Pairing: JC and Chris
Words: prance; compliment; bridal; clog


It's 7:30 a.m. and Chris is only a groomsman for this disaster, but
Lance'd given him a harried look and said, "JC.  Here.  Now,"
before going off to take care of whatever other duties the best man
had to do on the day of the wedding.  Chris'd always thought
weddings were by and for the bride, but what does he know?  He
hasn't seen hide nor hair of the bridal party.  Just Joey's fat ass
as he hopped around naked looking for his pants, Lance, and now his
cell phone.

He makes the call.

"'Lo?"

"Hey, C.  You awake?  Dressed maybe?"

"Huh?"

"I'll call that a no.  You have any idea what day it is?  Like,
y'know, not just that it's a Saturday, but what Saturday it is?"

"Chris, I'm at the church.  Down in the little room, the one by the
room we're supposed to be in.  Quiet room, thing.  I was tired."

Chris blinks.  "You're at the church.  Thank God.  Lance is about
to blow a gasket.  He thought you were still at home."

"I can hear Joey outside my door," JC says.

"Okay, cool, cool.  See if he's dressed yet.  We found his pants,
but you never know."

JC steps out with the phone still pressed to his ear.  "Chris," he
whispers.  "I don't think he wants his pants right now."  JC
carefully shuts himself back in the little room.

Chris heads for the quiet room.  "What're you talking about?"

"Um, you probably shouldn't--" JC breaks off as he hears another
door open, and then Kelly screams and Joey yells at Chris to get
the hell out.  The door slams.  "--go in there," JC finishes
weakly.

"I was trying to get to *you*," Chris complains.  "Don't they know
that they aren't supposed to see each other before the wedding, let
alone fuck each other?"

"Maybe it's just a tension reliever?"

"Then Lance should be getting a blowjob behind the altar, 'cause
that boy is stressed out."

"Maybe he is.  Have you seen him recently?" JC asks.

"Saw him not five minutes ago when he sent me to find you."

"Oh.  Too bad for him, then."

"Why's that?  They giving them out free now?"

"Wouldn't that be the world," JC says with a little laugh.  Then he
grins so hard he knows Chris can hear.  "You know, this room is
tiny.  More like a closet with a cot, really.  Kelly and Joe are
keeping me in the closet."

"Gee.  You mean somebody can?  I didn't think that was possible."

"Asshole."

"You know it.  So with that potential clog in the nuptial process
taken care of, I think we're good to go.  As long as Lance doesn't
find me and give me something new to do."

"Hide," JC suggests.

"Like you're doing?  Nah.  Somebody'd want to have sex and they'd
find me eventually."

"Well, we'll have to do the ceremony, as soon as they're done in
there."

"Nope.  Check your watch.  It's picture time, not ceremony time. 
We've got *hours* to go before they prance down the aisle and off
to idle married bliss.  Hell, the guests aren't even here yet."

"Pictures before a wedding are stupid," JC declares.  "I mean --
they're not really married yet!"

"It's then or wait around for hours afterward.  Timewise, it makes
more sense to do them first."

JC sighs.

"What?"

"Weddings are a pain in the ass!"

"Duh.  You just figure that out?"

"I'm slow.  So sue me."

"Why?  You got anything I want?"

"Um.  I don't know.  Do I?"

Chris snickers.  "Nah.  Nothing you wouldn't give me anyway if I
asked you for it.  You're easy like that, Chasez."

"You're a bitch, Chris," JC says, in complimentary tones.

"Why, thank you.  And here I thought you didn't appreciate my finer
qualities."

"I appreciate *all* your qualities," JC purrs.

Chris swallows.  "Hey, now.  That's no fair, using that tone of
voice on a man in a tux with an angry groom between him and you."

"And Kelly, don't forget Kelly."

"She didn't look angry."

"You interrupted a chick right before she came, on a day she's so
stressed, she might not get back to that point."

"No, I interrupted Joey.  She didn't even notice me."

"Huh."  Just then there's a loud scream from beyond the door.  JC
grins.  "Guess not."

"See, women are very focussed about these things.  They don't let
themselves get interrupted.  Men -- we're the ones who get
distracted.  It's like a survival instinct.  'Whoa.  Are those
boobs better than the boobs I already have?'  That kind of thing."

"Boobs?"

"Sorry, gay-boy.  Asses."

"Chris."

"What?"

"Chris, they're making me horny."

"So jack off."

"In a church?  I'll go to hell!  I'm *Mennonite*!"

"You are not.  And it's not like it's a Mennonite church.  From a
Mennonite standpoint, isn't everybody here going to hell because
they're not Mennonite?"

"That's the point!  It's okay for Kelly and Joey to fuck, because
they're already damned.  But I'm not, so I can't jerk off."

"JC, think about that for five seconds and tell me you really
believe that."

"Um."

"Exactly.  Any religion that's gonna send you to hell for jerking
off in church already sent you there for being gay and for telling
preteens to have you up against a wall.  I wouldn't worry about
it."

"It was a metaphor!" JC wails.

"Calm down.  You're not going to hell.  Over that."

"Jerk."

"I'm not the one talking about jerking off in church."

JC pouts.  Loudly.

"Sorry," Chris says.  "I'm bored and now you've made me all horny."

JC says, "Let's sneak in the limo and do it."

"I like the way you think, but how're you gonna get past Joe and
Kelly?"

JC opens the door and stumbles across the room, apologizing loudly
the whole way.

Chris snaps his phone shut and meets JC at the door.  "You sly dog
you.  I must have you now.  My name is Chris Kirkpatrick.  Prepare
to be fucked."

JC rolls his eyes.  "You're dumb."

"And yet, I'm getting laid."

"I'm hard-up."

"You say the sweetest things.  Race you to the limo."