Pairing: Chris and Justin
Words: cosmos; omen; delve; mushroom


His own name is secret.  His mother whispered it in his ear when he
was born, and no one else knows it.  The tribe calls him 'heyoka'
and the missionary calls him 'Christopher'.  But what he calls
himself is what his friends call him, and what the missionary has
translated as, 'Wears Braids Even Though They're Ugly'.  Or 'Kees'
for short.

Their own shaman is gone, taken in a sudden thunderstorm.  Which is
fine for Kees, because he never liked the man anyway.  It's
probably why the shaman is dead.  A freak lightning storm is a
message of its own.

And Kees has the task of selecting the new shaman, the one who will
be trained to replace the old one.

"Mother, let me go," Justin (so named by the missionary) orders. 
It's time for him to go, he's old enough.  And something feels --
strong about today.  Something tingling over Justin's skin like the
bite of gnats, but not so unpleasant.  His mother releases his
hand, and Justin follows the other boys to Kees's tent.

Kees comes out of his tent backward.  His shirt is on inside out,
and when he shakes his head, the braids whip around and hit him in
the face.  He laughs.

"Let's see, let's see.  Who should I make miserable by forcing them
into being a shaman?"  He looks them over.  There's boys and men
both present, as well as those who are neither, like Throws Lance
True, who has been accepted into the rights of manhood with the
killing of three deer in the last hunt.

When Justin comes up, he pokes a finger at him.  "You!  Whines Like
Puppy!  Why do you want to be a shaman?"

"So I can make things better for us," Justin replies truthfully. 
"And so people will be nice to me," he adds, also truthfully.

Kees snickers.  "You think people will be nice to a shaman?  Why do
you think that?"

"They were nice to the old one.  Nicer than they are to me now." 
Justin doesn't have a father, and people are mean to him because of
it.  And because his mother makes eyes at all the young men.

"Maybe, maybe."  Kees turns to one of the older men, one who knows
what the previous shaman was really like.  "You, Makes Women Howl
Like Dogs, why were people nice to Big Stinky Meanie?"

Reactions to the name vary from laughter to shock.  Kees may say or
do whatever he likes as heyoka and none can gainsay him, because
that is what heyokas are, but it doesn't mean everyone listens.

"They were scared of him," the big man answers bluntly.  "Scared of
what he'd do to them."

Kees cackles.  "Yes!"  He turns to Justin.  "Is that what you
want?"

"I don't know."

"You know," Kees says.  "You know what is in your heart."  He looks
at the others.  "If fear is what you want, stay!  I can't see into
your hearts.  I can't tell if you are going to be or how you will
act.  But lightning bolt means someone knows!"

"What if I don't want to be feared, but I will take it.  If it
helps us."

Kees nods.  "Fear helps us lots.  What are you afraid of, Whines
Like Puppy?"

"Being called Whines Like Puppy for the rest of my life," Justin
answers.

"And how does that help you?"

"It makes me determined to prove you wrong."

"Hmm.  Maybe I should find a new name for you.  Maybe, Barks Like
Dog But No Bite.

Kees turns to another man.  "What do you think, Song Bird?  What
are things to be afraid of?"

"Being hungry," Song Bird answers.  "Dying.  Being helpless and in
pain.  People you love being hurt."

Justin thinks about those things, considering them carefully.  He's
been hungry before.  Last winter, after his uncle died and they had
no hunter to bring them food.  It wasn't a good thing, but he
survived.  They all did, his mother and little brothers, too. 
Dying -- well, he should fear death, maybe, but it's not a real
thing to him.  Besides, if he died, he'd get to see his father and
uncle again.  Being helpless is listening to his mother cry while
her man beats her.  Being helpless is his brothers whimpering in
their sleep because their dreams are so full of monsters.  He does
not fear it, he hates it.  Pain is frightening, but something to be
endured.

He nods, though, because he does dread the thought of people who
love him being hurt.

Kees snorts.  "Those are terrible things to be afraid of.  Bark
With No Bite is not afraid of those!  He would face all of those
without flinching!"

"No, I would not."  Justin looks over at Song Bird.  "Just because
I have faced them does not mean I did so without flinching, or that
I no longer fear my family being hurt."

"Why do you fear them?" Kees asks, eyebrows raised.  "Surely these
are good things.  Things to be desired.  Fear is good for you!  It
helps you!"

Justin smiles a pained smile.  "I fear I have wasted your time.  I
was mistaken in coming here."  Not that he didn't already know
that.  The other youths never let him forget that he does not
belong with them.

"Sit!" Kees commands.  "You don't learn anything from your fear,
Whines Like Puppy.  You don't even learn not to whine and run away
when barking won't chase your fear away.  This time you will learn
something."

Justin sits.

Some of the boys are laughing.  Kees grins and laughs at them. 
"It's very funny, isn't it?  Seeing other people hurt and in pain?"

Shamed, the boys stop laughing.

"Everyone here is so smart!" Kees says.  "I can see why all of you
want to be shamans.  So powerful, aren't they?  So strong!  Shamans
can do anything."

Justin wonders if shamans really can do anything.  Maybe they can
do anything as long as it's good for the tribe.  Or maybe only if
Kees agrees that it's something they should do.  Or maybe shamans
are just really, really good at begging.  Like the poor do in
cities, like the missionary tells of.  Maybe shamans just beg the
gods harder and longer and more annoyingly than everyone else.

Kees continues in that vein for some time, mocking those who give
good answers and praising those who give bad answers.  When he's
done, he's got a few people sitting near his feet, some of them
looking shamed, and most of the group is standing.

"You're all so good!  Too many to choose from!  It'll take me a
long time, I'm sure.  But I'm satisfied.  You can go now, tell
everyone how smart I said you are!"

Some of the brighter ones are already thinking about why it would
be good to be praised by a heyoka -- someone who likes the rain and
curses the sun, someone who sleeps during the day and stays up all
night -- but Kees smiles and waves them away.  "Enough, enough!  I
must deal with these stupid ones here.  Too little time, too much
to do!"

Kees watches them go, then sits down and motions for the people
left to sit around him.  "So.  You are all very stupid.  Terrible
shamans you would make.  Terrible, terrible, terrible."  He laughs. 
"But, since there is no one else, one of you must be the new
shaman.  What questions do you want to ask?"

Justin, finally deciding to be quiet, sits up straight and watches
the others.

Lance tentatively motions.  "Why, if you know all there is to know
about being a shaman, aren't you?"

"Hah!" Kees says triumphantly.  "What does a heyoka do?"

"Be annoying?"

"He's a major pain in the ass," Howl Like Dogs says at the same
time.

"Yes!  A heyoka's work is never done.  By careful and thorough
adherence to all traditions, I provide a perfect example of what
all good tribespeople should do."

Justin tilts his head.  "How does that keep you from being shaman?"
he asks.

Chris smacks himself in the forehead.  "Maybe you should go away
with the smart ones?"

Howl Like Dogs laughs and explains, "He *doesn't* do that.  That's
the point.  He's the heyoka.  He does the opposite of everything. 
He's contrary to make people question their beliefs, not a good
example to get people to follow the traditions."

"No, he still provides a perfect example of what good tribespeople
should do.  He just does it by being the opposite."

"Except when I'm right!" Kees says indignantly.

"Which never happens," Howl Like Dogs says affectionately.

Throws Lance True laughs quietly.

"No more questions?"  Kees doesn't expect any.  Whines Like Puppy
thinks he knows everything, Make Women Howl Like Dogs doesn't
expect him to make sense and Song Bird never says anything because
he prefers to work it all out in his head.

Justin asks, "What are we to do now?"

"Ah!  You will do a spirit quest!  Very traditional.  You will fast
for three days, then drink special spirit drink and seek out a
vision."

"Not that stuff again," Howl Like Dogs says.  "My stomach still
hurts from the last time."

Kees scowls.  "You need to learn to drink like a woman!"

Lance smirks at them all.

"Go," Kees commands.  "Fast.  Prepare to delve into the secrets of
the cosmos."

Justin and the others leave.  Justin hunts for his family right
away, knowing he'll not be able to do it later.  Three days,
dwelling on the smell of roasting rabbit and mushrooms -- it's not
as hard as Justin remembers it being.  Hunger, that is.

When they return, weakened by hunger, Kees leads them out away from
the tribe, leaving each some distance from each other.  He
instructs all of them the same way, except Makes Women Howl Like
Dogs, because Howl Like Dogs never has -- or will have -- any
respect for his authority.

Whines Like Puppy he saves for last.  "Here will be your place. 
Drink this," he hands the boy a skin of strong drink, "when night
falls.  Stay until you have a vision.  Or get bored.  Then come
back."

Justin laughs and sits under the hot sun, waiting for sunset.

Kees returns to his tent and waits.

When the night comes, Justin builds a fire and drinks the skin
empty.  The flames dance slowly, and then faster.  Justin feels
sick and strange as he stares into them.  He learned long ago that
staring in the fire can take away all his worries.  The fire
dances, as always, dancing faster and higher as more wood burns. 
Justin squints.  It's almost as if there is something in the fire,
struggling to get out.  Something frightening and strong.

The something wades free, a coyote.  Justin follows, knowing he
should not.  He should stay, and he should not trust Coyote, the
trickster.  They walk for days.  Justin's feet ache and bleed. 
Nettles claw at him, at his clothes.  He often thinks of turning
back, of going home to his mother.  He doesn't turn, though,
because he knows there's something much worse behind him.  He must
go on, go forward, no matter how hard the way.  He cannot go back.

Eventually they come to a pool, full of cool, clear water.  Justin
collapses at the shore and drinks greedily.  Coyote licks his face
and seems to grin.  Justin looks up and sees, on the other side of
the river, his tribe.  His people, having traveled, have found this
land.  Rain falls to his right and to his left is a huge herd of
buffalo as far as he can see.  His mother and brothers wave at him,
and the tribe, as it swirls around them, does not shun them. 
Justin smiles.

When he wakes it is morning.

~~~~~

Lance dances in the still, cool dark of the night.  He dances the
dances maidens do.  Not to get a man, but to glory in being a
woman.  He sways his hips and laughs up to the sky, calling the
birds down.  The owl and the eagle, together, come and lift him up
and away.  He dances still, in the sky.  The Rainbow Way looms up,
and Lance can see the dead.  He can see the warriors who have gone
before.  He dances on, leading the newly dead to the Way.

The seasons change and in winter he sits with the Raven and learns
the ways of wisdom and warning.  He's lifted up and beyond, only to
fall forever.  Strange, he thinks, to land just where he left from.

~~~~~

Justin's nearly back at Kees's tent when he sees Lance come walking
from the other direction.  They don't speak, but enter the tent
together.

Kees motions to them to sit.  Surprisingly, no one so far has had
a omen of being shaman.  It seems impossible that his judgment was
so good that none of his choices sought the easy path to becoming
what they wanted.  But then, he can tell when Howl Like Dogs is
lying.

"Tell me your visions," he says, motioning to Throws Lance True to
go first.  He listen to both visions in silence.

"Your vision," he says to Lance, "is very dull.  Dead people.  Who
wants to deal with dead people?  What reward is in that?"

"You don't end up with dead people following you around?" Lance
asks sarcastically.

Kees shakes his head.  "Mostly the living follow me.  To throw
things at me.  Answer the question."

"I would not mind dealing with dead people," Lance says tiredly. 
"And the reward is in the smooth running of the seasons, the
passing of the earth into death so that she may be reborn.  The
same is true of our people."

"Boring.  Why would anyone want to do that?"

"Because."

Kees grins at him.  "You're very stubborn for a woman-spirited man. 
You will make a good shaman."

"I fear you," Lance replies before leaning against Justin's
shoulder.

Kees nods respectfully to him.  "That is because you are a wise
man, Shaman."

"Or because I know that you'd put snakes in my bed."

Chris giggles.  "A very wise man indeed."  He looks at Whines Like
Puppy.  "So.  We come to you."  He nods to Throws Lance True.  "You
should stay, Shaman.  This concerns you now."

Lance shrugs.  "He's a good pillow, too."

Justin shrugs and looks at anything but them.  "Yes, heyoka? 
Sh-shaman?"

Kees nods to Throws Lance True.  "You should tell me if I'm wrong,
as your understanding of the spirit world is greater than mine. 
But I think Justin," he uses the name as he has not done before,
"has a different path.  You must leave the tribe and seek your
future elsewhere with the white man."

Justin's shocked beyond understanding.  "Why?"

"The trickster came to you and led you away from the tribe.  You
found a new future for your family there.  One you cannot and do
not have here.  You yourself have named it by what you choose to be
called."

"I have no other *name*!" Justin insists.

"We are all named as we choose to be called and for our acts and
our deeds.  You have chosen your own path."

"Who will take care of my family?"

Chris grins.  "They will be my family!  We shall live together and
they will obey me and heed my words!  Or I'll tell the shaman on
them."

"I must do this?" Justin asks.

Lance nods solemnly.  "I'm afraid you must.  You will lead our
tribe somewhere good.  But you must journey first."

Justin bows his head.  "You will not let my brothers be hungry?" he
questions quietly.  "You will not let a man grown tired of her kill
my mother?"

Kees snorts.  "Whines Like Puppy should also be called Worries Too
Much.  What does the heyoka contribute to the tribe?  Is it
hunting?  No.  The heyoka has a sacred duty to perform.  So the
tribe provides for him.  And his family, unless he has a wife.  And
I have no wife."

"Speak true or be forsworn," Justin orders.

Lance hugs Justin.  "I will see to it."

"Now your mother," Kees says thoughtfully.  "What she needs is a
husband.  And not me!"

Justin laughs.

"Now go away!  I'm very awake.  I need to sleep."

Justin goes away.  Lance does not.  "What am I to do now, Kees?"

Kees shrugs.  "Whatever it is shamans do.  Sleep all day and have
visions brought on by too much drinking."

Lance crawls toward Kees, and it feels like dancing.