Pairing: Nick and Joey
Words: duel; sassy; pink; fortune teller


Joey adjusted his sash.  The stuff he did for charity.  Man. 
*Somebody* better appreciate this.  He looked like an idiot.

"You know, you look like an idiot."

"Yeah, thanks, I got that idea."  He turned around to face his
tormentor and nearly snickered.

Nick shrugged.  He was dressed as a jester, belled hat and all. 
"Didn't mean that there was anything wrong with that.  Look at me."

"Oh, yeah."  Joey looked at Nick.  It was funny, but...  "Wanna
trade?"

"What?  You trying to ass-u-nate that I'd make a better
sword-swallower than you?"

It took him a second to sort that one out.  "I'm not insinuating
anything."

"Yeah, right.  You *want* to run around with bells on your head
while wearing a skirt?"

"I think that's supposed to be a tunic."

"It's a skirt.  A skirt with tights.  Or are you trying to tell me
I don't know a skirt when I'm wearing one?"

Joey held his hands up.  "Look.  I'm not trying to start anything,
but you seem to be pissed off at me anyway.  Trust me, none of this
was my idea."

Nick sighed.  "Yeah, fine, whatever.  No, I'm not trying to start
anything.  I'm just sick of getting stuck in these silly-ass
costumes and there not being anything I can do about it."

"It's for a good cause," Joey said helpfully, although he wasn't
entirely sure *what* good cause it was for.  They were all for good
causes, though, so it was a safe bet.

"I thought fame was supposed to involve getting to pose with hot
babes.  Not dressing up in stupid clothes and letting people take
pictures of you looking stupid."

"I don't know what was in your famous people contract, but mine
clearly stated that I had to wear stupid clothes at least twice a
week."

Nick gave him a look.  "Not counting concerts."

"You have to count concerts or the average is off."

"You only do one concert a week?"

"Well, no.  But it averages out."

"Uh-huh.  And you do a lot of math."

"I could do math if I wanted."

"Right."

"What's your problem?  It's not like this was *my* idea.  I didn't
say, hey, let's dress Nick Carter up like a great big fairy so
everyone can see how gay he really is."

"Thanks.  And I'm not gay."

"So then your masculinity shouldn't be threatened by a couple of
bells.  You don't see Kevin complaining, do you?"  Joey hadn't seen
Kevin yet, but it was a sure thing that, no matter how he dressed,
Kevin wouldn't be complaining about it.

"What's to complain about?  He's a lion tamer."

"Oh."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, though," Nick said, but Joey
was pretty sure he meant it sarcastically.  The way Nick was
rolling his eyes kinda gave it away.

He wasn't about to admit weakness.  He knew better than that. 
"Anytime."

Nick seemed a little pissed, but he didn't leave.

Safety in numbers, Joey supposed.  Better the enemy you know than
the J-14 reporter you only know because someone in your group had
sex with them on a fairly frequent basis.  Or something like that. 
"It could be worse," he offered.

"How?  I could be even more in drag somehow?"

"Um..."

"That's what I thought."

"Look, I'm trying to be nice here."

"Not as far as I can tell."

Joey resisted the urge to strangle Nick.  "You wanna go laugh at
people in even worse costumes?"

"What, they figured out a way to make a Gay Boy costume and put
George Michael in it?"

Joey gave Nick a look.  "Is that what your problem is?  Look, no
one's gonna know that you're gay because you're dressed like that. 
You're dressed like that 'cause the charity--" whatever it was
"--demanded it."

"And my excuse the rest of the time is?"

"Jesus.  You're a paranoid fuck."

"Like you'd know."

"It's a figure of speech!"

"Oh.  Still."

"What...?  Never mind.  I don't want to know.  You wanna duke it
out or you wanna go over to the fortune-teller's tent and make fun
of Pink?"

"I dunno.  Maybe we could use a couple of those swords you've got
and duel or something?  If they're real, that is.  'Cause, y'know,
manliness-wise, that'd help me out."

"You think you're going to look manly swinging a sword around while
wearing a hat with bells on it?"

"I can take the hat off."

"Can't."

"Can so."

"Can't.  Bet they get all upset with you if you take it off.  The
organizers and everything."  Joey nodded seriously.  "If we duel
and we're in costume, it's a photo op.  Otherwise, we're just a
couple of idiots playing around with the props."

"Yeah, so?"

"So they'd probably try to stop us if you weren't wearing the hat."

"You just don't want me to kick your ass."

"I think you had one too many of those hard ciders they're giving
out at that pub thingy."

"Only a massagist would try to get through this totally sober."

"Or a masochist," Joey said, correcting Nick's error, but Nick
didn't seem to get it.  "So you wanna?"

"Which?"

He shrugged.  "Either.  Drunkenness or mocking our fellow
sufferers.  Doesn't matter to me.  I'm not the one in tights."

"I hate you.  Let's go make fun of Pink.  Betcha she gives a killer
fortune."

"Probably.  She's a sassy girl."

"Woman," Nick corrected.

"Like you have any idea."

"I'm not the sword-swallower, gay-boy."

"I'm not the one in tights, fag."

Nick stuck his tongue out at Joey.  Joey thought, *My, what a long
tongue you have*, and tried to remind himself he was the straight
one.  Maybe Madame Pink would see a tall, blonde stranger in his
future.  Hey, it could happen.