris.

Chris wraps an arm around Justin, trapping him.  "Good," he says,
eyes still closed.  "Not ready to get up yet.  Like sleeping
together.  You're good.  Lance's good.  Joey snores.  JC's bony."

Justin laughs again.  "Okay, Chris.  Okay."

After a few minutes, Chris sighs mournfully.  "I'm all awake now. 
I can't sleep anymore."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You sure?" Justin asks, solicitously.

Chris cracks one eye open.  "Why?  You gonna start hitting me as
soon as I tell you I'm really all the way awake?"

"No.  But I'll talk."

Chris opens the other eye as well.  "Okay.  I can handle that.  Lay
it on me."

"Are you really dating Dani?  Are you in love with her?"

"I'm not in love with her.  And I'm really dating her, if by really
dating you mean going out and letting her hang off my arm and
treating her like she means something to me."

"No.  Does she know?  Is it a romantic relationship?  That sort of
thing."

Chris sighs and his eyes look guilty.  "She knows now.  I told her
from the very beginning that I wasn't looking for anything serious
or real even, but she... I guess either I didn't explain it well or
there's something to that theory of me being an irresistible sexual
magnet, because that's not what she wanted.  Wants. 
Whatever.  I think I got her straightened out, but," his lips
quirk, "I have a very bad track record for convincing people to
stop wanting me."

Justin smiles just a little.  "So, you're still part of the --
thing?"

"Use nouns, kiddo."

"The... the thing!" Justin insists.  "The thing where you,
Lance, JC and Joey all sleep with each other.  That thing."

Chris raises his eyebrows.  "I'm in bed with you right now, aren't
I?"

"The thing where you have sex with each other, okay?" Justin
clarifies.  He's trying not to lose his temper because of Chris
being deliberately obtuse.  Or maybe that was the answer all by
itself.  "Oh.  Um, yeah.  Okay.  So, next question.  Why -- Why
wouldn't you stay with me last night?"

"Didn't know I was supposed to.  I had to talk Dani down from the
conclusions she'd jumped to all on her little lonesome.  Took hours
trying to convince her that I didn't really want to sleep with her
ever.  Especially since I couldn't tell her why.  I mean,
there's no way she would've accepted impotence or madness in the
family or anything else like that -- the girl was determined. 
Dude, I have serious pheromones or something.  Anyway, it ended up
being a screamer of a fight and she thinks I'm dating somebody I'm
not supposed to, like Britney or somebody else's wife."

"Dude.  That's harsh.  Are you okay?  I know you like her."

Chris shrugs.  "Liked her.  Not sure I do now.  There's something
about being harangued by someone that just makes the likeage seep
out.  Guess it depends on what happens next."

Justin hugs Chris.  "What do you want to happen next?"

"Not sure which I like better.  Her deciding to be cool about it or
a public 'break-up'.  On the plus side, if she's cool, then I don't
have to go look for another girlfriend.  But on the negative side,
if she's just pretending to be cool, then it'd suck 'cause she'd be
just waiting for her chance to get back at me.  But a break-up
would maybe give people something to talk about for a while and I
could forget about the whole thing."

"Hmm.  Well, I suppose that kind of depends on her, doesn't it?"

"Unfortunately.  I gotta wait and see."

"What're you going to do in the mean time?"  Justin keeps
petting Chris, he just can't make his hands stop.

"Forget about it.  I got better things to do."  Chris stares up at
Justin.  His eyes are dark and liquid.

"Yeah?" Justin asks breathlessly.  "Like what?"

"You tell me."

"Be with me?" Justin asks hopefully.

"Yeah."

"I love you, you know," Justin says.

"I know.  I've been waiting for this for a long time."  Chris
raises his hand to Justin's cheek, stroking his thumb over Justin's
cheek, hovering at the corner of his mouth.  "I'd do anything for
you.  Even wait to have you so you wouldn't be hurt.  'Cause that's
the one thing I don't ever want to do.  Hurt you."

Justin smiles and kisses Chris.  When he finally manages to make
himself stop, he says, "Same here.  I never want you to hurt.  I
like you all the time.  I want you happy."

Chris keeps touching Justin's face.  "I know."

"Yeah."  Justin tries to think of the mature thing to do.  He
can't.  "Um.  Now?"  He bounces a little, grinning.

"Yeah, baby.  Now and always."