Pairing: Chris and Joey
Words: appoint; mink; detachable; gender  


"Kirkpatrick!  Did you steal Lance's ferret?"  

"Isn't that what ferrets are for?"

"No, dumbass.  Mink is *not* made of ferret.  Now.  Hand over the
stretched out kitty and no one gets hurt."  Joey spreads his arms
and herds Chris back into a corner.  

"I resent the implication that I would try to skin Lance's ferret
to make myself a mink cockwarmer.  Although, you gotta admit, it'd
be just the right size and really really soft."

"Right.  And I'm gonna make sure to have the president appoint you
the weirdest freak in boyband-dom.  Now hand over the ferret." 
Joey stretches his hand slowly toward Chris.  

Chris drops the ferret down his pants.  "Oops."

Joey just starts laughing.  "Jesus.  If you wanted to change gender
that bad, Lance would be happy to do it with a knife.  You sure you
want that animal gnawing your cock off?"  Recently Dirk has been in
a nipping phase.  Joey's going to laugh himself to death if Chris's
dick gets bitten.  

Chris looks shifty.  "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Joey starts whistling, which always pisses Dirk off.  

"Bastard."

Joey watches Chris dance around until a little ball of fur slithers
out the leg of his pants.  "Thank you very much."  He scoops up the
ferret and knocks on the connecting door.  Lance takes the ferret,
glaring at Chris.

Chris stomps in after Joey and glowers at both Lance and Joey. 
"It's not the fucking ferret.  I don't *want* a cock-warmer.  Not
that kind of cock-warmer.  It's that you won't pay any fucking
attention to me.  The *ferret* gets more face time than I do.  I'm
not some kind of pet you can put in a box when you're done playing
with me and I'm sick of it."  Chris sticks his tongue out for good
measure.

Joey looks at Chris in surprise.  "Did you want me to play with
you?  Or, wait, you stole Dirk, so you must want Lance to play with
you.  Lance.  Chris wants to play with you.  As long as you don't
cross any streets and don't ruin your dinner, you boys have a good
time."  Joey smiles benignly and pats Chris on the cheek.  

Chris kicks Joey.  "I wouldn't want to play with you if you were
the last boy on Earth.  Go away."

Joey shrugs and goes away.  "Okay.  But Lance is straight.  No
cock-warmers for you here."  

Lance looks at Chris in fear.  "Can you smell fear?"  

"No."  Chris throws himself at Lance's feet, raising his hands in
a prayerful position.  "Oh, great and merciful Bass.  Get over
yourself and treat me like the sweet hunk of loving I am.  Forsake
me no longer."

Lance backs away.  Slowly.  Then he runs.  Fast.  

Chris pouts.  "I don't think he likes me very much."

Joey lets Lance into his room and locks the door, sliding the key
card back in.  Then he goes to Lance's room and finds Chris still
on his knees.  "Well, now.  I thought you wanted to *have* a
cock-warmer, not *be* one."  

Chris leers at him.  "I'd let Lance's cock get nice and warm in my
ass any time."

Joey rolls his eyes and lays on the bed.  "You're a pervert.  Leave
Lance alone."  

"I hate him.  He's all snarky and perfect and gorgeous and he likes
that ferret more than he likes me."

"You scare him with your rampant manliness," Joey says,
straightfaced.  

Chris ignores that.  "Then there's you.  You ruin all my fun.  You
take him away from me and treat me like a tiresome child who won't
do as he's told.  I don't like that either."

"Mostly it's because you ignore me and don't ever want to play with
*me*.  But, hey, what the hell.  You can harass Lance all you want,
but he'll still be straight.  Really fucking hot, but straight."  

"I don't believe you and it's not like *you* want me anyway. 
You're just a great big killjoy.  All you ever want to do is spoil
my fun."

Joey rolls off the bed, pins Chris down, and starts tickling him
into submission.  "No fun?  No fun?  I am too fun!"  

Chris squeals and kicks him.  "You're the opposite of fun!  You
wouldn't know fun if it bit you!  If they ever need someone for the
post of Anti-Fun Man, they'll appoint you!"

Joey growls and pins Chris down, blowing raspberries on the back of
his neck.  "Take it back!"  

"Why?  It's true!"

Joey considers.  There aren't many ways to beat Chris.  And he can
be really clueless at times.  Joey bites the back of Chris's neck
instead.  

Chris wriggles.  "Uh, hey, Earth to Joey?  You're Lance's straight
boyfriend and fetcher of caffeinated drinks.  You don't bite guys."

"Since when?" Joey asks.  Only he's got his teeth set in Chris's
neck, so it comes out kinda garbled.  

"Goddamn it, Joey.  Stop being a fucking tease."  Chris is mad now,
because Joey's using his buttons against him and it's not *fair*. 
Only *he* gets to use people's buttons against them.

Joey lets go with his teeth.  "Is it a tease if you're willing to
follow through?"  

"Very funny.  Lemme up."

"Why?"  Joey bites Chris again, then reaches down and starts
rubbing his stomach.  "You don't want me to." 

"Do so," Chris says, but it's a weak argument because his dick
likes things just fine as they are.  He counters instead with, "You
belong to Lance.  You've got 'Property of Lance Bass' on your ass. 
You get all jealous and protective of him every time I breathe in
his general direction.  Now, I think I've been perfectly good about
letting you distract me and play with my head so far, but I think
enough is enough and you should FUCKING WELL LET ME UP ALREADY!"

Joey rolls over.  "Fine.  And I'm not Lance's."  Chris is, of
course, free to go.  Joey shoves his hand into his pants and starts
jerking off.  "Mmm.  Jesus, you have a nice ass, Chris."  

Chris sits up immediately as soon as he's freed, of course.  He
hates being trapped.  "You do so belong to Lance, and everybody
*knows* I have a great ass.  Justin's face, JC's voice and my ass
have gotten us where we are today."

The banter's fast and as sharp as always, but Chris' eyes are
pinned to Joey's hand.  The outline of it anyway, against Joey's
pants.

"Mmm.  But I don't wanna fuck JC's voice or Justin's face.  Well. 
Maybe Justin's face."  Joey moans softly.  "Damn, Chris.  Are you
sure you want to leave?"  

"What--" Chris' voice cracks and he coughs to clear his throat. 
"What are my options?"

"Stay here, with the cockwarmer."  Joey gestures to himself. 
"Chase Lance, and annoy the hell out of a straight boy.  Go jerk
off.  Go to sleep."  

Chris swallows.  "You want *me* to fuck you?"

Joey rolls his eyes.  "Chris, I've been hitting on you for, like,
months.  Dumbass."  

"Have not," Chris retorts.  "You've been shoving me away from Lance
for months like a jealous boyfriend."

"Duh.  He's afraid of you.  Me," Joey speeds up his hand.  "I'm
not."  

Chris licks his lips.  "Uh, Joey?"

"Yes?"  

He means to say that he wants to fuck Joey.  "I want you to fuck
me."

"Thought your cock was cold," Joey says.  At the same time, he
stands up and starts pulling at Chris's clothes.  

"Uh-huh.  But I was teasing about wanting a cockwarmer.  I stole
Dirk 'cause I wanted Lance to pay attention to me."  He looks up at
Joey.  "This mean you really *are* a jealous boyfriend, just of me
instead of Lance?

"Well, other than the fact that you've been ignoring me for about
three months, and we've never dated, or had sex -- yet -- boyfriend
might be a little overly optimistic."

"Big words for a guy who claims to have had a crush on me for
months."  Chris is stripping off his clothes as fast as he can
anyway.  "Maybe you should've left Dirk where he was.  He might
have done some permanent damage, and then you'd have a detachable
penis to help things out."

"Shut up and lay down.  I'll show you what an attached one can do." 
Joey pins Chris to the bed and starts a different kind of tickling. 


"Masher," Chris says as he lies back.  "You don't have to woo me
with the wonders of your body.  I know you're just in it for the
non-detachable dildo that comes with the fine Kirkpatrick ass. 
Just, y'know, make sure to make the story of my conquest sound
interesting when you tell Lance all about it."

"I'm not telling Lance about this one.  This one is *all* mine." 
Joey kisses Chris for the first time.  And it's good.  

Chris' eyes are open and round, but his dick is believing all of
this.  If this is what annoying Lance and sticking ferrets down his
pants gets him, he's gonna do it all the time.  Detachable penis or
not.