Pairing: Justin and JC
Words: brusque; coarse; moisturiser; appoint


"Yeah? Well, who appointed you the king of the world?" JC yells
into the phone. He doesn't normally yell, unless the connection is
bad. But she's just being so *brusque*. Almost downright *coarse*
in fact. And if there's one thing JC can't stand, it's coarse
women. It makes him feel like he needs to slather himself in
moisturizer to cover the scrapes they open up in his metaphorical
skin.

JC gasps. "Oh, no, you did *not*!"

But she did. And he hangs up on her.

"She didn't what?" Justin asks idly.

"She called me the queen of the world!"

Justin snickers.

JC pouts. "Ass."

"As in 'piece of' or 'jack'?"

"Jack. Though you are a nice piece of, too," JC says, unfailingly
fair, even in a fight.

"Good to know. C'mere."

JC drops down next to Justin, leaning against his side. "She's so
mean."

"Who'd ever be mean to the queen of the world? That's just wrong."
Justin gets up and pushes JC over. "Lie down."

JC frowns. "Are you gonna put ice in my pants?"

"No. C'mon, just do it."

JC does, closing his eyes. "A nap would make this all better," he
mumbles.

Justin sits back down, hip on the edge of the couch near JC's side
and reaches out, hand settling on the back of JC's neck. "You could
do that," he says as he starts to rub.

JC squeaks happily, turning into molasses. He'll melt right into
the couch. And then maybe, if he's lucky, Justin'll kiss him.

"Wanna tell me what all the yelling was about?" Justin asks,
fingertips pressing lightly on either side of JC's spine where it
meets his neck, stippling downward, then back up again, increasing
the pressure.

JC moans a downward note. "Ugh. She... she wanted me to come home
every day I had off on my tour. She... we're not even exclusively
*dating*."

The finger presses change into rubbing as Justin brings his other
hand up and starts using his thumbs. "I don't know why you even
date someone you hate that much."

"I didn't hate her. I liked her. She was funny and nice. And then
she wasn't. After I bought her stuff." JC frowns into the throw
pillow. "I think I should stop buying them stuff."

"Money makes people crazy," Justin agrees. He branches out from
JC's neck to his shoulders, ghosting his hands over them first.
"Sometimes I think we're basically paying people to be our friends,
'cause the only way we get to see most people over and over is if
we bring them alone with us. And that creates a... y'know. A... a
power imbalance. That's it. In the relationship. 'Cause they feel
either like they owe you something or they're lacking in something
-- and they start seeing you as a way to get it."

JC thinks about it. He tries explaining it to himself in music. And
the balance is *very* off. The treble is always either piercing, or
ghosting out. And sometimes it's the *bass* that screwing up. Like
-- on purpose. "Do you think I mess up with them on purpose?"

"Maybe," Justin says, hands stroking firmly out from JC's neck to
the points of his shoulders. "I don't think that's why it's screwed
up, but you could be messing with them, too, sure."

JC sighs. "I'm getting lonely," he admits. "I'm not so young
anymore, and I'm lonely. Because I don't have a forever yet. Other
than music, which is a lot, of course. But it's not everything."

"Um. Trust me. Whatshername wasn't a good choice for right this
minute, much less forever. And, y'know, just 'cause there's a
forever doesn't mean that you're alone right now or anything. You
gotta enjoy what you have, too."  He's raking the line of JC's
shoulders with his fingers, like he's plowing furrows in the skin.

JC rolls his shoulders. "Mmm. Lonely, not alone."

Justin continues what he's doing, because it seems to be working.
"Why lonely?"

"No one who loves me."

"I guess family and friends don't count, only rude bitches who take
your money and then insult you over the phone."

JC feels small suddenly. "I didn't mean it like that," he says
softly. "I meant -- you know. A soulmate. Or, or whatever. That's
sort of stupid, I guess."

Justin lets his thumbs rub the taut muscles, digging in while his
fingers soothe. "It's not stupid. Exactly. Only when you're looking
for it in people who you know can't give it to you and being
disappointed. And when you let that make you forget what you've
already got."

"I've got friends and family, and that's good."

"Not good enough though, I guess."

"My family better not be having sex with me," JC says in a moment
of candor.

"Oh, so you don't want a *soul*mate. You want a fuck buddy."

"No. That's the problem. Everyone I love enough to be soul mates
with -- it's not about sex for them. And everyone I've had sex with
-- mostly they don't turn out to be someone I can love."

"So what you're saying is that a soulmate has gotta be someone you
can have sex with?" Justin's still rubbing out JC's shoulders, but
his hands have strayed down a little, heels brushing shoulder
blades.

"I'd like it to be."

"Oh."

"I like sex. A lot."

"Nothing wrong with that," Justin says, starting his fingertips on
the same slow walk down JC's spine, this time from his neck to the
small of his back. "It's just... sad, I guess, that you're
automatically eliminating anybody who you can't have sex with."

JC smiles, a little, sad twist of his lips. "I don't know... how
committed I can be to someone I can't have sex with. A very real
part of forming an intimate connection is sex. For me."

"You're committed to the group. And we don't have sex."

"And I'm lonely."

"Because you're not having sex."

"And because it's not -- it's not *quite* the same."

"How would you know?" Justin asks as he gradually increases the
pressure of his fingers. "You said you've never had a soulmate."

"I suppose I'll never be able to prove my point. I mean, all of you
are straight, and I'm not supposed to sleep with guys. So I'll
never know if it really is just sex that's missing or something
more."

Justin's hand pauses for a second. "Not supposed to date guys or
don't want to?"

"I promised I wouldn't when I joined the group. It's too easy to
make one mistake and then it'd be my fault everyone hates us."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Why? You didn't do anything. Other than stop rubbing me, and you
don't have to do that."

Justin looks down at his hand. "Huh. Didn't realize I stopped." He
starts rubbing again. Wasn't what I was sorry for, though."

"What're you sorry for?"

"That you only go for girls, so you couldn't appreciate the people
who know you better and like you better than anyone else in the
world."

JC swallows hard. "Um, Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"D-do you like guys?"

"I love you to pieces, C. You and me, we think alike and when we're
making music -- we don't even need words 'cause we understand each
other that well. But that's not good enough for you."

"Oh, baby. I-I didn't know. I love you, Justin. Really, I do. Do
you love me back?"

"Never gonna love anyone like I do you unless it's the rest of the
guys."

"Oh," JC whispers. He sits up and turns to face Justin. "I-I think
that might be enough. Can I, if I feel lonely..." he tries to look
away from Justin's brilliant eyes and finds he can't. He finishes
in a whisper, "Can I maybe sleep with you? Just sleep, I promise."

Justin's hands, unoccupied now, reach out to JC's. "Only if it's
good enough for you. Me. Without the sex thing."

JC looks down at Justin's hands. "I don't know. But I'll try, if
you're willing."

"Wouldn't have said anything if I wasn't."

"Even if I can't promise?"

"What aren't you promising?"

"That I can be with you forever."  JC nearly starts crying at the
realization of what a bad person he is. "Without sex, I mean."

"You told me all about the sex thing. I'm not asking you for
anything, C," Justin says quietly. "I'm telling you what you can
have if you want."

JC pushes his way into Justin's arms, but ends up holding Justin
close and stroking the back of his neck. "I promise to treat you
right, I promise."

"You don't have to treat me right," Justin says, arms snaking
around to hug JC. "You don't have to treat me any different than
you already do. I just want you to know what you have. And, yeah.
You can sleep with me. That'd be cool."

JC shivers, afraid he'll hurt Justin. But he can't make himself
give up the chance. "You're cool."

"I just love you. That's all. Maybe I don't know what soulmates are
or maybe my definition's different, but if anyone was ever gonna be
it, it's you. That's all."

JC squeezes Justin close. "Okay, baby. Okay."

Justin rests in JC's hold and hopes that JC finds what he's looking
for.