Pairing: Lance and Joey
Words: quack; past; cleaner; deaf


"I'm sorry, Chris," Lance says solemnly, even a little sadly.  "But
I can't have sex with you.  I'm in love with Joey."

Chris sticks his finger in his ear and twists, then says, "I'm
sorry, I've temporarily gone deaf.  Could you sign that out for
me?"

Lance gives Chris another sad smile.  "I'm in love with Joey."

"Why?"

"Because he's Joey," Lance says simply.

"I thought you said you were past this."

Lance shakes his head.  "Love isn't something you get over.  I'm
sorry, Chris."

"Love is too something you get over, dumbass.  Otherwise we'd all
die the from the first person who breaks our heart."

"You wanted to know why I was turning down your very flattering
offer of your tongue in my ear and a quick grope of my dick.  I'm
telling you."  Lance's tone has lost a bit of the sadness and moved
into snarky.

"It's not a good enough reason," Chris insists.

"I think it's a wonderful reason.  I don't see why I should pass up
a chance at the real thing for sex."

"Because Joey told you, there's no chance..  And because, dude, I
want you for more than sex."

Lance gives him a skeptical glance.  "Right.  Is that a box of
condoms in your pocket?  Because I already know you're happy to see
me."

"I am.  I usually am."  Chris sets aside his usual methods, just
for Lance.  "So fuck it.  I want you, yeah.  I wanna fuck you and
have you fuck me, and then I wanna sleep with you and wake up with
you."  That's Chris's big thing, which they all know.  He can't
sleep with casual fucks any more.  And he hates waking up with
them, even if he knows them.

Lance's teeth grind together.  He knows.  They all know.  "Yes, and
then the next day you go looking for someone else.  Thank you, but
no thank you."

"No, I don't.  The next day I do it again.  With you.  Because I
like you.  You have nice, um.  Hair.  And, y'know, a good heart and
shit."

"I can dye my hair.  And you mean you don't think I'll hold a
grudge."

Chris blows out a breath.  "Fine, don't listen to me.  I'll prank
you next week, just so you're sure I'm over it," he says bitterly.

Lance blinks.  Yeah, he didn't think Chris would take being turned
down well, and hell, this isn't easy for Lance either, not with how
he's in love with Chris and part of him is shouting, 'Take what you
can get while the getting's good!'.  But he's been hearing that
voice for a long time.  But there's something wrong with what Chris
just said.  "Get over what?" he asks.

"Loving you, dumbass."

"You... you don't," Lance stammers.  "You can't."

"Of course not."  Chris nods and doesn't roll his eyes.  "You're
only, like, totally sexy and smart and bitchy, which I like.  But,
hey, you're right.  I'm lying to you.  Go forth, love Joey.  I'll
kick his ass into loving you back, okay?"

Lance reaches out, clinging to Chris' sleeve.  "No, wait.  Since
when have you loved me?"

Chris shrugs.  "Dunno.  Just do."

Lance doesn't let go.  "Me, too."

"Joey, yeah, I know."

Lance wants to choke on that lie now.  "I don't.  I haven't.  Not
since.  Well.  A long time ago now."

"Dude, you totally do too.  You say it all the time.  *Joey* says
you're in love with him.  I mean, yes, I want to sway you away from
that, but you don't have to lie about it."

"Chris, that *is* the lie."

"I know!"  Chris pulls away.  "I know that you just lied to me,
okay?"

"You know?" Lance asks, feeling guilt and a sinking dread.

"Yes.  You love Joey.  I *get* it, Bass."

"But... *that's* the lie."

"What?"

"I'm in love with you, Chris."  Lance feels cleaner having said it.

"No way!"

Lance nods.  "Yes."

"No!"

Lance nods again, looking confused.  "Yes."

"Whoa.  That's... why?  Are you concussed?"

"Um, no?"

Chris shakes his head in wonder.  "You poor, poor child."

Lance flushes.  "Look.  I only said it because you said..."  He
shakes his head.  "If you're making fun of me, I'm going.  I mean
it.  That's the whole reason I made up the Joey thing to begin
with.  Because I *knew* you'd make fun of me and call me a girl." 
His mouth twists.  "More than you do anyway."

"I just feel bad that you love me, because I'm so, so far from a
good person.  I'm mean, I'm petty, I'm jealous, I'm short, I'm
bowlegged, I smell bad, and I can't cook."

"Oh."  Lance's flush deepens.  "You're right.  There's lots of
reasons I shouldn't love you.  You're completely sexy and smart and
bitchy, and yeah."

Chris smiles.  "Yeah?"

Lance nods.  "Yeah."

"Wanna go make out?"

Lance lets go of Chris' shirt and takes his hand.  "I don't know,"
he says, threading his fingers through Chris'.  "I mean, what will
Joey say?"

"Ew, gross?" Chris suggests, squeezing Lance's hand.

Lance grins at him.  "I'm thinking he'll say 'about time'."

Chris grins back.  "Wanna go find out?"

"No."

"No?"

"I'd rather make out with you."

"Okay.  Hey, are you adverse to shared bathing rituals?"

Lance gives him a sideways glance.  "Would these be naked shared
bathing rituals?"

"Most often, yes."

"How about this time?"

"Oh, I'm just asking for future reference."

"Oh."  Lance sounds disappointed.

"See, I wanna know if you'll be my rubber ducky.  And make bath
time *so* much fun."  Chris leers.

"Kiss me?"

Chris does.

When Chris pulls his mouth away, Lance sways into him.  "Quack," he
says, and kisses Chris, too.