Pairing: Chris and Nick
Words: leo; animate; hush; fiord


"Halt, stranger!  Identify yourself or be blasted from existence as
an unregistered space alien!"

"Chris, get out of the way."

"Your name is Chris, too?  Hey!  You can be Chris Two.  I've always
wanted an evil twin."

Nick growled at him.  "I'm tired and hungry, and if you don't let
me in there right now, I'm going to pound your little head so far
into your body that they'll be using an anal probe to find it."

Chris moved out of the doorway of the green room.  "Are you trying
to insinuate that we're the space aliens?"

"I don't know, and I don't care."  Nick headed for the catering
table and started making a sandwich.

Chris followed him.  "You could be right.  I think Lance is
actually making a visit to the mothership with the space thing. 
And the lyrics to 'Space Cowboy'? 
'Why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yay' is actually a
secret message to our alien controllers.  'Earth is mostly
harmless.  Occupied by Backstreet Boys fans.  Take over now. 
Please.'"

Nick shoved the sandwich into his mouth and looked around the empty
room.  Bit, chewed, swallowed.  Repeated the process several times
while Chris bounced a little and stared at him.  "Just so you know,
I am never showing up on time for anything ever again if it means
having to deal with you."

"Aww, Nicky, don't you love me?"

Nick stared at him, shook his head, and went for the caffeine. 
Found it, and popped open the can.  Ah, sweet nectar of the gods.

The hush of silence was disturbing after so much vitality and
bounce from the animated Chris that Nick turned to look for him in
self-defense.  He understood the mentality; he just wasn't in the
mood for it right now.

Chris had a stalk of celery and was industriously shaking out the
contents of a Pixy Stick onto it.

"You're not going to eat that, are you?"  Nick felt his stomach
revolting, and set down the rest of his sandwich.

"Sure!"  Chris smiled at him, eyes twinkling, and took a bite. 
"It's my new diet.  Celery is good for you, and is low calorie, and
pure sugar is just as low calorie.  Not as good for you, but who in
their right mind would eat raw celery?"

Nick watched in horrified fascination as the sugared celery
disappeared into Chris' mouth.  "Seems like an effective diet to
me.  I know *I* have no desire to ever eat again."

"That's what Lance, Joey and Justin said too."

"What did JC say?" Nick asked out of morbid curiosity.

Chris shrugged.  "He mumbled something like 'oh lord, the fiords'
and fondled his Leo pendant."

"He did not."

"Did so!"  Chris finished the celery stick, then licked granules of
the fine sugar off his fingers.  His lips were turning purple.  "JC
is our designated alien ambassador.  Performs all anal probing. 
Service with a smile.  Chin stripes are extra."

"Chin stripes?"

"Don't ask, don't tell."

Light dawned on Nick.  Chris was talking about his bandmate's beard
issues.  The hair kind.  "I always kinda thought he was imitating
AJ's whatever-it-is."

Chris nodded solemnly.  "We attempted to seduce the badboy of
Backstreet into the NSYNC way of life, but he escaped.  It's now my
duty to bring you over to the Light Side.  Will you come willingly,
or do I have to drag you?  Please, oh dear God, please, choose
dragging.  I've always wanted to hit someone over the head and pull
them back to my lair by their long, flowing locks.  Er, maybe Howie
would be better suited for that part of the mission plan."

"Who gets Kevin?"

"Holy change of subject, Batboy.  What makes you think we want the
big freaky eyebrow man?  All right, yes, he certainly *looks* like
a prospective member of our alien race, but *still* we do have
*some* standards."

"Dunno about that.  You let Fatone in."

"He's our honorary human ally.  We needed someone to handle our
alien-Earthling interactions."

"And what role would I fulfill?"

"Sex slave."  Chris clapped his hands together and twisted them,
giggling maniacally.  "How's about it, Nicky-boy?"

"Sure.  I always wanted to sleep with Lance."

"Lance?"  Chris tilted his head.  "Are you thinking what I'm
thinking?"

"Probably not."

"Threesome!"

Kevin didn't believe him when Nick explained later that there was
a perfectly good explanation for why he'd leaped on the other man
like a starving wildebeest.  But then, Kevin still thought Howie
read Playgirl for the articles.