Pairing: Justin and JC
Words: brandy; gutter; glisten; rubber


Justin pulls the pill bottles out of his bag and lines them up
carefully on the vanity, arranging them by the time he needs to
take each of them.  They'll only be there for a little while, but
he feels more secure doing things in a certain way.  For one, it
makes it less easy to lose one if he's always counting them and
making sure they're there.

No sharing for them on this tour, but he hears the door open
anyway.  Privacy is something other people have.  Security, on the
other hand, he doesn't worry about.  It's gonna be someone he
knows.  "I'll be right out," he calls, and gets out his toothpaste
and toothbrush so he can brush his smile until it shines.

JC wanders into the bathroom, wrapping his arms around Justin's
waist and laying his head between Justin's shoulder blades.  JC
like to sleep, everyone knows it.  But when they arrive somewhere
really late, when he's completely exhausted, sometimes he can't
sleep.  Justin is the only one who never tries to fix him then. 
Just lets him be broken until he's not anymore.  So JC always finds
Justin -- even now that he maybe makes JC have thoughts that are
bad.

Justin leans down and spits.  "Hey.  Can't sleep?"

"Nope," JC replies, lips brushing Justin's warm skin.

"'kay."  Justin takes pills out of the first two bottles, fills the
glass again with water and takes them.  Then he moves those bottles
to the end of the line.  "I'm not all that sleepy yet, but I
definitely want to lie down at least.  You okay with that?"

"Yeah, of course," JC agrees.  He lets go of Justin, but follows
him to the bed.

Justin's already in his favorite sleep wear of t-shirt and cotton
boxers -- nudity's a luxury reserved for being at home.  He
replaces the hotel's pillow with his pillow and gets into bed.

JC waits for Justin to settle and then crawls onto the bed next to
him.  "You feeling okay?"

Justin shrugs, raising his arm so JC can cuddle against him.  "Same
as always, just more so.  When they think they've found one cause
of the problem, they correct it, and then they find another.  I
don't *feel* any different, but I don't feel any better either."

JC kisses Justin's cheek.  "I'm sorry, baby."

"Nothing to be sorry about.  It just is.  Eventually they'll figure
out why I'm anemic.  Hopefully before I have twice as many pills to
take."

JC shifts position a little so he can hold Justin instead of the
other way around.  "Anything I can do?"

"Nah.  I mean, if the doctor doesn't know why, then there's nothing
you can do either.  And it's not like the symptoms are any
different than touring anyway.  I never noticed.  If they hadn't
done the blood test, I woulda just thought the tour was kicking my
ass like always."

JC squeezes Justin.  "Okay.  But you promise to let me know if you
ever need a backrub or a hand up or a warm teddy bear, okay?"

Justin snickers and squeezes.  "I already *have* a warm teddy
bear."

"Exactly!"  JC grins.  "Or if you want a warm brandy toddy.  I know
how to make them."

"Nah.  It's not like I have problems sleeping and tomorrow's a work
day.  It's good having you here to talk to though.  Y'know, so I
don't have to watch TV until I'm sleepy."

"Good."  JC smiles in the darkness, and Justin's teeth glisten back
at him.

"Anything you wanna talk about?  Skeet shooting?  Drain cleaning? 
How to get junk out of your gutters?"

"I wanna know why they make you practice putting a rubber on a
banana in health class.  First, there is *no* real comparison. 
Second, what idiot can't figure it out on their own?  Honestly! 
How stupid *is* that?"

Justin giggles.  "I didn't get taught that in health class.  It was
more like Chris throwing a strip of them at me and saying, 'here,
fill these with water'."

JC rolls his eyes.  "Please tell me you figured it out anyway."

"What's there to figure out?  Hardest part is getting the stupid
package open."

"True."

"Maybe they do it to humiliate you," Justin says thoughtfully. 
"Make you so embarrassed that you won't ever think about sex
again."

"It could be."  JC shrugs.  "Doesn't work on everybody, though."

"Course not, 'cause it's stupid.  All it does is teach you that
condoms get you laughed at.  That's why I like the water balloon
method better.  You get to learn that condoms can be fun."

JC laughs.  "I'll have to tell Chris he did something right, then."

"Chris does lots of things right."

"He does, yeah.  After all, he picked you."

"That's what he wants you to think.  Actually, I glommed onto him."

"Somehow I doubt if you called him at fourteen to order him to put
you in the group no one knew about," JC says.

"If I called him what?"

"Called him on the phone.  You must be getting tired."

"Already tired.  Just not sleepy.  What's the big deal?  Sooner I
go to sleep, the sooner you're left with no one to talk to?"

"No.  Just that you usually understand me."

"Is there something I'm not getting?"

"No, just, before.  You asked what, and... never mind."

"Okay.  So, not sleepy.  Talk to me, Jayce.  Tell me stuff."

"You look really pretty when you sleep."

Justin yawns.  "I look really pretty all the time according to some
people.  Think that's why I like Chris; he never thinks I'm
pretty."

JC nods a little.  "You are, though.  I'm not a very -- realistic
person.  Not anymore.  I got tired of hurting from it all the time. 
So I look for the happy, good things.  And you're one of them."

"If I'm pretty, then you're sweet."

"I try to be."

"You happy, Jayce?"

"Sometimes."

"Now?"

"Yes," JC answers firmly.

"Good.  Not gonna nag you about it, but I like it when you're
happy.  Did I tell you about Britney and her dancer?"

"What about them?"

"Guess not.  It's no big, not exactly.  You were saying you're
happy and I remembered the last time she was out, and you weren't
happy and you cuddled up on me.  Later, she told me she was happy
for me and that it was a relief, 'cause she'd been getting it on
with one of her dancers."

JC's eyes go wide.  "Holy shit," he breathes.  "Um.  Is that okay? 
Are you okay?"

Justin shrugs.  "It was a while back.  I thought maybe I'd already
told you.  It's... I didn't tell her she was wrong about us,
y'know.  I didn't want to make her feel weird about the dancer
thing.  And it's not like we got to see each other much anyway."

"Oh.  *Oh*!  She thought... oh, wow."

"Yeah.  I don't know *why*.  You just nap on me sometimes, that's
all."  Justin thinks about it and giggles.  "She's probably got
some kinky ideas about what Joey and Chris get up to, too, then,
'cause Chris is always all over him."

JC takes a deep breath.  "Would it be weird if we *were* doing
something?"

"Like what?"

"Like dating."

"Yeah, it would, kinda.  Be weird."

"That's what I thought."  JC sighs.  "So, this dancer.  Was it a
guy or a girl?"

"Huh.  I didn't ask.  She kept talking about her and them, y'know,
'I feel' and 'we feel' -- but Brit never talked about the person. 
No 'she' or 'he'."

"Oh.  Guess."

Justin shakes his head.  "I don't really care.  I don't wanna
care."

"Oh.  Okay."  JC holds Justin closer.  "We love you, baby.  You
know that."

"Yeah.  I think that's why I understand.  Why the dancer.  'Cause
I'm closer to you guys than I am to her, and she's probably closer
to her people than to me.  It makes sense.  A lot of sense."  And
if Justin keeps telling himself that, then eventually he'll believe
it.  That's how affirmations work.

"Still hurts, though."

"I'm not gonna let it."

"If you say so."

"So, dating would be weird 'cause we're already together all the
time and you're already sleeping with me. Got any other
suggestions?"

JC laughs.  "Not really."

"Oh.  Okay.  I thought that maybe... no.  It's all cool.  I like
things like this."

"What'd you think?" JC asks, and he doesn't bother to keep the hope
from his voice.

"I thought maybe you meant more."

"More than what?  I said dating.  That's more than friends, right?" 
JC frowns.  "I'm confused."

"Jayce, we're already practically dating.  We see each other every
day.  We eat together.  We sleep together.  I don't want to go
backward and see you less."

"Well, no.  I meant, like, the physical parts of dating, and saying
things out loud and letting myself finally fall in love with you,
maybe."

Justin stills.  "You're in love with me?"

"No, of-of course not.  Not, um.  Completely.  Not yet."

"'Cause when you said 'dating', I thought, y'know, all the setting
up times and getting to know each other stuff, and that's just
bullshit, 'cause we already do.  But if it's love, that's cool.  I
already love you and all."

"Well, yes, I meant setting up times that are just us times.  But,
yeah.  I love you, too."

"This is an us time," Justin says hopefully.

"It is, yeah," JC replies, smiling in the dark.

"So what does this dating thing include besides the snuggling and
us time and seeing each other?"

"Um.  Making out?  Sex?  Monogamy?"

"What's monogamy mean?"  It's a serious question.

"No sex with anyone else.  No making out, no *real* dating.  No
kissing."

Justin considers this.  "I'm with you up to the kissing.  I like it
when Chris kisses me on the cheek and Joey grabs me and gives me
one of those big hugs and kisses my hair and stuff."

"Sorry.  No kissing on the *lips*.  Unless it's the guys."

"Or relatives.  Or there's no choice."

"Okay."

"'Cause, y'know, me and Brit are still officially dating, so we're
sometimes gonna have to be all cute for the cameras, and that so
doesn't count to me, but if it's gonna count to you, then that'd be
bad."

"Nah, that's okay."

"Cool."  Justin rests against JC's chest for a long moment before
raising himself up.  "So, um, good night kiss?"

JC smiles and kisses Justin for a really long time.  "There."

Justin rubs his lips.  "Yeah.  That was... yeah.  Good."  He lies
down again and yawns.  "Think I'm gonna go to go to sleep now,
sorry."

"No, it's good."  JC shifts, holding Justin closer.  "I think I'll
just stay here with you."

Justin closes heavy eyelids.  "Never wanted you to go.  Not before,
not now either.  Always like you."

"Good."

Justin falls asleep to the sound of JC's breathing and it's just
like any other night on tour, except now there's more.

Now Justin loves him, and JC finds himself holding onto the
thought, repeating it over and over.  Until, suddenly, he sleeps.