Pairing: Chris and Brian
Words: cryptography; daughter; fracture; clam


"Hold me, Joey!  My heart's been broken forever!  Oh, woe is me!"
Chris threw himself dramatically at Joey, who caught him
automatically.

"What happened?  Did they forget the catsup for your hamburger?"

Chris pulled himself away with a hurt look.  "Hamburger?  You think
I'd lower myself to eat a *hamburger*?"

"Um, yeah?"

"Never!  Hamburgers are tools of the devil!  Just look at Lance."

"Okay."  Joey turned to look at Lance, who was chatting with his
teammates, the Backstreet Boys.  "What am I looking at here,
Chris?"

"The man who stole mah heart!  Made it fracture into two hurting
pieces that will never be whole again, so long as mah true, pure
love is unrequited."

"Lance?"

"No, dummy.  The other blonde Southern boy."

"Justin?  Because, Chris, that's kinda..."

"The other other blonde Southern boy."

Joey looked at Nick.  Where was he from again?  "Nick?"

Chris hit him.  "How can anyone be so clueless?  Do you have no
gayness in you at all?"

"No, not really."

"We'll have to do something about that.  Maybe JC can give you
lessons.  How To Be Gay In Five Easy Steps.  Sleep with the
instructor to graduate.  Brian, you dolt!"

Joey didn't quite follow that, but he got the gist, he was pretty
sure.  "I'm not going to sleep with Brian."

"Brian offered to sleep with you?  This explains everything!  He
doesn't want me because he's fallen for the other dark-haired,
dark-eyed beauty of our group.  That's it.  You're getting a dye
job."

"No.  And Chris?  Brian?"

"No."

"No?"

"No."  Chris stuck his tongue out at him.  "He's mine and you can't
have him."

Joey thought about telling him that he didn't want Brian, and
telling him *again* that he was straight, but it didn't seem to be
getting through, and besides, Chris knew it already.  Chris wasn't
dumb.  He wasn't all that good about showing his real feelings
though.  Most guys weren't, but Chris... Chris used humor like a
club and kept all of his real secrets hidden like a kid with a
secret decoder ring.  Except Joey knew Chris, and the inner
workings of Chris' mind weren't cryptography to him.  He pushed
Chris toward Brian.  "Go get him, tiger."

Chris balked, digging in his feet.  "You know, if you really really
want Brian, I can let you have him.  Out of the goodness of my
heart, and in the interests of turning you gay and all that."

"You saw him first."  Joey pushed harder, and Chris' feet skidded
on the smooth floor of the basketball court.

Chris grabbed at him to keep from falling down, throwing his arms
around Joey's legs.  "C'mon, you know you want him.  How could you
not want him?  Look at him."

Joey picked Chris up, slung him over his shoulder and walked over
to where Lance and the Backstreet Boys (minus AJ) were standing. 
"Hey.  How you doing?"

"Fine," Kevin said.  "*What* are you doing?"

Joey set Chris down and kept him in place with a hand on his
shoulder.  "Nothing.  Just making a delivery."

"Of what?"

Lance looked from Joey to Chris, then took a sideways step, putting
Kevin between himself and them.  Like he thought they were
delivering water balloons or live clams, or somebody's daughter
naked or something.  Which, okay, Joey admitted, wasn't a
completely unjustified fear, but really, practical jokes were more
of a *Justin* and Chris kind of thing, not a Joey and Chris kind of
thing.

"One slightly used--"

"Hey!" Chris protested.

"Girly singer with a crush on--"

Chris hit him.

"The blonde guy over there."

Kevin looked at him.  "Who, Nick?"

"No--" Joey said.

"On me?" Lance squeaked, looking out from behind Kevin.

"You're all hopeless idiots," Chris said, pulling away from Joey,
and marching over to Brian to stab him in the chest with his
forefinger.  "On you, dumbass.  I have a huge unrequited thing for
you, and since you're completely straight--"

"Why do you say that?"

Chris stared at him.  "You're not?"

Brian smiled at him, eyes twinkling.  "Only maybe 80 percent."

"I can live with that."  Chris turned around, grabbed Joey by the
front of his jersey, pulled him down and gave him a smacking kiss
on both cheeks.  "You're forgiven.  You big Italian Cupid you."

"What can I say?" Joey asked, grinning.  "I'm only kinda clueless."