Pairing: Justin and Joey
Words: bimbo; sassy; abduct; broaden


The problem with being internationally known popstars was that you
couldn't just sneak up on your friends and kidnap them from their
homes without prior warning.  You had to arrange these things; pay
people off, do a little creative bribery first.

Plus there was the problem where Joey was kinda heavy.

"I'm not carrying him.  He can walk his own ass down to the car,"
Chris said.  He looked meaningfully at Justin.

"I could do it if you guys helped."

"Doctor's note," Lance said, smirking.

"You so do not have a note from your doctor."

Joey lifted his hands, laughing.  "Hey, guys, guys, calm down.  If
you wanted to throw me a bachelor party, you could've just said. 
I'm up for that."

"But it's, like, a  custom to abduct the bridegroom," JC said
earnestly.

"No, it's a custom to abduct the *bride*," Joey said.

"No way, man.  Kelly would kick our asses," Chris said.  "So are
you gonna come quietly, or are we gonna have to do this the hard
way?"

"What's that?  You give poor J a hernia?"

"Nah, if you won't come along quietly, we let Lance explain the
finer points of amortization to you."

Joey held up his hands.  "Hey, no need to get nasty.  I'm going,
I'm going."

"I'm not that bad," Lance protested.  "Y'all could stand to learn
some of these things.  It wouldn't hurt you."

"Lance.  Beer.  Drink.  Now."

"Yeah, yeah, fine."

****

"What's wrong, J?"  The club they'd dragged him out to was fairly
typical, except they'd rented it for the night, and so the crowd
was limited to friends and acquaintances, as opposed to total
strangers.  Except the strippers.  They were complete strangers,
except to Chris, who swore he recognized one from photographs of
Lance and Justin's whipped cream night on the town after the
Britney incident.  Joey hadn't drank much and after accepting
everyone's congratulations, had stuck mostly to the company of his
nearest-and-dearest.  Justin's distraction had been a beacon that
Joey had gravitated toward.

"Nothing's wrong."

"I know better than that."  He did, too.  This kind of thing was
Justin's element, especially since the exclusivity of the event
meant their every move would be less closely scrutinized than
usual.

"Then you're the only one, 'cause no one else thinks anything's
wrong."

"Like I said, I know better.  C'mon, tell me."

Justin didn't look at him for a long moment, studying the revelers. 
"I can't.  Not today.  This is your thing and," he ducked his head,
"I'm not gonna make it about me."

"No, it's not.  My thing, that is.  The bachelor party's about the
groom's friends, not the groom.  You think I'm going to ogle random
naked chicks and then go out and get married to Kelly right after?"

Justin still wasn't looking at him.  "Um..."

"It doesn't work like that.  The travelin' man is settling down. 
Turning in his bedpost.  Day after tomorrow, that'll be about me. 
Or about Kelly.  They keep telling me it's more her day than about
us, but whatever.  When it comes to the planning part, I just do
what they tell me.  But tonight is about my friends.  And you're
one of them.  So tell me what's up."

"You sure?  'Cause really..."  Justin was looking at him now,
hopefully, but still like he expected Joey to tell him no.

"I'm sure."

Justin flashed him a grateful smile.  "Yeah, okay.  So.  There's
this thing.  And I don't want you to think I'm some kind of male
bimbo, because I'm not."

"No, that's me."

"Joey!"

"What?  You know it's true.  Or was true.  I've slept with just
about everyone up until now and maybe I finally got what a good
thing Kelly really is, but it doesn't change the truth."

"Well, Chris told me the reason I sleep around so much is that I'm
secretly gay."

Joey snorted.  "Dude, you're letting something Chris said bother
you?  C'mon, you know Chris thinks everyone's secretly gay."

"But what if it's true?"

"Is it?"

"I don't know.  Maybe.  There has to be some reason I can't find a
cool chick to settle down with.  Or at least have a real
relationship that lasts longer than one of our tours."

"Um, hello?  Excessive fame and fortune, maybe?  It's not just you,
J, you know that."

"*You* found someone."

"Someone who's been in my face practically since the beginning, and
I still nearly ruined it by sleeping around with everyone because
I could, because hot chicks were constantly throwing themselves at
me.  When there's this constant parade of attractive women in front
of you, it's easy to forget that there's more than just sex.  And
even if you remember, then there's all the shit we have to deal
with.  Look at Lance.  Or JC.  Or Chris.  Hell, if anyone was going
to make a relationship work, I thought it was him and Dani.  She
was sassy, on top of it, a real solid person.  And Chris, you know? 
But that didn't work out either.  I had to fuck up a lot before I
got where I am.  You shouldn't let these things mess with your
head.  It's hard, but it's not you, you know?"

Justin didn't seem particularly comforted.  He fidgeted in place. 
"Yeah, well, the thing is, I kinda maybe slept with Chris."

"Kinda," Joey said flatly.

"Did.  I did sleep with him.  Had sex with him."

"Should I be congratulating you or strangling him?  Or maybe both?" 
Justin didn't say anything, and Joey sighed.  "Hey, man, it's all
right.  You slept with a guy.  It's nothing to freak out about.  So
you broadened your horizons a little.  It doesn't change who you
are."

"I know that."

Joey nodded, and tried to project his best friendly-listening
attitude so Justin could just come out and tell him what it was
that was fucking him up so much.  Justin didn't say anything. 
"Okay.  Then what?  'Cause you know, I always thought it'd be Lance
I was giving this talk to."

"Lance is gay?"

There was a whole different conversation, and one he didn't want to
get into.  "You two were the kids when we started out.  I kinda
figured that, at some point, one of you would start asking
questions, and Chris isn't exactly the most responsible person in
the universe.  But you're years late for the birds-and-the-bees
talk, if that's what this is.  I don't have to give you that one,
do I?  Or the one about how it's okay if you want to sleep with
every guy from here to Tampa as long as it stays out of the
papers."

"Dude, it's a long way to Tampa."

"J..."

Justin sobered.  "Yeah.  I know.  I mean, yeah, it's cool to be
gay, and I don't have a problem with gay people or maybe even being
gay even though it's kinda weird thinking you're one way, and then
suddenly something happens and everything's different and you start
wondering if you ever really knew what you were.  I keep thinking
what if this is the reason me and Britney couldn't make it work, if
maybe I was gay all along."

Joey was a little lost.  "Um, I'm pretty sure that if you're gay,
it's because you want to fuck guys."

"Duh."

"So what's so confusing about that?  You either want to or you
don't."

Justin put his head in his hands.  "Yeah, well, that's the
confusing part.  I kinda do, but the guy I want is Chris."

"That would confuse anyone."

"Shut up."

Joey held up his hands.  "Okay, I get it.  No slamming the love of
your life.  But you know Chris.  He likes to play mind games with
people.  Sleeping with you is taking it way too far, and, man, I
*will* thump him if that's all this is to him, but sometimes I
think he got his degree in psychological warfare, not psychology,
you know?"

"You really think that?"

"That this is all a mindfuck to Chris?"

"No, that he's the love of my life?"

"Well..."  Joey considered it.  He'd mostly been joking, but when
he thought about it...  "Sorta.  You're like freaky surgically
separated Siamese twins sometimes, you know?  And no one's better
for Chris than you and vice versa.  So, yeah, even if you weren't
gay, and I'm not saying you are, who else do you love more?"

"My mama..."

"Really love, J."

"I meant it!" Justin protested.  "But yeah.  If it wasn't so weird
to use the L-word about a guy, then Chris would be it.  'Cause
we're best friends and everything."

"Best friends that you sleep with."

"Yeah," Justin agreed, slumped over in a depressed pose.

"Okay.  That's it.  I'm going to thump Chris."  Joey got up and
surveyed the room for Chris' spiky head.

"Hey, no, no need to do that, man."  Justin grabbed his arm and
pulled him back toward his seat.  "He didn't do anything wrong."

Joey let himself be pulled for the moment.  "He messed with your
head.  That's something wrong."

"He didn't... he isn't the one messing with my head.  That's me. 
'Cause, y'know, he didn't do anything I didn't want him to.  Once
we got started.  It was kinda weird at first, but I liked it.  It
wanted it.  It wasn't anything he did.  It's just... you're right. 
I know he plays with people.  And he was maybe just playing with me
before that happened.  Teasing me about being gay.  And then it was
something else, and we didn't talk about it, 'cause you know. 
Guys.  Not much with the talking.  Usually, we understand
everything that needs saying, or..." he gestured at Joey.

"Or you get one of us to say it for you."

"Yeah.  That.  But this.  He didn't mean... he wasn't trying for
anything, and I took him up on it, and Chris is Chris, and he plays
with people, and now here I am and he's acting like everything's
normal with us, so at least I haven't messed up my relationship
with my best friend, but you know, what if.  What if I really am
gay, and he really is the love of my life, like you said, and he
was just playing, but it was really everything?  What if then?"

"You're in love with him?"

Justin couldn't meet his eyes, not that he'd been doing a lot of
that during this conversation.  "Maybe."

"Huh."  Joey thought about the situation for a minute.  About Chris
and the way he was, and about how seriously Justin was taking this. 
"You know, Chris likes to play with people, but deep down, he wants
to believe in happily ever after.  He doesn't give up on stuff
until long after it's dead and sometimes not even then.  If you can
put up with him being Chris, he's a pretty good catch.  And you
seem to like that he's Chris."

"Yeah.  I like Chris."

Joey shrugged.  "So go talk to him.  Sit on him until he listens to
you.  Or tie him to the bed if talking's not your thing.  He'll
probably get the point.  Eventually.  This *is* Chris we're talking
about.  Second most dense member of the group, after you."

"Hey!"

"And if he gives you shit, I got your back, J.  I don't think he'd
just play with you, but if he is, he's gonna be on the receiving
end of a Joey Fatone smackdown."

"Chris plays with everyone's head."

"Not yours.  Not like this.  Go for it, J.  Worst you can do is
fuck up your friendship, split up the group and never speak to any
of us again."

Justin made a face at him.  "You suck at the reassurance thing. 
Next time I'm getting advice from JC."

"Sure you will."  Joey stood up and clapped Justin on the shoulder. 
"Go on.  Tame the wild Kirkpatrick.  You know you want to."

"Whatever, man."  But Justin got up, too, and after a moment's
search, set out in a straight line through the crowd.

Joey smiled.  His work here was done.  Now to sort out Lance.